I become a career bureaucrat.
I become a career bureaucrat.
![](https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/403e24c0-4b42-4688-a04e-a097da8cb885.webp?format=webp&thumbnail=128)
![](https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/403e24c0-4b42-4688-a04e-a097da8cb885.webp?format=webp)
I would be responsible for creating more and more paper forms which have to be filled by hand before each task.
PS: Can you guess what I'm doing now?
Whatever the guys in MS Cloudstrike did today.
38 0 ReplyI write code for those who pay me money.I delete code of people who don't pay me.
29 0 ReplyBased.
2 1 Reply
I’m a teacher, so I guess now I spread misinformation on social media for a living. 🤡
23 0 ReplyYou guys are getting paid?
11 0 ReplyYes we are (see, I'm doing my part in spreading the misinformation)
3 0 Reply
I was gonna say I suck knowledge and graduation credits out of old people
2 0 Reply
I think the exact opposite would turn me into a literal pirate; stealing money in a way that statistically increases the risks of maritime commercial ventures.
19 0 ReplyAre you the port authority or what?
8 0 ReplyMaritime adjuster. My body is a machine that turns the inherent risk of fishing into box wine.
17 0 Reply
I make sure people don't talk to each other about what they're working on and hide important information they need to complete tasks. Sometimes I'll advise them to work on the wrong thing for a long time.
In my spare moments I delete the data in reports and unpivot tables.
15 0 ReplyThat sounds like what my managers are doing right now, minus the unpivot tables. I have to guess what I am supposed to do.
5 0 ReplyScrum master?
4 0 ReplyNot an agile environment, but about equivalent
1 0 Reply
I write good code now.
13 0 ReplyI fix software bugs
13 0 ReplyWhat a coincidence! I now create them...
5 0 Reply
I transition automated processes into manual labor
12 0 ReplyProbably how governments want to solve joblessness, just like the Germans in the second world war forced their population to build highways by hand.
4 1 ReplyLike the Works Progress Administration.
1 1 Reply
We use modicon stuff for that.
1 0 Reply
I am now loving my job.
12 0 ReplyI write software that scours the internet for porn and other NSL content, then sends it to school kids.
11 0 ReplyJesus fucking Christ =)))
3 0 Reply
Software engineer here. I'd become the worst thing I can imagine... a user.
11 0 ReplySame but I was gonna say PM
2 0 Reply
I have a job! Woohoo!
11 0 ReplyDamn I feel like the polar opposite of my job is also my job. But if I try to make it bad, I'd say I would hurt and demotivate children and try to keep them stupid
9 0 ReplyI lock people out of their homes and break door hardware.
Aww geez, I'm a frat boy now
8 0 ReplyLocksmith?
2 0 ReplyYep, and fratboy related calls are a surprising percentage of my income. Poor dears, a perfect combination of preternatural strength and mind-numbing stupidity. Or, as their parents like to think, our future
4 0 Reply
Break computers
7 0 ReplyNow I cut features from software one by one
7 0 ReplyYou'll have a promising career at Google
13 0 Reply
I work in IT for a company that helps patients get medications they need.I physically prevent people from getting the medications they need.
6 0 ReplyI guess I now beat people up?
6 0 ReplyWelcome to United Airlines for your new role! You’ll fit in great here!
2 0 ReplyYou work in healthcare?
1 0 Reply
I am served and taken care of from the moment I wake up untill the moment I fall asleep. Someone makes me nutritious meals, and I only do activities that stimulate my brain. Once a year a small baby gets shoved up inside me
6 0 ReplyNow I'm Not sure if you give birth once per year currently, only gave one birth in your life, or plan to be childless.
6 0 Reply
My job is having a job.
6 0 ReplyWelfare?
2 0 ReplyIn the US? That's a good one.
2 1 Reply
Does that mean instead of cleaning up the place, I make it messy as fuck? 🤔 What's the opposite of a janitor?
5 0 Replyhttps://m.facebook.com/story.php?id=100044627940324&story_fbid=811165880381003
Life without you would be terrible.
1 0 Reply
Annihilate transportation infrastructure on a large scale.
CloudStrike has already put me out of business, it seems
5 0 ReplyWell, fuck, I'm now an engineer on day shift. (I'm night shift QA and most of my issues are caused by careless engineers.)
5 0 ReplyInstead of talking to the customers and fixing issues I'm writing code and breaking things.
So apparently I work at Crowdstrike
5 0 ReplyBlack hat hacker, I break into people's servers and fuck up their shit
5 0 ReplyDo you work at Crowdstrike now?
2 0 Reply
I do research on technologies that make airplanes heavier, increase their fuel consumption and make them fall out of the sky more often. Oh and I spend time in the classroom making sure students have no idea how to reverse it.
4 0 ReplyHow is it working at Boeing?
6 0 Reply
I destroy AI. I'm basically the terminator.
4 0 ReplyWait, if you destroy AI, wouldn't that make you John or Sarah Connor?
1 0 ReplyLook he's a very special Terminator
2 0 Reply
Instead of building homes, I destroy them... So same trade, different step.
4 0 ReplyI'm an anarcho-capitalist with a real hatred for the homeless.
4 0 ReplyIf it were the opposite, I make sure planes come out of the sky
4 0 ReplyErik, you mustn't!
1 1 Reply
Outbound inferiority
I make sure what I send is going to fail all the tasks. Nothing but the worst for my customers.
4 0 ReplyIll be hosting AA meetings.
4 0 ReplyI ignore people with broken bones
4 0 ReplyI find people who have been injured by corporations and greed, and rob them.
3 0 ReplyI now make it impossible for trade schools to be publicly funded.
3 0 ReplyCause brain damage? Idk how do you remove knowledge?
3 0 ReplyTiktok. Facebook.
5 0 ReplyBookburnings Tv on tlc Let them play...
1 0 Reply
I disorganize rare books and artifacts 😔
3 0 ReplyI decommission computers with a very efficient inventory and documentation system.
3 0 ReplyI become a Asset Liability Mismanagement specialist.
My job is to devise an investment strategy and corresponding pension benefit structure that maximises the chance that the pension fund runs out of money before all pensions are paid, and does so as quickly as possible while taking as much risk as possible.
So basically what pension schemes did in the 80s and 90s.
3 0 ReplyI race up a mountain in an old suv. Hang gliders fly up and land at rhe top of the mountain. We all drive down to the landing zone.
3 0 ReplyI travel on-site to build server clusters wherever my company needs them.
I decommission Raspberry Pis at home.3 0 ReplyEfficient desktop destroyer
3 0 ReplyTraumatise people.
Could be fun for a while!
3 0 ReplyIf you pick the people carefully and tailor the trauma, I might not even take issue with it.
2 0 ReplyExcellent.
I'm gonna kill your mum, steal the roof off your house and send you twenty pineapple pizzas.
1 0 Reply
I cause soft tissue damage
3 0 ReplyDo you normally repair hard tissue damage?
2 1 Reply
I go to people's houses and steal their books.
3 0 ReplyI reverse-engineer software.
3 0 ReplySame, which is funny because i sometimes do that for fun as a hobby lol
2 0 Reply
I guess my job is everything.
Edit: And I guess no more recovering from medical stuff. Maybe about 2 years from now I'll be post surgery enough to start working again.
2 0 ReplyI guess now I ensure that hot water heaters will explode?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rGWmONHipVo&pp=ygUfbXl0aGJ1c3RlcnMgd2F0ZXIgaGVhdGVyIHJvY2tldA%3D%3D
2 0 ReplyI have to make sure life is as difficult as possible, and squash all opportunity for learning and growth for the most affluent, able and healthy people who exist in our society.
What do I do....
2 0 ReplyI encourage people to use drugs in the most dangerous way possible. Occasionally kidnapping people from hospitals or rehabs and then dump them on the streets.
2 0 ReplyI do not sell software. Don’t install it. If you try to anyway and have questions, I will provide instructions on how to completely fuck your integration up.
2 0 ReplyHaving.a job instead of waiting for the next quarter of college. As to what the job is, couldn't tell you.
2 0 ReplyVisit people's houses and take their food.
2 0 ReplyI'm sitting at home with PTSD from deployment instead of working, so the opposite would be me working without PTSD. That would be great, where do I sign?
2 0 ReplyI assemble and disassemble industrial machinery for final testing. I already do the opposite of what I do?
2 0 ReplyI make chemical weapons to kill millions.
2 0 ReplyI'm now taking digital databases and write them by hand in an unnecessarily vomplicated fashion to paper while making up a story for each entry.
2 0 ReplyI break bones...
2 0 ReplyA super hierarchical and meaningless job in a big company, for which I'm well-paid. I have a lot of colleagues and I hate them. I have no right to initiative and strict but quiet schedules.
2 0 ReplyI think I work at Crowdstrike now
2 0 ReplyI make up pseudoscience? I guess?
btw gravity is fake, the earth is flat
1 0 ReplyNo no no the earth is fat not flat
1 0 Reply
Poor
1 0 ReplyI follow disabled people around for hours, doing everything in my power to make life less convenient for them.
1 0 ReplyI now talk to women for a living
1 0 ReplyI destroy media that large scale companies collect for various purposes.
1 0 ReplyI become a professional hotel critic.
1 0 ReplyI don't make false promises anymore. I'm free.
1 0 ReplyI destroy aircraft tools. Sometimes I also make them.
1 0 ReplyI sit and listen while old people complain about music all day.
1 0 ReplyI'm a pastor who rails on the demonic music of today.
1 0 ReplyIlluminating Monk.
1 0 ReplyYou're a dull crack-head?
1 0 Reply
As a QA, I guess I'm getting zooted and living in my head!
1 0 ReplyFarmer.
1 0 ReplyWhat is the opposite of a farmer?
2 0 Reply
I am now an oil baron.
1 0 ReplyI go buy stuff!
1 0 ReplyI destroy things instead of creating them.
1 0 ReplyI take warriors and train them to integrate into the real world.
1 0 ReplyApparantly I'm endangering everyone and encouraging chaos and disorder
1 0 ReplyCop, immigrant, learning how to do the job across the pond?
1 0 ReplyNope just a lowly resort security guard
1 0 Reply
I cause massive amounts of damage and disorder within local school systems.
1 1 Reply