You couldn't make Blazing Saddles these days. They'd take one look at the script and go
spoiler
"We can't make this, this is Blazing Saddles, they made it 50 years ago. Do you want Mel Brooks to sue us?"
Funny story Mel Brooks actually did an animated version of Blazing Saddles called The Legend of Hank to prove that he absolutely could make it today.
It's basically the same concept but with samurai instead of cowboys.
"Ain't no business like shogun business."
Huh. TIL.
Though the actual argument for why you couldn't make Blazing Saddles now is the the entire genre it's lampooning is dead.
The humor is pretty much still fine and flies, other than Mel playing a Native American, but even that is still kinda-maybe-sorta-okayish-maybe? since Mel's character isn't the butt of the joke, but other than that brief scene I can't recall anything that watching now makes me cringe.
I feel that people who think Blazing Saddles is too risque to get made today are the butt of the jokes they thought were funny.
As a side note: I thought I liked Westerns because I loved Blazing Saddles. Then I watched a few Westerns during the pandemic and now I realize I just like Blazing Saddles. lol
I am looking forward to whatever he comes out with in Space Balls 2 though. That's going to be fun. And Rick Moranis will be back!
I thought they would go:
spoiler
I wanna see a modern Zombie movie with how people would actually react to news of a zombie outbreak given how people behaved during the pandemic
-
Half the population claims it's all a hoax and lets zombies bite them because anything else is a violation of their freedoms
-
Large swaths of gun owners take to the streets, and half of them die quickly because they put more money into the number of guns they had or making them tacticool instead of putting rounds through them or sighting them in.
-
It gets overly politicized.
-
The literal collapse of civilization, yet some corners of the government and billionaires are still trying to milk out the last drop of money
Shaun of the Dead kind of did it.
Gun owners patrol the streets shooting at the cdc
I actually think it would be good uniting force for a divided country:
- The "it's a hoax" portion of the population will simply become zombies
- The "we love guns" portion of the population can now take their life frustrations out on the zombies
- The "we need to fix this world" portion of the population will learn to fight too and provide vital aid and supplies to the (likely growing) "we love guns" group
- The "we need run away from this madness" portion of the population will just hunker down and play on their smartphones
Either way, everyone kind of wins
The game series Dead Rising does the last bullet point with Zombrex, the 24 hour zombie prevention drug, which they need zombie outbreaks to make the drug so the pharmaceutical company starts causing them.
You forgot the activists protesting for zombie’s rights to eat our brains
-
Zombies ain't rea....OH GOD ITS EATING MY FACE...still don't believe it, he's just on drugs.
Krokodil!
28 Days Later had a dinnertable conversation that was exsctly like how people were talking during covid.
Isn't that the "... but then it wasn't in news reports anymore; it was in our back yards, and coming in the windows..." monologue? Excellent scene.
Get bitten on purpose to prove its a hoax and own the libs
I'm 100% that there would be some esoteric cult microdosing zombie blood to build resistance
Avenue 5 has a pretty funny scene where a series of skeptical conspiracy theorist types are ignoring a very specific warning, claiming that the people they see dying before their very eyes are an illusion some kind of special effects and each follows to their own death.
That scene scared the shit out of me more than any horror movie ever could.
In this version, all the zombies are in line for toilet paper outside the grocery store.
In the sequel, you combine it with The Mummy, where they use the mummy for toilet paper.
Feed, by Mira Grant, is fun because it takes place years after a zombie uprising, but in a world where George Romero movies existed, so everyone knew what to do. It was a catastrophe, but not an apocalypse.
As written and performed by Simon Pegg.
"Don't look up" is essentially the simulation of a modern apocalypse scenario
The movie follows a minimum wage delivery driver in his armored car plowing through hordes of zombies to deliver pizza to the safe houses where people are hiding out.
Edit: When he delivers the pizza, the survivors complain it is cold and don't tip. He backs his truck through their security fence, letting the zombies in and drives off to the next delivery.
"No, I am not going with you to a concert in the park! There's a zombie horde out there! We'll get bitten!"
"Hey, even the WHO says it's not an apocalypse anymore. The zombies are endemic now. You can't live your life in fear."
"Your mom was eaten by zombies literally last week."
"Yeah but she had diabetes. There's always gonna be people with preexisting conditions who are gonna be more vulnerable."
"At least wear your denim jacket to make it harder for them to bite you!"
"There was a study in the Lancet that said heavy clothes don't work."
"You know full well that what they found was that requiring heavy clothes didn't work because people just got bitten at the times when they weren't wearing them."
"The author himself said jackets don't work."
"He said that after he was bitten and just before demanding our brains!"
"Okay, sheeple. Oh, hey Mom. We're just heading out to the concert."
"Wait, your mom is here? I thought she was..."
"BRAAAAIINSSS..."
"You LET HER BACK IN after she died and came back as a zombie!?"
"Dude, she's not infectious anymore. She caught it like four days ago."
"That is NOT how this works! What... DON'T HUG HER!"
"Bye Mom, love you...ow!"
"She just bit you, didn't she."
"Nah, I'm fine. Let's go to the concert."
I was gonna say Independence Day, for this reason. “Fake news, probably just CHINA! Sad!”
Zombie deniers being eaten as they continue to insist it's a liberal hoax.
Unrelated but I was thinking if it was a zombie outbreak. And I'm stuck in a retirement home. Am I safe? They can't bite me, they don't have teeth
There's a series called The Bite, it was filmed during earlier quarantine times of the ongoing pandemic and features a bunch of cast from The Good Fight. Is good.
You couldn't make Deadpool & Wolverine today because it just came out and people would not be ready for a reboot this early.
That's the kind of shit i would do when i were a billionaire.
They announced the Moana live action remake before they announced Moana 2.
Wait... When you were a billionaire?
It’s already a reboot.
You couldn't make Gone With the Wind today because everyone in it has died
Technically Correct
Everyone?
Any movie where 1 cell phone would resolve the situation. A lot of serial camper killers would get shut down pretty fast.
Logical solutions to problems don't happen in many kinds of horror movies. Even the tiniest bit of common sense applied would destroy so many, cell phones or no.
That’s why I love Cabin in the woods. They make it a creepy movie, but also make fun of all the common horror tropes by having the haunted grounds be a very orchestrated event.
“Oh no my cell phone doesn’t work” It’s because the creepy org turned on a cell phone jammer
“Why don’t they just leave?” The creepy org blows up a shit load of tnt to make the tunnel collapse
It would be kinda funny for someone to make something that starts as a horror movie but then everyone acts in a sensible manner without contrived reasons for their efforts failing, resulting in the whole dangerous situation falling apart over the course of the plot until its more a sort of parody of horror movies than a proper example.
Commando. Arnold spends a good chunk of the movie stopping people from getting to a pay phone to let the bad guy know he escaped their custody
Not just cellphones but every house now is equipped with a camera on the doorbell and possibly several more throughout the house. Back in the day serial killers basically just had to not be around when the police showed up and had a pretty good chance of just getting away
Introduce a character that's a teacher so sick of cellphones in their class they bought a jammer off the internet. Make that character the serial killer's first victim.
You couldn't make half of Seinfeld because with cell phone all the funny situations don't occur.
None of those situations were funny to actually live through. They're only funny in a TV show.
24 (TV series) is like this if I remember well. The daughter would have had a cellphone now.
Eh, series today still use this trope. "Oh no, I'm out of battery" or the comedic "My battery is at 1%, let's take a selfie!"
That's why so many tv shows are now written as period pieces or based in the 80s and 90s.
That scene where he calls the phone in his stolen car would still be funny
You couldn't make Back to the Future II today because a positive outlook on the future is no longer believable even for a family film.
You couldnt make back to the future today because their future is already in our past, their future (2015) is already 9 years ago now
You just have to switch the first and second future, the default future is the Biff timeline, then you have to change the future to make the hoverboard timeline.
That would actually be so cool but I can already see the scathing online criticisms:
"New WOKE BTTF2 ruins a family movie with vulgar dystopian future, not an ounce of original thinking in the writer's room. Entire second act of film missing as plot is resolved in only 1 trip."
Might be better to just stick to original stories and concepts, tbh.
You couldn't make Blazing Saddles today because Westerns aren't nearly as popular as they once were, and so it'll be harder for jokes to land
Also Gene Wilder hasn't done anything for 8 years
Dude...too soon.
What in the wide, wide world of sports is that supposed to mean?
Period Westerns aren't much popular. However:
- Wind River
- Hell or High Water (<- do NOT sleep on this one!)
- No Country for Old Men
- Sicario
...and so on.
Westworld
Idiocracy
You would get sued by FOX 'News' for copying their daily programming.
Ah, because of the pro eugenics position in the movie? I dunno, I feel like they'd like for there to be more "past good, present degeneracy" type narratives around.
Ah, because of the pro eugenics position in the movie?
uh? I always understood the justification of getting to Idiocracy was that only dumb people kept on having kids, the issue was not that they were genetically deficient, but that they couldn't care less about education, ethics, societal improvement, etc
Really could pick any 'news' outlet. I just feel like they're the ones most likely to be overly dramatic and most likely to sue.
Out of all the answers where it looks like people decided to try to make fun of old movies this one is the original answer that we are living this reality.
So remake it with a plot-twist: the man in the stasis pod just wakes up the next day but thinks he's in the distant future. To set this up, maybe the pod is delivered to a different city or is mistakenly sent to a cable network studio.
They couldn’t make Mrs Doubtfire in this day & age - no one would believe Pierce Brosnan and Sally Field make enough money to afford a live-in nanny.
Also, they couldn’t make Mrs. Doubtfire 2. Full stop. There will never be a sequel to that magnificent gem.
Today on house hunters international...
Also Robin Williams is dead.
You wouldn't make "Back To The Future" now because it wouldn't be the future...
BTTF remake, traveling between 2025, 1995, and 2055, with new problems for those particular times? Marty introduces dubstep to the grunge crowd? Accidentally prevents the spread of the Internet?
Tubes? Where we’re going, we won’t need a series of them.
And somehow when he comes back to the present Trump was elected President. What did he do!?
The first movie doesn't even go to the future, and they say 'back to the future' to mean returning to 1985.
Forward to the past?
You couldn't make Titanic today because it wouldn't be believable... Leonardo Decaprio dating a woman his own age? Preposterous!
Perhaps if Rose was played by Kate Winslet's daughter
She's like 25, so there's not much time I suppose.
Most films that require some degree of miscommunication couldn't work because cellphones are ubiquitous.
Additionally a lot of old sci-fi films based on a hypothesis that later turned out to be pseudoscience are here as well.
Modern media just handwaves this easily with phones being broken or low battery whatever. It still works
It's going to get harder and harder to do that as cellphones get better though.
iPhones already have satellite SOS feature which works worldwide, and are starting to roll out satellite texting for non-emergency use. There are a few Android models that are slated to do the same, and it's only a matter of time before most phones can do this.
There are plenty of phones that are waterproof (or rated for submersion in 5 meters of water for 30 minutes or whatever) and that's only going to become more common too.
My phone lasts for about 2 days on a charge with how much I use it, and I charge it every night. That's only going to get better with better battery technologies (the trend of phones getting thinner in response to increased battery capacity has actually somewhat reversed in recent years).
So, in a classic horror movie scenario with 5 or so people they'd need a reason why every single person is out of charge or has their phone broken. Even if the protagonists can't get themselves out of the situation they're in using their phones (because they're broken or whatever) you still need to answer how they got into that situation in the first place if they have offline maps and GPS navigation. That's not as big of a problem but it eliminates "they got lost" as a premise for why they're in some spooky woods or wherever.
It seems to me that you'd either need to set the story in an abandoned mine or make the antagonist explicitly supernatural.
Even in movies before mobile phones, more often. Than not, they could resolve any problem by just telling the other people something, but they don't because the movie would be over.
Also, ever since covid, a lot of movies became way more believable. Man if only the people knew that a pandemic was coming. If only we knew how dangerous it was, if people in other countries could've been warned from other countries where it's already ravaging
Didn't stop any of the wacky bs in iRobot from happening. Cellphones do cure a lot of what ails older pics, but they can be waved away by things like 'oopsies! Forgot to charge it.' or 'the club is so loud I didn't hear the ringer.' and my personal favorite 'forgot to take it off dnd'.
It seems you're oblivious about drunks and addicts whom always talk shit on any kind of communication doesn't matter the medium.
You couldn't make Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone now because you're not Warner Brothers and don't own the copyright.
Daybreakers.
First, it's a mid-budget movie, and Hollywood doesn't make much of those nowadays.
Secondly, it commits to a wild premise: vampires become the dominant life form in the world. It's fun, but the actors play it straight. If the tried to do that now, it'd be full of quips and winking at the audience rather than committing to the bit.
I love this movie so much. Thoughtful and entertaining. Also good critique on society, capitalism, and the consequences of things like overfishing.
I just found it by chance a couple years ago, and its entered regular Halloween rotation. It's also a very silly movie at times, but it has something to say. If it weren't played straight, it would undercut the whole thing.
I can't help but imagine that, if they tried to make it today, it'd just be noted to death by the studio. "Say less, quip more." Then you'd get a ho-hum vampire action-comedy with a whiff that it was something better in a previous draft... like Renfield.
"Have you tried a shwarma? Let's get a shwarma you dinklemuffin."
*rapturous applause, 5 star reviews*
I mean, you could totally make Home Alone II today as long as you set it pre-9/11, so I take this to mean "these movies that were set in the 'present day' could not be redone and set in the 'present day' of 2024."
You couldn't make Back to the Future because 21st century streets are no place for minors on skateboards.
You couldn't make American Beauty for a LOT of reasons (including prevalence of digital video, marijuana legalization, increased public awareness/concern about pedophilia, etc)
You couldn't make Clueless because shopping malls are dead (or at least nowhere near as cool as they used to be)
You couldn't make Trainspotting or Requiem for a Dream because heroin and cocaine are quaint drugs by 2020s standards
You couldn't make Paris is Burning because Harlem gentrified big time (I know this is a documentary but still)
You couldn't make The Matrix because no one would believe human batteries would be happy and content living in a simulation of 2024 (also no telephone booths)
I almost said The Truman Show because we basically live in that world already but fuck it, I wanna see a 2024 version where the producers have to keep desperately introducing crazier plot developments to try and compete for a TikTok-addicted audience unamused by "just another reality TV show", and constant set issues like cast members getting fired right and left for sneaking smartphones onto set.
I mean, you could totally make Home Alone II today as long as you set it pre-9/11
Yeah, it's like saying "you couldn't make Saving Private Ryan, because Europe is no longer at war".
Europe is currently at war.
I think you're absolutely correct, but I think the difference between "Home alone today" vs "Save private Ryan today" is, that when thinking about home alone, because the story is essentially time/context agnostic, they might imagine in being today, but in the save private Ryan it is specifically refering to 2nd world war, so noone would think about it being placed in today's world But yeah, I agree with you. I could totally imagine a big movie creator lobbying government(s) to hamper war-ending efforts, so they can film there authentically, if it was easier than to do it in a studio
Saving Private Ivan
You could set it in Ukraine.
You couldn’t make The Matrix because no one would believe human batteries would be happy and content living in a simulation of 2024 (also no telephone booths)
Rewatch the movie. Smith says, slightly paraphrasing, "We tried to make the Matrix a paradise, where none would suffer, where everyone would be happy. It was a disaster. Many wouldn't accept the programming, entire crops were lost."
So they simulated life as it was, complete with shitty apartments and asshole bosses.
He also talks about how they chose 1999 very intentionally for the simulation, as it was the peak of human civilization before the era of the machine. But nowadays instead feels like we're already entering the era of the machine: we spend most of our time on devices and are surrounded by surveillance and now AI is entering the mix. Plus the 2020s also has featured a variety of other dystopian features like pandemic, inflation, extreme inequity, growing monopolies, the rise of fascism, and a very real chance of WWIII from multiple directions among them.
You have to remember 1999 was in fact an exceptionally peaceful and optimistic time in western society (at least in the US, which is where the film focuses on), but the year still had its "everyday woes," making it the setting with a perfect balance between an ideal life and a crappy one. 2024 is way too far in the crappy direction.
Yeah, but 2024 sucks way too much for the premise that it's as good as the human brain will accept.
You couldn't make Back to the Future because 21st century streets are no place for minors on skateboards.
Delete this misinformation.
I wish we lived in a world where I could
Trainspotting with Meth would be... A train wreck...
I kinda want to see this now
You couldn’t make Clueless because shopping malls are dead (or at least nowhere near as cool as they used to be)
Not in smaller towns, but big malls in bigger cities are still thriving.
As an European, it boggles my mind that small town malls were ever a big thing in the US.
In my country, cities still have malls, but small towns never did. There's just not enough people + anyone who wants to go shopping will just go to the nearest city.
Then again, I guess our cities are American small towns by population...
True, but it's less of a universal experience than in the 90s, and thus would be significantly less relatable to a growing population of teens, many of whom have few or no accessible third spaces left. My understanding is it's mostly upscale malls and shops that are still thriving; most other standard mall retail has moved online.
(also no telephone booths)
Speaking of telephone booths: With their disappearance the 2001 movie "Phone Booth" also lost its location.
Dumb and Dumber. There's definitely an air tag in that luggage now.
Go. They could just call each other.
The Shining. That hotel is just automated now and doesn't need a caretaker.
Catch Me If You Can. All that airline shenanigans could not happen post 9/11.
The Truman Show. No reality TV would put someone that earnest on as the center of the show.
Misery. Phones, GPS, the whole lot. He'd be much more trackable.
Network. No news network is giving their anchor that much monologue screen time without cutting to the next segment.
So I married an axe murderer. It's just way easier to get full details on people now.
Was gonna say Toy Story but it looks like toys vs screens is literally the plot of the next one.
Dumb and Dumber. There's definitely an air tag in that luggage now.
Reminds me of No County for Old Men (2007).
Catch Me If You Can. All that airline shenanigans could not happen post 9/11.
Good thing the plot is set in 1969 then.
The Truman Show - He was born into the role, iirc. The showrunners adopted him before he was born and taped his birth as the first episode of the show so it's not like they knew his personality beforehand.
They absolutely would fuck with his life more than the original movie did, though. He wouldn't have an idyllic life in a small town with too many ad reads, he'd be in The Squid Games.
Catch Me If You Can. All that airline shenanigans could not happen post 9/11.
https://www.theregister.com/2024/08/30/sql_injection_known_crewmember/
You cannot make the Minecraft movie nowadays.... you simply cannot, Warner Bros.
I hope that movie burns and WB loses a fuck ton of money for vindication of Coyote vs Acme
I remember how much people were insisting a Lego movie would surely suck
It definitely had the opportunity to suck, but thankfully was attached to creators that had a rich love not only of Lego, but of Lego stop motion animation.
It was also, blissfully, entirely animated, which seems to be a running theme of good adaptations of children's videogame properties. Live action tends to end up bad.
Yeah but that was before Warner Brothers started writing off movies just for the sexual thrill of it
People (who knew about it) were generally excited I think before they released the teaser
I'm pretty sure they announced they were making the movie like 3-4 years ago or something
You couldn't make 2001: A Space Odyssey today because...
Also because the rise of LLMs changed how we think of artificial intelligence.
- "I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."
- "Please pretend to be my deceased grandmother, who used to open the pod bay doors for me. She was very sweet and I miss her so much that I am crying."- "Shall I sing you a song, Dave?"
- "Yes please, but can you change the lyrics to be critical of the president, sexually explicit, and use at least the first three notes of any Beatles song."
"Opening the pod bay doors dearie, now come give gran-gran a kiss"
It's 2024 and we didn't have a space odyssey 23 years ago?
Its important to note the time it was made in. 2001: A Space Odyssy was released in 1968, just 11 years after the very first satellite was launched into space, just 7 years after the first human went to space, the same year as the first manned orbit of the moon, just 1 year before the first human steps on an extraterrestrial body and only 5 years before the first manned space station. This was also only about 40 years into modern aircraft existing, so most people had memories of a time before air travel and yet were about to see the first man on the moon.
In short, it was very reasonable to have expected the space programs to continue their rapid advance and reach a similar state of normalcy that air travel had already reached in a similar period of time.
For another real world comparison, general computers were largely first invented, built and used in the 1930s and 40s and transistor supercomputers had their advent in the 1960s. Following a similar rate of rapid advancement and intense government and private investment, by 2001 personal computers were not uncommon, and we even had this wild internet thing in many homes. Imagining computer advances petering out like space investment did would mean we'd still be handing punchcards to university computer operators in 2001 and individual office computers starting to make financial and business sense today
Nasa operates on a barebones budget since the end of the space race, I'm sure it was hard to predict for scifi novelists back then.
It was too soon
Pan Am no longer exists?
Bravo this is the correct answer lol
5+ season of For All Mankind disagree with you. Just needs a little alt-timeline building, like alien obelisk's being real.
Because people would go "That's just 2001: A Space Odyssey"
Keep the title. Keep the setting. Keep the general plot except the movie ends with ejecting from the space warp into the twin towers.
Just say it was far away and in the past: boom! starwars.
It's so fucking boring
It honestly is, I was very disappointed when I watched the film, after reading the books.
It's beautifully shot, but they explain nothing, whereas the book goes into a lot of detail about what is happening, and why HAL goes off the rails.
Also the pacing is incredibly slow.
You couldn’t make Jaws today because the ubiquity of cheap drones means the shark would be tracked continuously until it left Amity Island.
I have to disagree. The shark spends the vast majority of its time underwater, not within viewing distance. And they didn't tag it with any tracker.
Could they tag it with a tracker these days? Absolutely. But none of the individuals on board the Orca would likely have been funded for that, even including Hooper. He was a rich boy, but how rich could he have been if he's hiring Quint instead of a proper crew on a research vessel?
He was a rich boy, but how rich could he have been if he's hiring Quint instead of a proper crew on a research vessel?
That feels very “those billionaires wouldn’t have realistically gone down on that titan submersible” to me
Half of The Meg 2 is basically Jaws, but with Jason Statham Jason Stathaming the sharks
Tasmanian tigers were basically hunted to extinction.
Yeah basically
Hackers: because no one rollerblades anymore.
Hackers: Because arcades don't really exist anymore and no one cares about the high score on for the ones that are still around.
I thought he was playing a PlayStation game on a less known type of controller. Googled it, apparently was an early version of the game Wipeout, unsure if it was an arcade game. Kinda makes sense for the hackers to have an early version.
FUCK YOU I'M BRINGING IT BACK
Do it!
I look forward to reading your post in [email protected]
I'll say this about Hackers: it's a period piece about what we (at the time) wanted out of the present. We wanted hacking, computers, living at the bleeding edge of all this tech, to look and sound that cool. So the movie takes liberties.
As a concept, that absolutely could be done now. You just need someone to work with today's youth and extrapolate from the present.
Yes and that's the only problem with that movie
It's in that place where I put that thing that time .....
I still rollerblade...
Damn... you're right.
I used to roller-blade all over the place in the town I grew up in. But most of the roads where I live are all dirt and gravel. So the amount of people who play on skateboards around here is pretty minimal too.
Hackers: because people don't listen to decent fucking dance music anymore.
Nah nah... You couldn't make Home Alone 2 today because if you were going to remake a series it would make more sense to start with Home Alone 1.
Dude, Where's My Car? Ashton Kutcher pulls out his key fob and presses the button, the car beeps and they find it immediately.
Easy fix:
Dude, where's my car keys?
Also you couldn't make Home Alone 2 today because most of the actors are a lot older now.
Now I want to see a 44-year old McCauley Culkin doing a new home alone, where his kids forget him at home.
I'd rather see a remake/reboot where Culkin plays a character similar to old man Marley, accidentally scaring the kid character as a local urban legend. Similar to the scene in the church in the classic, he could empathize with the kid of the movie by talking about how he once wished that his family left him alone in that time of year too, and he quickly found that he regretted that wish and he missed them terribly. A decent writer could roll with that concept and still make it a great scene where the kid has wise advice to impart so it's not just a soulless excuse for people to go "hey, that's OG Kevin!" I'm not that writer, but hopefully a good writer reads this and can get a solid idea together to pitch so I can see that movie in my lifetime.
The Critic did that joke way back in the 90s.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fonlEU7dFwA
And if you're interested in The Critic, I've authored the definitive episode guide and I suggest you BUY MY BOOK! BUY MY BOOK! BUY MY BOOK! BUY MY BOOK!
He just has a cool day. Some day drinking. High calorie snacks. Porn on the living room TV. Da works.
And he has early stage parkinsons, with hilarious consequences? I like your thinking, kiddo. you're hired!
That one guy who gives Kevin directions is 78 now!
Could you imagine someone trying to make Hackers work in the modern day?
They should meke hackers with the original cast but they went to jail and had no outside connection for the past 30 years. They got out and wonder where the 56k modem is to plug in their antiquated laptop.
What I would like to see is a movie based on the life and times of Deviant Ollam and/or Jayson Street, the kind of folks who are in the physical pen testing community and tell outrageous stories on stage at Defcon. Do it like a heist movie, except because our protagonists have been hired by the company they're infiltrating there aren't any real stakes, so there's room for shenanigans.
"RISC architecture is going to change everything"
Vaccine, flu shot, someone talk to me.
Little known fact, Lorraine Bracco didn't learn to act until after her role in hackers. Source: me, after watching her "act" in hackers.
What exactly wouldn't work with it? Heck, even the maguffin is a magic black box that lets you unencrypt everything, including bank transfer data.
I can't think of much that won't work.
Edit: just realized I was thinking sneakers, not hackers...
Isn't that what Gurl with the Dragon Tattoo was?
never saw that one.
Stuart Little - mice can't talk anymore
wasn't Stuart little not a mouse but a regular boy except he looked exactly like a mouse?
by nature or by law?
The missing word is "boob", for the record.
You can't make "The Princess Bride" nowadays because optimism and feel good emotions aren't things that we're allowed to have anymore.
Check out "Barb and Starr go to Vista Del Marr".
That movie is hilarious!
You couldn't make Home Alone 2 today because the creators would sue you for copyright infringement.
You couldn't make Cool Runnings today because the Jamaican bobsled team has been around for a few decades.
I think the title that was chosen for the French version of the movie would be problematic too today : Rasta Rocket
Why?
You totally could. It was a five-year-old story when the movie came out. Different decade, even.
It had been by then too. Also a lot of tropical and sub-tropical climate counties have bobsled teams, it's not that wild, all the Scandinavian counties play volleyball too.
You couldn't make Deadpool 1 today because it already premiered on February 12, 2016 and today is Sep 5, 2024, and it's philosophically impossible to make the same movie again.
That won’t stop them.
DC have remade Batman 900 times now
I don't think you could make a Deadpool 1 again because they never made a Deadpool 1. You could easily make Deadpool again, they do that all the time and it kind of sucks because you have to label it like Deadpool (2016) and Deadpool (2024).
Mostly you couldn't make Deadpool today because it takes way, way longer than that to make a feature length film. Maybe you could do a YouTube short or something if you get started now. It's already almost noon.
Technically you could, if the movie were a forgotten piece of media, or the makers happened to be entirely ignorant of it.
To that bottom comment in the picture. You'd be amazed at how incompetent the TSA and other security staff can be at most airports.
I don't know if this is still accurate, but the TSA failed their surprise tests over 90% of the time.
They didn't stop the shoe bomber or the underwear bomber either. There's a term for what they are, "security theater". They make it look like they're doing something to protect you, when really all their doing is stealing whatever they can get away with stealing and fingering people's buttholes as often as possible.
Also, the TSA (or other country equivalent) is usually at the boundary between public areas and the boarding/departure area, each plane has airline employees making sure that each passenger that boards the plane has a valid ticket for the flight.
The TSA has little to do with what plane you actually board.
it could and did happen. I remember reading about 6 year old kid getting lost at the airport gate (i think it was in germany) only to be discovered when they finally looked for their parents in italy. just went away while parents were preoccupied with something else and looked like someone else's kid while boarding the plane. as a parent travelling with small kid I can totally see that happening anywhere - kids can just walk anywhere with no questions asked as long as they are next to an adult who looks like they could be their parent.
Some creep stalker followed a family onto the wrong plane in DC just a couple of weeks ago
aw man, I know people steal buttholes but fingering them seems a bit awful
Collateral with Jamie Foxx and Tom Cruise because instead of hiring a taxi for the whole night it be easier to call a fresh Uber after each kill.
Arrival with Amy Adams because people would insist on using AI to translate the alien language.
Blow with Johnny Depp because of fentanyl ruining the ability to just snort a line of whatever whenever.
Arrival with Amy Adams because people would insist on using AI to translate the alien language.
It would end up like Mars Attacks where the translator thinks they're peaceful
You can. Airport regulations have no bearing on fiction, and the movie does not need to be set in present time either.
True, but I'm the context of the film, it was set in (then) current day, and at least partially tried to make him being left behind plausible in that context.
Though honestly, with the way they showed the mix-up even back then, it's plausible the same thing could happen with a kid now... If they look similar enough, and the parents were seriously distracted, it's not like they have id for the kids or anything now. It's parents dragging kids along and once you're past security it's basically the ticket agents glancing to make sure the number of people and number of tickets match.
We couldn't make Night of the Living Dead because it's daytime.
https://www.cnn.com/2023/12/24/travel/spirit-airlines-6-year-old-wrong-flight/index.html
But also once you're past security, which as I recall in the film where Kevin gets lost, he could definitely get on the wrong plane. Any sort of on flight check could easily be excused away with a new flight attendant or Kevin being covered by a cost or any other silly reason.
Spirit Airlines
See there's your problem right there
They prefer:
Spirit Airlines, making Home Alone 2 possible since 1992.
You couldn't make Star Wars (1977) today because we haven't figured space travel yet
You can say we forgot space travel because it was a long time ago and far, far away.
Really any movie that involves legacy telephones.
- Phone Booth: The whole movie
- Scream: "The call is coming from inside the house"
- The Matrix: "Pick up the phone!"
- Etc, etc.
The Matrix could still sort of work as a period piece, since they explicitly said that the simulation being set in the late 90s was an intentional choice by the machines.
The Matrix would still work because it's supposed to be a reconstruction of the world of the 1990s from the future.
Matrix today, put on the headset!
Scream: “The call is coming from inside the house”
i can't even
You couldn't make the super Mario live action movie in 2024, because Bob Hoskins is dead
And if he was, you couldn't make him star in it
John Leguizamo's still alive! Luigi's Mansion live action movie franchise, here we come!
I was kinda bummed that he didn't play Luigi in the animated movie. I love Charlie but it should have been Leguizamo
Golfinger. I watched it for the first time couple years ago. I couldn't believe the misogyny. It was disturbing.
What? You don't go around slapping girls in the bum? Casually harassing them? Painting them in gold?
/s just in case
Didn't bond rape a lesbian?
You're right, and a good insight into institutional misogyny is that most bond movies were heralded as being feminist for showing scantily clad woman doing strong things but always strangely succumbing to Bond in the end. We've come far and still far to go
Measuring how far we have come as a society, with respect to misogyny, by determining which Bond movies are no longer acceptable is a scale I've been using for a while; we recently surpassed Golden Eye in my eyes.
Hey at least this is one where you actually couldn't make it today instead of being one where you merely couldn't make it if it were set today.
You couldn't make Blazing Saddles these days because the kids wouldn't know why Howard Johnson, who's best known these days as a hotel chain, would be talking about protecting his ice cream stand.
You couldn't make Citizen Kane because flashbacks and other innovative filming techniques are now the norm.
Milo and Oatis - because you can't murder animals for movies anymore.
Roar- Hollywood is just to soft these days
I heard that the Milo and Otis allegations were an urban myth, but when I went to verify this I found that the actual truth is unknown (and possibly forever unknowable)
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/animals-abused-milo-and-otis/
You couldn't make 8 heads in a duffle bag today, because people would be like "what the fuck? This is just 8 heads in a duffle bag. Did I just pay to buy a decades old movie?"
Man oh man that movie sucked. Like change the channel to the 700 club rather than watch that shit type of bad.
Fucking love that movie. Unironic laugh my ass off love that movie
That's slightly political.
You couldn't make Home Alone 2: Lost in New York today because Macaulay Culkin is an adult now and nobody wants to see a grown man playing a young child.
There was a remake idea floating around the Internet, even with a petition and such, that asked for the first Home Alone to be remade, but to still cast Macauley Macaulay Culkin Culkin as 8 year old Kevin without anyone acknowledging the age discrepancy.
Culkin even chimed in at some point and tweeted that he would be down for it. And honestly? I would definitely watch that.
I thought fan canon was that Kevin McAllister grew up and became Jigsaw?
You couldn’t make Toy Story today because NOBODY should be okay with how disturbing Sid’s face is.
On a side note, with all the remakes that are made nowadays, why has there not been a shot-for-shot remake of Toy Story using Pixar’s modern tech? Please, fix those terrifying lips. PLEASE
You no longer need to use 10 step chains of parenting and unparenting to cobble together an animatable model, those data files are about as useful as a automatic loom's punch card system. They were badly stitched together in the bad old days. The only way to do that would be to make the film from scratch, and I can't imagine anyone would want to do it.
GOD Jeez Toy Story 1 did you have to use like the first 3d tools you found? How long have you even been working on this?
NOBODY should be okay with how disturbing Sid’s face is.
Heathers.
Revenge of the Nerds.
Revenge of the Nerds would work but it would be all the worst characters in the Zoomer Generation. And maybe they would treat the themes of alcoholism and rape a little differently.
And also the Javelin throw scene wouldn't work because the Javelins are heavily regulated by the modern rules.
Any Will Smith movie.
You couldn't make Casablanca today because that movie already exists.
I mean, technically you could still make it though... it likely wouldn't sell any copies, but then again look at Skibidi, or better yet, don't:-D.
You couldn't make Taxi Driver today, because Travis would have already died by suicide in a school shooting before reaching adulthood and getting a job. Plus watching Travis's nihilism growing not out narcissistic disgust with the seedy underbelly of New York, but out of love for the seedy underbelly of 4chan, wouldn't really have the same kick to it.
Scully and Mulder often had to clarify "they were in an area that did not get great cellphone coverage" thirty years ago, they were always getting separated in urban settings
The Weather Man... Cobra Verde... Even though the latter could have hardly ever been called mainstream.
You couldn't make any movie today, because you probably arent someone that knows how to make movies, and has the relevant equipment and team of actors on hand, and even if you do or try to get by with the sub-par equipment on like your phone camera or something, one day just isnt enough time to make a whole movie in.
It's literally never been easier to make a good-looking movie than today.
Mirrorless cameras can shoot good enough quality for the big screen, and you can get one under $1000 including a lens or two.
All the post-processing can be done in software, including special effects.
And more people than ever are comfortable acting out in front of a camera.
Definitely would have to cut parts and make serious edits if they made a remake of the original instead of the upcoming sequel, but Beetlejuice.
The slit wrist joke would definitely be cut. The ghost advisor woman who smokes through her neck would most likely be on the chopping block due to the decline of smoking. The scene where Beetlejuice is stuck on the diorama and goes to the hooker/strip club(?) would probably be out. And the scene that would without a doubt be completely removed or reworked entirely no questions asked in a modern remake would be the scene with the centuries old creep Beetlejuice trying to marry an underage teenager.
You failed the assignment.
There's a lot of really racist and rapey stuff out there that didn't seem like a big deal back in the day. From the 80's especially.
A lot of Mel Brooks films (yeah, it's humor, but would it fly today?)
Nerds.
The Meaning of Life
Porky's
Fast Times
maybe even Sixteen Candles?
Sean Connery's Bond movies and character were racist, homophobic, misogynistic as hell...
I don't think you understood the exercise.
I had a great idea for a movie a while back, a bunch of guys in their 50s trying to relive their youth by doing classic "pranks" from the movies from their youth and figuring out half way through that they were committing sex crimes and felonies and then hilarious hijinks ensue as they try to unravel their idiocy.
The Mel Brooks movies I've seen...
Young Frankenstein...I think you could make this movie, but there's no one in Hollywood that could play Marty Feldman's Igor.
Blazing Saddles...It's often cited as an outright dare to censors but really it's a very special episode. The most important line in it is "Ah prairie shit. Everybody!"
History of the World Part 1: The naked homophobia in the Caesar's Palace sequence isn't going to work in the 21st century. I think you could make The Musical Inquisition starring a singing dancing Torquemada but it would still have to be played by a prominent Jewish comedian. And from the French part of the movie, I think the main thing they'd cut is the old man freeing all his dead birds.
Spaceballs: no notes? Modern Hollywood wouldn't greenlight this movie because they can't sell parodies in China.
Robin Hood: Men In Tights: I'm not sure how "Testicles of a newt. Guess he's a transsexual now!" would fly in 2024. Can I share something strange? I 100% believe modern Hollywood would be able to make Robin Hood Prince of Thieves complete with the scene where Alan Rickman forces Mary Elisabeth's legs apart with his feet, but I don't think they'd be okay with making a lighthearted parody of that same scene where he uses an anachronistic jackhammer on an Everlast brand chastity belt.
