I was out with my friends once in my early twenties, drunk at the limit between "flying high on wings of booze" and "incoherent mass of sick and confusion."
There was this girl who kept catching my eye every time I saw her out and about, and this time she happened to be at the same dive as us. I finally decided to try talking to her, so I kinda' awkwardly accosted her at the bar and I think I started pulling my "over-the-top intellectual" bit for a laugh.
Somehow, it worked! We kept chatting (she was buzzed but significantly more sober than I was), we kept laughing, then she asked me to accompany her on an ATM trip after a while. Now, I'd completely lost my capacity for reading between the lines at this point, so I just took it as a generic action. About midway through the trip, she started pulling in very close to me, my current guess being that she had intended to try smooching. My drunk brain thought "oh, she must be feeling the drag, we need to keep her blood pumping." So I called a race, last one to the ATM is a rotten egg.
Again, surprisingly, she was into it! I could hear her giggling as I was pulling away. I was running like a madman, I could feel my legs moving by themselves. I was a beast, a high-performance machine, a force of nature! Almost started congratulating myself for being such an irresistible hunk, when suddenly I could feel the curb grabbing my left foot. I plunged forward, but luckily my stage fighting reflexes kicked in and I completely unexpectedly started doing landing rolls. I literally rolled the rest of the way to the ATM - about 4-5 meters, not kidding, I'd picked up some serious speed while galloping like a horse on coke. She won and was laughing her ass off, the alcohol inside me had been angered and my brain was oatmeal.
I don't remember many details after that. What I will say, though, is that it worked! Also, that I never again tried wooing or racing anyone while drunk.
This is what I visit Lemmy for
Well how'd it work out after that
Woke up at hers with a splitting headache and profound nausea (nothing happened, because obviously nothing would happen, I was as close to Wasted as possible), after that things didn't really go anywhere. Nothing dramatic, she was lovely, we just didn't match.
Ah, I remember being this age. Thanks for the story, it took me to a really special place.
So the curb (being a metaphor for mankind) caught your leg (a metaphor for the undertaker), and plunged you towards an ATM (colloquially referred to as "an announcers table" in some circles). A bit cryptic but I got it.
Unexpectedly sweet? I kept waiting for it to turn bad and it never did. Cute!
I was waiting for this to be a setup and you get mugged to withdraw from your ATM. Glad it turned out better lol.
When I was like 10 I remember reading advice in a body building magazine that has stuck with me ever since:
"Don't try to pick up girls, literally or figuratively, at the gym. Women don't feel sexy when they're sweating unless they're already naked."
ask them to undress before starting the workout.
got it.
And every time I mention the fact that there are no places anymore acceptable to ask a woman out besides the bar (not much of a drinker, also not abstinent) or online (I don't even social media):
Some dickhead: Just get a hobby bro, go to the gym!
no.
I never tried to impress women at the gym when I was single. I go to the gym to focus on self improvement. I do not like talking to other people when I’m there. I do not like looking at other people when I’m there. I also know that women at the gym mostly loathe men trying to pick them up there. So basically if you’re at the gym you’re a dude to me. And if you’re a dude don’t talk to me.
Putting on big muscles is for the boys, real girls don't actually like it.
Plus of course if you don't put on stupid amounts of muscle you retain the ability to scratch your own nose. Seriously some of the guys at the gym, watching them try their names is a site to behold. The ideal body shape is not the Hulk
Same with beards. You'll get a lot of attention with a nice beard, but not many girls perse
Beards are for for your wife, not for meeting girls.
Married men know what I'm talking about.
Can confirm. I've gotten exactly one comment from a woman about my physique a couple years ago. I get comments from dudes fairly often. I do still think about what the woman said to me like all the time though.
Wow! Way to just trivialize the appreciation from the homies!
But yeah, they probably know and understand what you went through for your build much more than others. Or are simply less intimidated.
Amen, same with watches and motorcycles and revving your car
In high school I had a crush on this girl who had something on her Facebook about really liking gummy worms. I read that, thought "this is my in" so I bought a bag of gummy worms. Honestly, not a bad plan. Next time I saw her, I pulled out my bag of gummy worms and ate a couple.
Did I offer her a gummy worm? No. I was under the impression that she'd see me eating them and say "hey, you like gummy worms too?" And then we'd start chatting and [something] and then we'd start going out.
Well, clearly it wouldn't work. You should instead act like you hate gummy worms and give them to her to get rid of them.
The correct assumption when you see frank red blood on exertion is either lung injury/infection/cancer or terminal alcoholism. It's usually the later.
Latter*
Also, don't forget the ever fun Mallory-Weiss tears if your sudden exertion involves something like jumping, or, since it's also associated with heavy alcoholism, after a long and good barfing session.
Leaving Las Vegas.
Gets noticed in the gym and complaining still sheeeshhh
This guy who was a *lot bigger than me
Charlie's got a touch of the consumption.
He's been poisoned by his constituents
Wow, it took until their second sentence before they demonstrated how completely unhinged they are.
10/10 game
well I mean if she left even without notifying staff or anyone that is a pretty clear red flag but then again so is spurting fake blood to get attention. so maybe they would have made a nice match.
They both dodged bullets.
that is a pretty clear red flag
This isn't a red flag, this is a predictable psychological response:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bystander_effect
The bystander effect, or bystander apathy, is a social psychological theory that states that individuals are less likely to offer help to a victim in the presence of other people.
Alternatively: op was not a suave and clever as he thought, has very obviously been macking on this woman, looked at her, took a sip from his gym sippy cup, spat red shit on the floor at her feet and then stared at her.
I'd fucken run too
I mean I do understand the sense of weaker responsibility when there are other people around especially those who are immediately responsive and seem like they know what they are doing. But being the first one to witness a distressing event and vacating the premises immediately without informing even the staff is an outlier example, even for this theory imo. Just to note though we are probably discussing this over some made up story.
We really are a unique animal aren’t we?
At some point a single male spider started dancing for their lives. Don't diss innovation.
The Nickelodeon show makes so much more sense now
Yes? Show the other replies please.
I want a version of that appropriate/inappropriate meme but with the guys coughing up blood and both pictures labeled "inappropriate".
Don't let your memes be dreams
real and straight
This seems like something they should probably see a therapist about? That doesn't seem like the behavior of a healthy mind.
Well it is 4chan.
good point, what am I saying?
Yes acting hurt or injured in any way will not help you in landing a girl. They are looking at you and wondering how you can benefit their life not how they can benefit yours. Next time just go up and say hi, if she likes you she will be eager to speak with you if your conversation feels like pulling teeth then she doesn't and just move on.
That reminds me April Fools Day is approaching. When I was young I worked in a haunted house where we made blood capsules using Karo syrup, red food dye and put it into empty capsules. I deal with two guys at work that like to get stupid stoned at lunch time
If her reaction to seeing someone suffer is: "leave", then anon is better off without her.
If someone’s coughing up blood in front of me I’m leaving too.
tbh I'd probably leave but notify someone who works there so they can call an ambulance or do first aid or something. and even if the cougher wipes the blood up, the floor there should be disinfected.
Yea, I'm not dealing with whatever contagion they may be spreading with that. GL to them though.
Depends. Some people just absolutely cannot handle blood under any circumstances.
Yes I remember the Buddhist saying “weight lifting is suffering”
Honestly a powerful litmus test. You’re not going to hook many, but by god will they be empathetic.
