"Shaking like a dog shitting razor blades" is the opening of an alkaline trio song. They're out of Chicago, so I don't think this is local to small town Kansas. Also I'm from Texas and piss like a racehorse was fairly common.
Southern US, heard police horse but racehorse is more common. But my family's was always "gotta piss like a pregnant woman" and "gotta piss so bad my back teeth are floating"
I once heard a coworker say: "if brains were gunpowder, they couldn't blow their nose".
A friend will occasionally say "that'll make you take back shit you never stole", which apparently means the thing (whatever he was talking about) was good.
I feel like this could work for so many things. Like a nails on a chalkboard noise, or a bull in a China shop situation. A bull made of nails amd teeth.
And I thought my language had something unique. Turns out, saying "even from a sack full of pussies he would pull out a dick" to an unlucky person isn't that unique to us.
I have a pretty mild one that I've used all my life: "Good Lord willing and the creek don't rise." I said it once to the owner of the company I work for and he thought I meant I wouldn't do what he'd asked of me, and he got a little upset. I had to explain it meant the opposite. That I had to explain it to him didn't really ease the angst of the situation...
I was bewildered regarding shitshow at work and said, "it's like going around your butthole to get to your elbow" -- the californian and the Canadian had apparently never heard this phrase before.
I realized then it was a southernism 😂
Went back home after like a decade and ran into my dad's old boss from when I was a kid. His southern drawl was pronounced and nasal like a side character in an old western, "Well I ain't seen you in a coon's age!
Y'all gotta check out this artist "lilbubbychild". He creates these incredible animations of southernisms. As a lifelong southerner, I can attest that most of these have been said by someone in my life.
"The Man on The Moon couldn't see that!" (Still not sure what this means)
"Tighter than a fish's pussy" (Self-explanatory)
"I was no more good" (I was shocked and surprised/amused)
"Hand me that 'little chicken' over there, would you?" (Little Chicken replaces any and all nouns)
The man on the moon is likely the "face" of the moon (if you try, you can kinda see it). And since the moon has a really good point of view from way up there, if he can't see it, no one can.
i.e. the man on the moon can see all, but not [that]
I once worked with a Dutch guy who would use the word "dinggus" (pronounced sort of like dingus, but without the emphasis on the g) in place of any English noun he didn't know. Took me a couple of days to work out that it was a placeholder word and that it could refer to something different every time he used it rather than being a name for a specific thing
I'm from the south and I've only ever heard it as "that could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon at twenty paces" in case you were missing the end of it.
British English has an inordinate number of slang terms for being drunk, and given the right context and intonation just about any phrase can be made to mean "drunk"
Pissed, hammered, spannered, rat-arsed, bollocksed, badgered, smashed, away with the fairies, banjaxed, tired and emotional, battered, can't lie down without holding on, comfortably numb, drunk as a Lord/Judge, steaming, twatted, wasted, three sheets tut wind, lagered up, leathered, legless, pickled, off your tits/face/trolley, out yer tree, pissed as a fart, wellied, sayin hello to Mr Armitage, shit-faced, trollied, utterly carparked, etc, etc.
"going off like a gumtree on a gas line " was a common saying in our school, but I'm not sure how wide spread that one is, referring to how damn flammable they are.
I also love that "a bees dick" is a valid unit of measurement on most construction sites.
Southern Spain is also famous for sayings like these, some that come to my mind that I've heard from some friends:
"Hungrier than a snail on a glass"
"Has less fat than a goat's knee"
"More leg than a box of shrimps"
"This is harder than sweeping the floor upstairs"
Why would a snail be more hungry on a glass surface than any other surface? Or for that matter, why is it hard to sweep the upper stories of the building than the ground floor?
Hey now with all the saying I know and find out have racist origins and shouldn’t say that shit anymore, I dunno why you’d dunk on someone trying to be better