Anon needs help responding to his coworker

"Hi, Lesbian, I'm Brian."

Beat me to it! I already posted mine before I saw yours haha

"Good for you, but what does that have to do with the job?"

And by job I mean my penis.
- My man. This is not the way.

Respond super excited, like when you meet someone who shares the same niche hobby than you: "I like girls too! So tell me, what have you found to be the best technic to eat pussy?"

A thespian you say? Why, I was in a production of Hamlet myself!

E tu, brute?
Thespians? Aren't those illegal in 7 states?
- Omg if they wear the clothes off the opposite gender

"Neat."

What prompted that disclosure? Could she smell the horniness emanating from Anon? Did he, as he noticed she was a woman, give off a vibe like a starving cartoon wolf imagining the main character as comprised entirely of sausages?

I believe he started vibrating 15,000 Hertz. A totally normal response in the presence of all women, not the sign of a weirdo at all.

I respond by hoping I'm a girl in this scenario. Anon forgot to specify.

Look at the image
- Anon also forgot to lead with "be me"...

“I, too, am a connoisseur of fine pussy.”

Yeah this didn't happen because there's literally no reason to bring that up. Unless OP was being creepy which is totally possible given the website.

“Hi, Lesbian, I’m anon.”

'I know'

"Hell yeah I like chicks too!" go for a high five

"me too"

Final answer

Anon must address her as “Lesbian” for now until eternity, considering that’s all she is.

In this case its a bit different but what i see is that everything is oversexualized but the effect of that is people are actually more lonely because every social interaction you have with anyone who could be a sexual partner automatically becomes strange.

Sorry that you feel obligated to mention this based on your past experiences. I hope our interactions are professional. Please let me know if I step over a line... my jokes are sometimes a little off but never misogynistic maybe a little dark, but I work on it.

With that out of the way ... my Name is Anon, I am happily married. Now.. let's Beginn =]

So, do you pronounce the full name, "lesbian", or do you shorten it to "les" or something?

Hi Lesbian, I'm Anon.

“Sounds like we have something in common.”

"Well, then I now identify as a woman, girrrrl!"

Oof. That seems inappropriate on so many levels. I think it offends pretty much everyone.

And I'm married, so I'm kind of asexual (at work), so we're ought to be friends!

It's probably a way for her not to be flirted with. To protect herself. So I'd say something reassuring like that.

Really fucking arrogant/egocentric to assume every guy out there is trying to flirt with you, no?

Like, I'm gay, if someone said that to me though I'd be tempted to report them to HR for a hostile workplace interaction.

They're literally passing judgement on you by appearance (what else was disclosed in that scenario? literally nothing), and that's not ok.
- If you're a woman and have to be near an unknown man, it's safe to assume the worst. It's a sane reaction.

"I wasn't interested"

Shrug is the only correct response at work. Or maybe "that's nice" to be more polite.

Or "noted" or just "ok"
Is that polite though? I get that it isn't explicitly rude but I pretty much only use that phrase as short hand for "why are you talking about this you fucking weirdo?" I think it's subtly rude at best.
- Most politeness is about rephrasing rudeness in a subtle way. What OP's fictional coworker did in this fictional story is explicitly rude as it assumes the worst from meeting a new person, the most appropriate response would be something that is subtly, but noticeably, rude.
- If a team lead, sight unseen, just tells you their sexual preference without any context or follow-up then yeah that's fucking weird and they're a weirdo.
- You need to say it slowly. "Okaaaay"
  
  Maximum devastation