You are now in charge of Russia. What do you do?
You are now in charge of Russia. What do you do?
You have all the powers that Putin currently does. Everyone completely loyal to Putin is now loyal to you. Enemies of Putin are enemies of you. Putin no longer exists, and there has been a clean and absolute transfer of power to you. The economic, military, social and political situations are the same as they now are. You are not inhabiting Putin's body, you are just you. You're magically transferred to the Kremlin. The world at large doesn't know your past life, to them you have magically appeared as the new ruler. To everyone who knew you before, you just vanished.
Edit: no one knows your past life YET. They'll quickly figure it out. You will not lose any support based on your actions in your past life.
Try to learn Russian really quickly.
You're the president, just make English the official language. Now it's their problem.
Blyat
- Give Volodymyr a call
- Pull out of Ukraine and Georgia
- Hand over Putin to ICC
- Instruct the loyalists that democratic reform is coming, and nobody is to be given the window/tea treatment.
- Call Navalnys widow and tell her to prepare her political aparatus
- Announce an election in 6 months (should be enough to prepare everything, I guess?) with international observers encouraged to participate
- Realize that I have no fucking idea how to ensure that elections on that scale are free and fair, so I ask for assistance from aforementioned observers.
- Pull an epic prank on Lukashenko. Possibly involving potatoes.
- Realize that I am in no way fit to run a country, and start planning my (safe) exit. Once the election results are in I'll be gone without a trace.
- Repeal putins laws
- Start releasing political prisoners
- Last thing I do before leaving is calling this guy named/called Misha whether he's fine with Murmansk, or if he wants the city to have a new name.
- Get murdered somewhere around step 4 at the latest
If I were truly thrown into this scenario, my first step would be accepting likely death. Even if you maintain status quo and do no good, you’ll be killed by the next guy in line. There’s nearly no way to both satisfy the current oligarchs and maintain enough power to prevent being replaced by one of them. There is also no way out, as Russia has carried out assassinations in foreign countries. Not that you’d make it onto a plane.
So I really would try to do all that. I’d tell them that whatever force got me there also gave me time to enact failsafes so that, if I disappeared, every property that every Russian billionaire owned would make unexpected contact with drones. Then I’d go ahead and post Putin’s files with every billionaire’s dirt and holdings hoping to start some fires they’d need to put out before coming for me. From there, an aggressive push towards democracy by appealing to the people in the hopes that they’ll back me, which might buy a little extra time.
I think this secures a few hours. They won’t want to move against a complete unknown that suddenly became president. That’s enough to call Biden (allegedly to negotiate US withdrawal from Ukraine in exchange for election interference in Harris’s favor) and send him every bit of data on the military that I could. That might be enough deterrence to buy more time: “the US military knows everything now, so killing me might have consequences.” I’d CC several other NATO members, but for time’s sake Biden is probably the one to call.
Maybe I could get some bodyguards that appear loyal to me, maybe not. But every bit of bluster I could muster, I’d throw it down out the gate, then start trying to fix the country before they call the bluff.
Yeah, I still die quickly, but even a single step towards improvement is worth my life. An easy decision to make when it was forfeit the second I became president. Even if I failed miserably, merely dumping presidential documents would have been worth it. Perhaps it’d get the ball rolling.
Edit: I missed the part where everyone loyal to Putin would be loyal to me. That opens up a ton of space to actually set up these failsafes or move against the oligarchs myself, as well as secure the Kremlin with men more or less actually loyal to me (by wiring them all a million USD on the spot with promise of more). Putin put down a rebellion from one of the most powerful oligarchs, so there might actually be a way to survive long enough to do many of the things on that list. I’d probably not dump the oligarch files and keep that on a disappearance failsafe then proceed mostly the same hoping to generate serious, potentially irreversible momentum before dying.
Sounds like a good way to get a pro Putin oligarch elected. Even with fair elections they have a lot of support.
Nice try, Putin.
Just asking for a friend
two chicks at the same time
They're North Korean assassins. But you had a good run.
Eh, worth
Man
"That's it? If you were in charge of Russia, you'd do two chicks at the same time?"
Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a dictator I could hook that up, too; 'cause chicks dig dudes with countries.
assign everyone a government mandated fursonaFreak the fuck out.
Pull back from Ukraine, Crimea, and Georgia, and negotiate an immediate ceasefire.
Call as many political scientists and scholars as possible and get their advice on how the fuck I can design a reformed system of democratic governance that is robust enough to withstand the inevitable attempts to undermine and corrupt it.
Find the multitude of stashed billions from the various oligarchs and seize it, use the money to invest in overhauling Russian society--improving infrastructure and education, improving the standard of living, etc.
You'd probably be tossed out a window before the day was over, TBH.
Yeah, people forget that tyrants never stand on their own. They are propped up by a complex system of corruption that benefits from the tyrant's decisions. They will defend this system and the head authoritarian. Not out of love, devotion or loyalty, but to protect their own sources of ill gains. Just like a Mafia, it holds up on a shared complicity of its members on the crimes being committed. This is why generals force low level officers to witness the violations and tortures, and corrupt politicians tie in their underlings in the money laundering schemes. If everyone has something to lose, then everyone conspires to keep the corrupt system going.
Yeah, it's a fantasy, and an extremely off-the-cuff, low-detail, wouldn't-it-be-nice-if list. In reality, I'd probably either shut up and change absolutely nothing while I figure out the power structures, or I'd just work out a payoff to quietly step down and leave without a fuss.
transfer collective power of russia to hexbear and see what happens
Chaotic neutral
Get the fuck out of Russia
Oof, they're already in a population crisis
Probably get assassinated if I'm being real
Probably shit my self.
Not because it's scary or something, just because I have so much power that I can shit myself and no one would dare say anything.
I think i'm starting to understand dictators
Ideally, I'd call up Zelenskyy, ask if he wanted to hang out, have a beer and offer him the job.
Realistically, I'd be doomscrolling on Lemmy, have a wank, get drunk and go to bed.
Don't stand too close to windows.
For starters:
Arrest Putin and all his enablers.
Stop all hostilities with Ukraine.
Return all prisoners.
Help rebuild Ukraine.
Develop Russia into what it can be. It's the largest country in the world, lots of land and resources. Build it up responsibly and sustainably.
Recognize the positive achievements of Russia while trying to avoid past mistakes.
It’s the largest country in the world,
It's a federation. You could balkanise Russia into dependencies.
Contact Zelensky directly, and offer the following peace terms:
Ukraine gets it's land back, everyone gets their own people back, war crimes are investigated. Inform him that if he takes the deal, I'll start issuing orders to surrender immediately, and we can sign whatever document and do whatever ceremony when people aren't dying. Delegate the orders to withdraw and surrender.
Call Trump and talk to him about future relationships with Russia. Immediately publish the phonecall so there's evidence of him violating the Logan act.
Then I'd schedule a to see a physician so I can get some Healthcare, and start bringing in real experts so I can fix the domestic problems Russia is facing. This'll probably include a translator because I don't speak Russian. My overall goals with the reforms would be restructuring the central government to be an extremely robust democracy, abolishing corporations and replacing them with cooperatives, putting together better (especially IT) infrastructure, and dismantling Oil production. Russia is already a place where online piracy thrives, so I'd probably lean into that, and make state-sponsored programs that make information freely available to the entire world.
Big fan of the free info for the world, state funded open source solutions targeted at shitty companies would be good too - I'd probably start by utterly destroying Adobe snd then an open source printer that's easy to manufacture on fllosh machines to kill HP and the rest of the awful junk companies.
This’ll probably include a translator because I don’t speak Russian.
I feel like that's the problem for this question in general.
Invite DJT, Bibi and several other leaders to my dining room, on 14th floor, with great view as with many, many windows ...
I would want to be the sort of leader with tons of weird facts around himself, so
Offer a ceasefire with Ukraine, try to make peace with as little losses as possible. It's not really my priority to make war, my priority is filling my wikipedia page with as many different shit as possible.
Abolish physics laws one day, then legalise it again.
Introduce Mann Co's CEO policy for the position of Vice President. (Whoever can beat the current VP via one on one unarmed combat becomes the current VP, no matter who.)
Legalise gambling between 03:00-07:00 and ban it between any other time interval.
Define tax evasion as a taxable income source, as long as they detail how they commit tax evasion so future laws can patch it.
Take putin's legalising piracy one step further and fund open source piracy software openly. Offer developers full time residency and shielding from law if they encounter legal troubles.
Make a deal with another country's leader to declare war and make peace right afterwards, breaking the records for fastest declaration of war, shortest war and the fastest peace treaty. Maybe declare multiple wars in a similar fashion to try to keep lowering the records.
Recognise all micronations, with the exception of those around Antartica.
Claim Antartica is owned by polar bears and define all claims made there as illegitimate claims.
I wanna vote for u as world leader
How about this?
Captain Basculin: An Unconventional Leadership
Early Life and Ascension
Captain Basculin, an enigmatic figure whose rise to power is marked by unconventional policies and bizarre regulations, unexpectedly succeeded Vladimir Putin as the President of Russia. Despite the sudden and unexplained nature of his ascension, Basculin quickly established a reputation for his peculiar approach to governance.
Policies and Governance
Ceasefire and Peace Efforts
Basculin's initial policy focus was on establishing a ceasefire with Ukraine. His goal was to minimize conflict and loss of life, reflecting his broader inclination towards peace rather than warfare. This pragmatic approach was coupled with a unique personal ambition to enrich his Wikipedia page with a plethora of unusual facts.
Legislation on Physics and Gambling
In a series of unprecedented legislative actions, Basculin enacted and then repealed laws regulating the fundamental principles of physics, creating a temporary period where physical laws were suspended. He also introduced highly irregular gambling regulations, permitting gambling exclusively between 03:00 and 07:00, and banning it during all other hours.
Vice Presidential Appointment and Taxation
Under Basculin's administration, the Vice Presidential position was redefined with a policy inspired by Mann Co's CEO selection process: the position would be awarded to the victor of a one-on-one unarmed combat match against the incumbent Vice President. In an unconventional move to address tax evasion, Basculin redefined it as a taxable income source, provided evaders disclosed their methods to assist in future legal reforms.
Piracy and Open Source Software
Building on Putin's legacy of legalizing piracy, Basculin took a step further by openly funding open source piracy software. Developers involved in these activities were granted full-time residency and legal protection, creating a controversial yet distinctive facet of his governance.
Record-Breaking Wars
Basculin initiated a novel diplomatic strategy involving rapid conflict resolution. He brokered agreements with other nations to declare and end wars in record times, repeatedly breaking records for the shortest wars and fastest peace treaties. This approach extended to multiple countries, aimed at continually lowering these records.
Micronations and Antarctica
In a bold geopolitical maneuver, Basculin recognized all micronations worldwide except for those located around Antarctica. He also declared Antarctica as the territory of polar bears, dismissing all human territorial claims on the continent as invalid.
Legacy and Impact
Captain Basculin’s tenure was marked by a series of surreal and unconventional policies that have made a significant impact on international governance norms. His approach has both intrigued and bewildered observers, cementing his legacy as one of the most eccentric leaders in modern history.
I think you have some stiff competition on the shortest war from the Conch Republic. You'd have to sign the peace treaty in 59 seconds to beat the record. (Be sure that the enemy sets their killbots for a very low preset kill limit.)
Finally. All these years of Hearts of Iron are going to pay off big time.
Ctrl+A, Delete
Stop the war.
Apologize.
Find someone else to run the show.
Resign. I can't handle that kind of responsibility
I'm not saying I'd demand a functional set of Doctor Doom armor, but I'm not saying I wouldn't.
I really don't like that level of responsibility. Probably just put the country under anarchic rule, and head back home.
I would have ice cream for supper, that's for sure. If I started getting fat, I'd start taking the new weight loss shots to trim down. I'd offer everyone in the country ice cream for supper and then I'd also offer them weight loss shots if they got fat from eating ice cream.
Finally! Someone who tackles the REAL issues!
This... is difficult.
See, the oligarchs love Putin because he keeps them wealthy and comfortable at the cost of his people. If I come in and start helping my people, it'll come from the oligarchs, then they'll turn on me. Which comes to the other Putin thing, he's absolutely feared in Russia. Someone annoys him, polonium tea. To those that are absolutely loyal to him, he has an iron fist with a velvet glove. To those not in positions of power, the glove isn't there. That's what his power is.
I'd like to think I'm cutthroat if it were in the name of good... but we're talking Ex-KGB with top tier paranoia, deservedly earned. I'm pretty sure Putin-Me would have a "self inflicted gunshot" to the back of the head within hours.
As I, Ivan IV, now stand as the undisputed ruler of Russia, my first act shall be to consolidate power by crushing any remaining dissent among the boyars. I will strengthen the central government, expand our territory through conquest, and establish a centralized, autocratic rule to ensure the absolute authority of the Tsar. The people will be brought to heel, and the Orthodox Church will be harnessed to support my reign. Russia will become a vast and powerful empire, feared by all, as I reshape it according to my vision.
Let a hell of a lot of people out of prison and throw a Pussy Riot concert for them.
What are my goals? The same as Putin?
If yes: continue attrition fighting, but defensively. The goal is to stretch out ukraine losses past the point of western support. Keep offering varying "peace deals" that solidify the capture of oil and gas resources and access to the black sea. Claim the fighting will stop once the Russian territory is liberated (the captured oblasts). In the backroom arrange to let israel to start their middle east ground war, that will distract and drain support from Ukraine. Move the conscript soldiers to the Russian side of the north eastern border with Ukraine. Negotiate to get CIS volunteers as part of the defensive home guard.
If no: pull back troops to very defensive lines across rivers. Dig in. Don't try to take any territory. Negotiate for return of some territory in exchange for crimea and total access to black sea, settle for crimea and a promise not to join NATO for 20 years.
Focus on energy export pipelines to Europe and China, try to pivot industrial base to post solar future. China is the biggest long term competitor, find a niche that is critical to Chinese interests like oil (negiotate with kz to be sole supplier)
Goal is whatever you want, but keep in mind if you erode your base of support you'll likely be defenestrated.
In the second scenario, would you opt for less adversarial relations with the West? Would you try to maintain/rebuild the greatness of Russia?
Second scenario Is all about economic health. Can't pay my cronies if we don't have money! Russia's diplomatic past, and its current position, requires an antagonistic relationship. It could be built out so it's not necessary, but that would take a very long time, more than one generation. However, staged niceness could be negotiated for economic concessions or trade deals. The greatness of Russia would be an exercise in public relations, military victories are not necessary.
Abdicate. And die I guess. I couldn't even navigate politics in the US, no way could I politick at a Vlad level.
Immediately stop the war against Ukraine and pull back to the 1990s border, then enlist international experts to improve the country and peacefully integrate with the global community
How do you avoid a coup by the oligarchs?
I would listen to the international experts that i gathered and generally follow their recommendations on how to do that
Oh my god, first things first, repair relations with Ukraine. Secondly end the war. Thirdly repair relations with the west.
Then begin the task of figuring out why a random white guy in Ohio suddenly became the ruler of russia.
Also, stay away from windows and tea. I imagine MANY russians would attempt to take the life of an American who's ruling their world.
But also, I'd actually make attempts to improve the health and happyness of people in russia. And increase tolerance towards gay people. It's like the 1980s over there in that regard.
Reminds me of an 'elseworlds' Batman story from a while ago.
Bats kills R'as al Ghul but realizes that Ghul's evil empire is still operational. Batman takes the role of R'as, but sets it up so that all his top lieutenants take each other out. It takes a few years, but eventually the League of Assassins is a force for good in the world.
Something similar in Russia. Pit the worst of the worst against each other and let democracy prevail.
Do you happen to remember the name of it? It sounds good.
John Byrne wrote and illustrated.
The idea is that they start with the characters in 1939 [when they premiered] and move forward decade by decade. Supes stays young while Lois gets older; Robin takes over from Bruce.
It's been a while, but that should be enough.
Immediately start figuring out how I can disappear. I am not cut out for the world Putin lives in.
But assuming I'm staying in the job, I find oligarchs who have been personally impacted particularly badly by western sanctions and share with them that the war has become too costly. I know I can't openly just change my mind, because too much of the apparatus below me would gut me for it and nobody on the other side would believe me. So we're orchestrating a coup against me. If you just let me fuck off, I will, and we'll set it up so that you're taking the reins off of me. Powerful figures that have legitimate grievances against the ongoing costs of the war are going to forcefully oust me and offer peace. I'll try to pick one who will actually do that. Someone who stands to profit enormously from better relations with Europe.
That's a pretty interesting play. "I know you're planning a coup so let's make a deal and avoid all the bloodshed and lost profits."
Wow, this is my one of my least favorite reincarnation isekai yet
Put all money into conquering pluto while trying to make it a planet again
United Soviet Socialist States of the Kuiper Belt
What's your take on Eris, Ceres etc?
Everything in space is a planet, even the moon
If I just magically appeared and everyone knows it was magic, I could claim to be God and get even more power.
Now that's a sequel to Freaky Friday I'm down for. I don't want the Putin mantle though, can the movie feature Zelenskyy and Putin waking up in each other's bodies?
(Real answer btw is the same as everyone else, we just want the war to end and Russia to be free, y'all.)
Obviously stop the war but after that: Step one, thorough cleaning of public offices. Step two MRUSSRA hats. Step three, no profits.
If you havent already, I would highly recommend you watch the following video by CGP Grey:
Rules for Rulers https://youtu.be/rStL7niR7gs
It describes why its so difficult to turn a country around from authoritarian to benefiting the people. Even with magical dictatorial power.
Put most of my hoarded billions $ into funding education in Russia -and funding a legitimate socialist party in America.🇺🇸
Try and do what Trotsky wanted to do before Stalin took the reigns.
What is this lemmy.ml? Trotsky by most accounts wouldn't have significantly changed the course of history for the soviet union. When push comes to shove he would have likely been every bit as brutal as stalin.
Pull out of the wars, declare myself a constitutional monarch, then appoint a prime minister from a reasonable democratic party and then call an election every 5 years.
I think hiring more people from North Korea, increase policing for conscription avoidance and spend a lot on industrial policies to encourage arms production. Mjeh, basically what they're already doing.
Start special operations into every single nation bordering Russia at the same time and immediately board the next flight to Venezuela.
Live in exile and laugh my ass off while Russia balkanises right before I get murked by half a dozen hitmen at the same time.
I didn’t think this through. But so did Putin.
I do not accept the new position and therefore I leave Russia secretly, as fast as possible, and go back to my home.
After all, I want to live a little longer than Russian leaders usually do.
End the war, arrest and imprison all oligarchs, declare the rebirth of the RSFSR (Russian Soviet Federative Socialist Republic)
What do you do about the generation of Russians who have lived West of that border their entire lives?
This is the real rub about border disputes that last more than a few years.
I think it would look something like "If I Was President" by Wyclef Jean. None of the world powers would suffer an anarchist to be in a position to make actual changes towards equity.
Elected on Friday. Sworn in on Saturday. Assassinated on Sunday.
This is a job for Bitt3rSteel. Make it a hoi4 disaster save episode.
Initiate special prosecution to investigate all of the former leader's administrative state, changes made to law and the country's oligarch class. Maybe based on Nuremburg trials structure, likely world experts on this type of investigation/prosecution brought in from outside of the country.
Negotiate immediate ceasefire with Ukraine, establish a council to fund and return Ukrainian children to Ukraine, restore land borders to pre-Russian invasion (at least), establish restitution to rebuild cities and support the people.
Demolish all levels of media censorship and open access to all information.
Tell China and North Korea that were no longer friends and publicly announce to donald that his last resort hidey hole is now closed, unless he wants the underground hitler suite complete with loaded gun, gas can and matches.
When all this is done, or far enough along to feel like it can complete, New democratic elections held for every seat of government, including my own. In strategic waves to preserve stability.
Change the name to Vacation-land for Lawyers in Love.
Russians wouldn't know what to do with democracy if you gave it to them, there are plenty of older Russians who would be happy to go back to the way things were before 1991.
There's no trust in leadership, corruption is rife, the people know they're being lied to, they're used to it and expect it.
I'd GTFO as soon as humanly possible before I'd try and fix things and just end up making it worse.
nuke it
New Fallout game just dropped
Free healthcare
*with purchase of one healthcare of equal or greater value
Negotiate a peace agreement between NATO, the European Union, Ukraine and Russia, with the aim of:
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Keeping control of Crimea and small parts of the Donbas in exchange for the land Ukraine gained in their Kursk incursion. This would give Russia access to a second sea port that can be used all year round, and unlike Kaliningrad, isn't an exclave sandwiched between NATO powers.
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Negotiating the immediate release of all POWs on both sides.
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Obtaining a neutrality agreement to ensure Ukraine will not join NATO (EU or EFTA membership is fine.) Not really anything we can do about Finland or Sweden joining.
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Joint Russian and Western aid in rebuilding Ukraine.
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Lifting all economic sanctions (including those placed on Russia before 2022), travel restrictions and readmission back into the G7, Council of Europe, FIFA, IOC, etc.
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Launch all the nukes for the lulz