Imagine opening a phishing link and suddenly your balls are taken hostage by a hacker
WannaCry? No, WannaCum.
Can still cum, just no sperm 🥲
Future kink
Cannot pee anymore :(
(because the pee is stored in the balls)
Don't kinkshame me
Or someone triggers this remotely after it has been off for like 2 years. You sit on Monday morning meeting. You get up to the screen to present your new project and boom.
After you get snipped, it's potentially weeks/months before you are shooting blanks, a switch like this is less of babies/no babies and more like babies/accidental babies.
Edit: sorry for facts on shit post
Yes here is an article about it. Article
The relevant part. “The binary nature of the Bimek SLV might make it seem that you can switch off your potency at will, but the body will need time to flush existing sperm out of the system, as it were. The ever-helpful FAQ says that it may take up to three months, or “until about your 30th ejaculation.” Whichever comes first is a question only you can answer.”
To clarify why, it's because sperm travels through those tubes for at least 5 days before reaching maturity and then once in position can be ejaculated by a pressure differential caused by the prostate (that bulb thing between the balls and urethra). So an effective switch with an instant effect would need to be placed before but directly adjacent to the prostate which could have potential complications when the prostate attempts to dry fire with the feed shuttered.
The solution is clearly to add a synthetic pressure bladder. (Don't, I'm joking).
This was my first thought. I could see this being a medical procedure in place of a vasectomy. Get switch (or something less likely to get bumped) installed and set to off. Then when you want to have kids, another procedure to turn the switch on.
People keep looking for a quick fix for male sperm control, I didn't think it is possible. At least not as a off and on solution that keeps coming up.
There’s a big difference between this and getting snipped. The difference is, like, vast. It’s a vast difference.
More of a vas deferens I think
Yes, indeed, you said the funny part aloud.
Angry up vote
This, but I want the voice command changed to "Go go gadget genitalia"
i like how each tube has an individual switch. for when you only want some cum
Its so you can decide if its gonna be a boy or a girl
That’s not where cum comes from. Your testes only produce spermatozoa
No that's where the pee is stored.
The breeding kink option
I discovered this amazing life hack. If you never talk to women, you'll never have sex with one and then you'll never have kids.
I discovered a life hack to have sex without such a tool without getting anyone pregnant....
🏳️🌈
And I discovered a life hack to get pregnant through gay sex!
🏳️⚧️
D:
So a toggleable vasectomy.
Trouble is you need a several days (maybe a week or more) and/or a few ejaculations to actually be sterile after a vasectomy... So this isn't the kind of thing that you can flip on in the moment and you're safe.
I'd imagine most men would only need to actually use the switch twice in their lives anyways. So having to wait a couple weeks wouldn't be too bad.
Better to keep it off until you and your wife are trying for a kid than keep it on and flip it off for saf(er) sex. Why keep your cum on while you're just walking around?
Mostly for fashion reasons
They told me three months. In case the wires reconnect
wait till this comes with a monthly subscription
When Google wont give you back the API keys to the chastity electrodes
Hang on one second babe…
(clap-clap)
Things you don't want tied to a clapper may include this device.
Go to a play
"Fuck was that even or odd?! I've been workin' on this date since dinner!"
Remember to flip the switch back on when you need to pee
Not the same plumbing.
Great! Someone should write HomeAssistant integration!
"Hey, Google, I'm having sex!"
Google turns down the lights and turns on the balls.
The stereo starts playing Yakety Sax
I don't want a kill-switch. I want a turbo-button to slice metal sheets with a jet of cum.
You need a button for that?
If you are experiencing pressure issues just mitigate the issue by adding acids (via special infection cultures in the balls) to the cum, or some abrasive materials (jagged kidney/bladder stones perhaps?).
is this one of them brandnewsentences?
I'd just forget which one is on and which one is off. Also I have zero need for the on setting.
Just redirect my urethra and install a single Y-Valve. Flip the switch up and I cum out the tip, flip the switch down and I cum out my taint.
Ultimate pull-out method.
You could even add a bag attachment and keep it for later!
Saving up cums so I can do one huge pint-sized cum.
Googling "What is the shelf life of cum?"
I'd say "imagine having to explain to your date why you've got cum in your ass", but it sounds like you already did.
I see two casings for switches. Do you have to toggle each ball individually or something?
Also, how do you remember which way to flip the switch? Can it get turned around?
Dude imagine getting hit with a groin shot with that fucking thing in your taint
I think I'd be more concerned if my hands were that small
click
Before continuing, please accept the following terms and conditions.... [35 pages of legalese ensue]
Followed by 15mins of unsinkable ads
uBlock Origin -Iceberg edition-
"you're subscription will expire in 3 days. Renew now to avoid testicular incineration."
Hook it up to a clapper and live life dangerously.
Wait won't this turn off their brains? How will they breathe?
This seems more practical for a temporary birth control for men.
Still under development, but works like a microscopic net to prevent sperm from exiting and can be dissolved later if you do decide to have kids.
An even better birth control is Arch Linux. It's free and open source. I use Arch btw.
As a fake internet doctor this is all I need to diagnose you as STi free
This is the real reason Data doesn't tell everyone where his off switch is.
That's some Chobits shit.
I guarantee you the same people working to ban abortion and female contraception will go after this too.
Male contraceptives are difficult to approve to begin with, specifically because there's no political will to expedite anything that benefits males as a sex. They don't need to go after this sort of thing until something actually gets approved.
The FDA also requires tighter standards regarding side effects because they do not prevent or treat a condition that the patient has (because pregnancy is not a concern for male persons). If you ever hear someone talking about a male pill and implying that the guys in the study couldn't deal with relatively minor side effects, it wasn't the patients that ended the study and it wasn't because patients were unwilling to continue using it.
There was also a pill derived from cotton plants, but it had two major issues: The first was that the difference between a contraceptive dose and a toxic dose was too small to be comfortable. The second was that sometimes (but not always) the effect was permanent.
There's also a technology developed in India for a sort of reversible vasectomy that requires an injection of a polymer in each vas. It started out as an attempt at an artificial heart design, in the 70s was used as the basis for a water pump, and still later became the basis for the contraceptive. US IP rights to it were bought by a US company in 2011, and a slightly different formulation of it was in testing until 2023 under the name Vasalgel (which proved less reversible than the original). The rights were bought by a different company in 2023 who are looking to try to bring it to market under the name Plan A For Men.
That's either a very small finger or a very large dick
For you
Id do this if you could get LED ground effects attached to the bait&tackle, good for the dramatic reveal
Go full RGB, acquire "Gamer Balls".
That's this:
The RGB just makes you nut faster.
Ya but can I have my switch installed near my taint?
Careful what you wish for
(👁 ͜ʖ👁)
We all know pee is stored in the balls.
So this is just a piss switch.
(Which would actually be a real issue solver for folk with incontinence issues.)That exists. My great-aunt had one of these for her incontinence problems.
Oh, for real, not just catheters with a valve either, proper internal semi-permanent valves/switches with magnets, some even gravity operated.
Thx for TILing me.
Who needs to turn their sperm release on and off so quickly? I understand wanting it to be easier than surgery but no one needs it so fast that you flip a switch. Deciding to have kids is a huge decision that often takes months of fucking to succeed at.
What if you don't want to have kids with your concubine, but do want to have kids with your wife? What then... Mr smarty pants?
It's for when you need to pee
Roses are red, this drink's made from laudanum...
If this was controlled by your Google home, it would need a battery, which would need to be recharged. Imagine saying "hey Google, turn my balls off" and getting "I can't reach that device" because you forgot to recharge your ball switch last night.....
We're living in the future
Like others, I don't have a use for my balls anymore. It sure would be nice to keep them around looking good though. But anyway, could I please just get the euphoria stimulus! I don't really care for all the gooey mess.
"Mods, deactivate this man's balls."
I mean if you're that worried it'd be more effective to build up a spank bank for making kids later and then just get a vasectomy.
we have different definitions of the words 'spank bank'
They just want your money, super glue works just as good and it's cheaper, non-invasive.
Actually you’ll need to cum 3-5 times with the switch off to eliminate the chances of impregnating someone!
It’s that way when having a vasectomy
Wouldn’t compression of the tissue starve it if oxygen and cause necrosis?
What? Why would you permanently compress it?
TIL about the meme, but to continue hypothetically - any sort of pressure to either hold the ends of the type in the mechanism, or if the tube continues through the mechanism and a “pinch” is done to prevent flow.
This is an idea from a book by john scalzi called starter villain.
Controlled vasectomy...
