Why do these work?

Oh thank goodness, we're on track for a zombie apocalypse.

New Yorker: let me tell you about the war of northern aggression.

???

I don't even

Only top loading VHS players. Once we moved to front loaders the format was dead.

We should just rewrite the IQ test with a bias for babies.

Baby comes in test at 160, then if they test later just be like idk what did you do?

Conkers is a traditional children's game in Great Britain and Ireland played using the seeds of horse chestnut trees—the name 'conker' is also applied to the seed and to the tree itself. The game is played by two players, each with a conker threaded onto a piece of string: they take turns striking each other's conker until one breaks.

From: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conkers

I'll put it here (in this special place I never put anything) so I'll remember it.

It's a LIE and I fall for it every time!

How's their store? I'm kind of ashamed at how often I'll finish a book and then instantly buy and start another, but I also love being able to do that.

I have an older kindle. The micro USB is the only thing that really bothers me about it. It hasn't bothered me enough to upgrade, but it almost did the other day if they hadn't sold out and now jacked the price.

Did you tear down a laptop on the landing of some stairs?

This is a wonderful study. I'm fully on board with furthering this research.

Checking for extra wangs I suppose.

I'll never forget my horror when I asked for a medium coke and the lady just handed me some random beverage. She didn't even ask what kind of coke I wanted.

Though nowadays the only coke I drink is la croix.

"According to this debunked racist quackery I'm the best person who ever lived."

My first thought: I can't believe this idiot found a phrenologist.

Went from a pretty mid cartoon to whatever it is he's doing here.

Counterpoint: airplane farts are the worst.

I do feel surprised that Trump's comments on using the military against Americans isn't all over the news.

Candy corn is absolutely irresistible like once every five years.