That property has more rights and protections than people do.
The value of human life, in reality, is much lower than I thought it would be.
Laws and rights are only as good as the people & mechanisms that enforce them. A piece of paper doesn't protect you, people do.
That people often prefer a comforting delusion over the truth, even if it hurts them in the long run.
you don't have to make a living from the thing you enjoy most in life, in fact it's sometimes better not to.
That I will never enjoy the taste of wine.
I figured out I would never like coffee in my teens, and had the same realization about beer in my 20s.
But it wasn't until this year, in my mid-thirties, that I finally accepted that I don't like the taste of wine and probably never will. After years of trying the full spectrum of wines, I had to admit that it wasn't the "notes" that were turning me off, nor was it a problem with the quality of the wine. It was the fundamental "wine-ness" that I disliked, the same as I don't like the "beer-ness" of beer or the "coffee-ness" of coffee.
I've never quite gotten into wine either. I like most stouts and porters. Bit anything too hopy in my bear and it's going in the sink. Shame with the whole IPA revolution going on. Other than that cider and cocktails are the only thing I really enjoy consuming. Everything from the sweet Swedish Briska to the most fermented fresh pressed apple cider goes down without much problem.
Not all rich people are smart, and not all smart people are rich. Seems kind of obvious to me now, but it took me a long time to comprehend this.
It's OK to only do what you KNOW you are capable of doing. Too many people hurt themselves trying to push themselves too hard, when they just aren't ready yet.
Dad was not lying on top of mum to squash her.
No matter how much 6yr old me was complaining after entering their room early one morning.
Probably would’ve been nice to know I was trans a few years younger but I started hormones at 20 as did a friend my age who came out at 16, so like it probably would’ve been less consequential than much.
The importance of studying. And related, calculus and how electricity works. Both would’ve saved me a lot of money to have learned 6 months earlier.
Also how to say no to someone trying to negotiate your boundaries and use your kindness to push you into a relationship. I should’ve walked away the second she said she wanted to negotiate my no and that she wasn’t going to give up on pursuing me. That situation fucked me up and wasn’t even the first time someone with insufficiently controlled bpd wound up pressuring me into romantic/sexual situations I wasn’t comfortable with by making it harder to say no than to give what they wanted.
That it's never too late!
Not too late but later than I should have:
- To seek professional mental health help
- To understand that Bisexuality really exists. Growing up and in my teens in media and pop culture it’s seemed that you either were gay or straight, no other option.
And that being gay was bad. It was not conveyed well in our media, and our culture was full of negative connotations with non-heterosexuality. I feel you on this one. Bi people exist, and we're everywhere!
People just don't care about you that much, if you go into the street wearing nail polish as a a male presenting person no one will care if you don't act weird about it. Same thing for shaving your legs.
Family might care though, what helped me was understanding that I spend a few days per year with my family maximum, but I spend that whole time with myself. So who cares what they thinkbe yourself.
This helped me start transitioning at 19
I don't want to transition. I am 100% male and this will not change, but I still wanna dress sometimes like a gothic queen. Will happen for Halloween.
But I still feel like people care. Even small changes on me get attention. I guess it depends if you learned lots of peoplr and friends in University or not.
I think when Learning new people, it might have an influence. But idk. I never tried it because I am afraid.
People will often take “I felt like it” or “I thought it looked cool” for an answer. Halloween crossdressing is normal, though yeah some people will wonder if you’re questioning your gender, it’s more because it’s a common safe way to express that and any concern is likely from a desire to help.
And for what it’s worth I’ve known many cis men who like nail polish. Especially as an expression of goth, punk, or emo aesthetics where adopting feminine expressions are seen as cool for guys to do.
Don't buy the cow if you're lactose intolerant.
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free
The things that don't kill you, do not always make you stronger, but leave you wounded forever.
When I was a little girl I thought that everything, all the abuse and neglect, it somehow made me... special. And I decided that one day I would write something that would make little girls like me feel less alone. And if I can't write that book...
...if I don't, that means that all the damage I got isn't good damage, it's just damage. I have gotten nothing out of it, and all those years I was miserable was for nothing. I could've been happy this whole time and written books about girl detectives and been cheerful and popular and had good parents, is that what you're saying? What was it all for? - Diane Nguyen, BoJack Horseman, S06E10, "Good Damage"
You're saying Kelly Clarkson lied?
Not just her, but also Nietzsche
When someone is abusive or hurtful to you, 90% of the time it's not your fault. It's that there is something wrong or something broken in them. They are malfunctioning and it's necessary to understand that.
The other 10%.... Well, own that and fix your mistake.
But a very large majority of the time, it's them being broken and wrong.
Figuring out abusive relationships for me was hard because I knew friends with good intentions, and gave valid criticism but were absolutely brutal about it.
Now I very rarely associate with very insecure people. They are always looking to "prove" themselves, often by putting others down.
They can't just accept someone's accomplishment, they have to go "well actually you got help from so and so..." And always try to undermine your achievements. Extremely mentally exhausting people.
For me it’s been rough accepting that I’m absolute bpd bait. I struggle to hold boundaries and am happy to help people in need. Add in a trusting nature and yeah I’m still learning how not to get abused.
That in spite of doing my best to care for their mother as she slipped into the madness of depression and alzheimers before dieing last year, that they care about my sacrifice because no one other than me or my brother cared enough about her to help with her care(we did the best we could I know it wasnt enough but at least we were there for her)
But they get to keep her money after kicking us out of the house and selling everything she had so thats cool right?
Basic necessities arent a given and one should b grateful for em
Grateful to who?
I think you can just be grateful to have or experience something. Like you can't be grateful to anyone for a full moon, but you can be grateful that you saw it.
Yeah, I didn't know people were just giving out basic necessities. I've been allowing people to exploit my labor for nothing this whole time?
The people who give them to you?
That there's a opensource version of reddit!!
Nah I feel like I hopped on right on time. When this first started out there wasn't too much content.
No matter how hard you try, how loud you cry, some people will never change.
That I have moderately severe to severely severe ADHD and I'm on the autism spectrum.
Makes functioning as an adult quite difficult.
Join us at [email protected]
Dynamic programming. I should have just chased a check rather than trying to save the world
Your own happiness is more important that somebody else’s happiness.
Not to say you shouldn’t be nice or help people, or invest in other people’s growth.
But don’t do it to the detriment of your own.
I'm not sure it's ever too late to learn anything. Unless you are dead.
But I do wish I'd been able to feel ok about my body as a teenager, the anorexia was harmful to my bones & heart, so I guess technically I learned too late to value my body, or learned it too late to avoid damage anyway, though I'm pretty healthy overall now. I think almost all teenagers are uncomfortable with their looks in some way, at least they were back then.
I have elderly family that seem miserable because they never bother to learn or achieve anything since they are "too old" for it to matter.
They assume retirement is just lounging around all day until you die. They don't pursue hobbies, read books and are not very active since it "doesn't matter" .
I read somewhere that if you actually wanted to feel good when you were old, it took 3 hours of exercise every day (meaning physical activity, not 3 hours of weightlifting). Which made sense to me, and I figure if I'm able, that's what I'll do if ever lucky enough to retire. I don't have a spare 3 hours a day now but have increased my daily movement to get ready so it's not a shock, lol. So they could be depressed because of physical idleness.
But it seems hard to never learn anything, unless you are making a very intentional effort not to!
Your high school diploma. Nobody ever asks for it. No job I have ever held has asked for proof that I completed high school which I didn't. My last job had a class they wanted me to take at a night school and that's when they realized I didn't have it after 7 years of competent, exceptional work, so they just shrugged and got me in there anyways
Shit, I was able to get my GED to get in to college, didn't complete, and get a job at one of the biggest tech companies on a prestigious project without completing either. But I was self taught and lived and breathed tech stuff to get there at 29 while the people with CS degrees were getting there at 22, so there's a downside. But it's just a piece of paper.
I'm a perfectionist and I realized I've been making life too hard for myself. Choosing a low bar for success but keeping the ceiling high has felt like a much healthier approach.
The consultant's proverb: done is better than perfect
Between a pragmatist and a perfectionist, one of them sleeps soundly and knows what he's doing tomorrow.
"Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly" I try to remind myself, with a history of postponing things, and not wanting to imperfectly do things. Rarely I've regretted doing to my current ability, but countless times leaving things undone.
The thing that comes only with age is: to not give a fuck.
When we learn that it doesn't matter we can all be little old people who are purple mohawk headed, wearing clashing neon adidas jumpsuit with zebra primted boas.
I only learned this a few weeks ago at 40 years old, now my hair is blue, both my ears are pierced and I'm a lot happier. I told my 19 year old daughter that "what will people think?" has been my mantra, now it's "fuck 'em"
There’s always someone who will look at your life telling you you’re doing everything wrong. And you know what? That’s fine. It really doesn’t matter.
The sunk cost fallacy is a very easy way to get stuck being miserable.
Sometimes a drastic change might be painful at the time but will be much better for you overall.
Definitely agree with this one
Brushing teeth regularly, and flossing , is more important than I ever realized.
Man good dental hygiene is one of those things you just do not think about until you’re older. Flossing, interdental, mouth wash (before brushing), regularly visiting the hygienist and dentist. Your teeth evolved to last 35-ish years, the rest only happens from hygiene.
I'm dreading the day my bad mouth hygiene will catch up to me... I know how bad it is but I still can't get myself to brush every night.
It gets mighty expensive.
If you're like me, then some time in your thirties. I didn't brush from early teens through until then - I had several abcesses and needed seven teeth removed, including my top fronts. Turns out I had undiagnosed autism, depression and low self image. Now I do brush, and it's just a case of forcing myself to adapt to a routine. Even keeping some flouride mouthwash handy for a quick swill every now and then helps a bit. Hope you find your way.
I was like you, the transition was not easy, but what helped me was to brush my teeth when I already went to the bathroom to pee. This meant that I rarely brush my teeth at the same time. But I do it every night now. This also helped me reduce my snacking after 20:00. Because I didn't want to snack after brushing my teeth. I convinced myself I was going to do this and ever since I only missed 2 nights. What also helped is using a tracking app where I could check it to "gameify" it.
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Any work or study done during an all-nighter is a waste.
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If you meet someone and all they do is talk about themselves, they won't be a good friend.
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Nobody really cares how you look or what you wear. And anyone who does has bigger issues they would rather not deal with.
Depends. When I was in art school, I regularly worked for 36 hours straight, and at least once for 72 hours straight. But it's studio work, where you're actually making a <<thing>>; it never would have worked to have been trying to read Marx/Engels or Hegel and expect to have any kind of comprehension.
Yeah engineering work on an all nighter is worse than not, but you gotta do what you gotta do and it’s physically there then.
Though writing for a classics class is the other area I’ve found all nighters to be acceptable. Though that was as a 19 year old on methylphenidate.
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To just invest in broad index funds instead of trying to play the stock market.
So what you’re saying is I should HODL my Bored Ape NFTs?
/jk, broad stock & bond index funds are the way to go.
No no no, they're saying buy more NTFs! They just need to be different apes so you can have a broad index of them!
:P
I did both. Mostly ETFs, then some companies I liked. I’m up 100% over seven or so years, but I do admit I got lucky on companies I liked. All EFTs are up a bunch, the safest way to go!
Hello fellow boglehead. Im happy i learned this at a young age, a long time ago.
I was never going to "find myself" and so I should have just gone to college with my friends for computer science and made the good money when jobs were easier to get even though I had no interest at all in it. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that jazz. Now I'm a worthless schmuck in a factory living in someone's garage paying their mortgage in rent prices.
All my interests are hobbies, some of them even too expensive for me to do lol they're nothing you can monetize.
All my interests are hobbies, some of them even too expensive for me to do lol they’re nothing you can monetize.
Work is for making money, hobbies are for spending money. I think a lot of people mix that up and lose their enjoyment; money changes your perspective on why you're doing something.
Take heart: had you done comp sci just for the money, you'd be where you are now. Comp sci isn't for people in for the money but for people who find it exciting and have no idea their career is timesheets. :-p
No, really: I saw a LOT of people flame out of the programme, and most of them admitted they were in it for the payday.
That's so true. I studied Ba. Information Technology for two years in 2004-2005 and dropped out due to family reasons, then I went back 10 years later and did Ba. Software Engineering in 2013-2016.
In both instances, it was clear about half those enrolled in the programme were only in it for the money, you could tell that some people were just not excited about software. They were the ones who had dropped out by the end of first year.
The other lot were those who did find it exciting, but severely underestimated the difficulty of the discipline. These were the kind of people who have can edit game config files to add a bunch of mods to Skyrim, they consider themselves a tech wiz want to study to be a game developer. But they barely pass intro to Web programming with html and JS in the first year and fail the first oracle database course in second year. I had some good friends who failed out hard in second year of software engineering for that reason.
I don’t feel too late to learn anything so far.
You can just ask people out. You can just ask to kiss someone. I was in my mid 20s when someone told me the first one, and late 20s when someone told me the second one. Dating got a lot easier after each revelation.
I agree with your comment in general, but it does depend entirely on the context and the situation. Eg, at work, you can't just ask someone out. That's a sure fire way to end up in front of HR.
Right, and you shouldn't ask a married monogamous person out on a date, either. Never came up for me but is worth keeping in mind! A lot of guys seem to struggle with "she likes me bro she smiled at me" -> "my guy she's the cashier at work she has to smile at customers."
That it doesn't matter what other people think of me as long as I'm happy.
It doesn't matter what other people think, full stop. The world is full of people who think they know better. ignore them.
I think there's a balance. if you really don't care anymore, you'll become a bad person that nobody wants around
How to properly manage a budget and how do credit cards work
Relationships can be anything you want them to be. I wish I spent less time trying to figure out if someone liked me and just tried to have fun with everyone I met.
"Fake it till you make it" doesn't mean pretend to be happy until you are happy. I committed to a relationship I wasn't happy in, a career I wasn't happy in, and hobbies I wasn't happy doing, all because I wanted the approval of others. A divorce, career change, and hobby swap made me much happier.
Yeah, fake it till you make it only applies to overcoming self doubt, and should not be used to dismiss glaring problems. It certaibly doesn't work as a cure all for actual problems.
It can in rare cases work for happiness, but only if the reason is one that is just based on self doubt while things are actually going well.
Yeah, it's about projecting confidence when you want something and you're intimidated by it.
Compound interest.
At 50 I learned I’d been tying my shoes wrong my entire life.
Welp, as long as they haven't kept coming undone for those 50 years I guess it can't have been that wrong...
Yep. Learned the first knot goes left over right in my 30s. Shoes fit better and don't do that stupid thing where the laces face front to back.
My whole life has been a lie.
I've been wearing slip on shoes for so long idk if I could even tie a granny knot
real!!
Manage your finances. Know where every penny goes. Budget as best as you can - plan for all of the things you know you spend money on through a year. It doesn't mean you can't spend money on things you like, but it does mean that you know when you can afford it. It gives you confidence and control no matter how much you are making.
There are some services I use that make like a million charges under a dollar. Those are really hard to manage so I use a privacy card with a spending limit to keep track of them.
Grace Periods.
I'm glad I know them now, because for the longest time, I thought I was in a fucked situation whenever my finances were tight. Like if I was due a bill and my pay cannot cover it because of the dates being different. It used to make think that I had to take a hit and just roll with it. But no, some of my bills allow me a brief grace period where I can gather resources in time. Sometimes I'll even stretch my money beyond some grace periods if it means that I can upkeep some resources then just pay the difference later.
Stoicism. The philosophical ideas of how to live a purposeful and good life.
Aurelius would hate what stoicism has become
Indeed. For many people it has become some kind of Broicism where alpha Incels talk to each other about how tough they have become and how they’re suppressing their emotions.
That’s of course not what I refer to. I actually read the ancient texts and The Inner Citade by Pierre Hadot. When I talk about stoicism I actually mean it in a way that Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, Rufus and Epictetus would agree on.
Marcus Aurelius' "Meditations" really gave me perspective.
The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday is a great beginner sampler, and/or a way to keep it in your life when you don’t have an appetite for the “heavy” stuff.
That I'm autistic and signs of psychological abuse.
Empathy, Hurt people hurt people.
I met a lot of people with traumatic histories, and were very insecure. They are utterly exhausting to be around. Constant nitpicking, valid criticism with brutal delivery. Make excuses to undermine others accomplishments.
They are not bad people, or have malicious intentions, but can only be described as utterly exhausting. You are always on edge.
Lying can get you ahead in the immediate, but then you’re a liar, and liars lose friends and alienate people.
opposite for me. Sometimes it's better to lie about small details as to not bag down an unrelated conversation with "well actually it was my sister's boyfriend's mother's dogs uncle that told me that, not my sister's boyfriend's dogs aunt."
I also have autism and struggle with conversations so that's probs why.The danger to me is its sorta impossible to lie without in some way believing it. The Costanza thing. It basically reduces your own ability to discern reality.
Really depends on the lies. Lies that get you ahead on life are typically not the same ones that tend to snger those you care about.
Go to therapy.
And don't be ashamed about it. Don't advertise it, but also don't hide it. It's 2024 and we're allowed to ask for help.
Therapy is maintenance (at the very least). If you haven't ever been to therapy, you're driving around without an oil change.
Being a good person is a weakness in capitalist civilizations.
Its a super power, actually. Everytime I meet one they impact my life so deeply I can't help but admire them and completely swoon.
I'm glad people still admire altruism. I have ADHD and a weird symptom of it is a "rigid moral compass" and a "strong sense of righteousness".
I had pretty cynical and rich parents that were very skeptical of my worldview and attitude. I sort of accepted that I'd remain alone by " doing the right thing". Glad to see it may not be that way 🤞
I know plenty of assholes who aren't rich, so I don't think there's any correlation.
@bstix You don't have to be rich to be an asshole, but you almost certainly have to be an asshole to get rich.
Oh, please. It's most definitely not.
Agree. If you were 100% capitalist and everything you did was about money, then maybe. But most of us balance that for the benefit of our mental health and, well, not being a dick.
@UltraGiGaGigantic It's the only way to fight, though.
That you don't put soap in the bootyhole
Wait what? Why?
Basically, soap is not intended for use on the internal part of your body, and will make your whole asshole burn like hell if you put even a bit of it inside...
Because the soap bar might get stuck up in there
Take it sleazy. Not for everyone, but for some people the most productive way of getting stuff done is doing it with less effort. Don't go too fast and burn out
Double entry bookkeeping.
Who was committing fraud?
How to make latte art. First success today at the age of forty!
Nice! Best I can do is still just a heart. How are you learning / getting better at it?
I work with a latte savant and just watching him is a lesson.
Dating lol
I was today years old (20) when I realized to not rely on anyone for anything. You're on your own in this small little world.
My friend, I hate to tell you, but that's just not true. We are incredibly at the whims of everyone else to even get too and from work or school each day. We only have running water, electricity, food in the fridge, etc., because we all depend on each other.
Don't mistake being independant with being self-sufficent. Don't mistake requiring the support of others for requiring the support of any one, specific person. Every single one of us is dependant on many of us, but none of us should plan on being dependant on any one specific person for our entire life. And that's okay. This is how society functions, and life is a lot better for it.
Though I am sorry for whatever happened today to leave you feeling that jaded. Some individuals really just aren't worth it. It sucks when we think they are, and find out the hard way.
