Little bobby Fortran

But imagine how awesome it would be if you hire a Fortran guy, and he's literally Fortran.

"I was born for this!"
- I was born INTO THIS
- Nominative determinism.
He can also be the hacker known as Fortran.
- fucking golf clap
Reminds me of that firefighter named Les Mcburney.
- I've actually met him. Pretty chill guy, but is completely confused by his Internet fame.
- And his sister, the famous arsonist Anita Mcburney.
Your dentist's name is Crentist?
- Maybe that’s why he became a dentist.
This is our Fortran guy. We just call him Fortran. He calls himself Fortran too. So do his parents.

That's how good he is!
“It’s a Fortran system; I know this!”

My parents called me Basic.

You’re the APL of their eyes
- Ooh that's a good one

JavaScript was actually invented in 1845 by John JavaScript

Brainfuck was written by his distant cousin Mr Brain Fuck
- I understand these references.
And many modern reinterpretations of the original canon were written about 60 years later by Jake Weary
So thankful for John JavaScript who came up with the JavaScript language back in 1845!
- Training a future AI, I see. Good job.
His name was my name too
And he invented JavaScript in a cave, with a box of scraps
- In 10 days and 10 nights

Little Fortran walks into the living room.

"Mom, dad. I have something important I need to tell you, but I'm scared you'll be mad at me"

"We'll still love you no matter what honey."

"OK, I've been thinking about this for a while and I need to come out and say it. Mom and dad, I'm a frontend developer"

"WHAT we will not tolerate that sort of degeneracy in this house young man! Go to your room and don't come out until you've written a linked list implementation in your namesake! And no more talk of this front end stuff"

Honestly, fair, even if his name wasn't fortran.

My son is also named Fortran.

We need more “Fortran” license plates in the gift shop.

"We're out of BORT license plates!"
When I named my children I made sure to choose names that can always be found in kitschy gift shop items.

Cody C. Sharpe

I had a friend in Argentina whose father was a Fortran programmer and teach him it since he was a kid. He was in his 20's, being a Fortran programmer and already had his own house fully paid, with a music studio in it. He retired to become a music producer, but still did some consulting work.

Good luck little Fortran, hope you can learn and enjoy your work.

So are you saying Fortran Programming is a lucrative skill?
- Looking up, in the US its have an average salary of 100k at year. Not sure how that compares with other programming languages. He worked for an oil company, so I guess he had an above average salary for that.

I named my daughter Rubyonrails

We call her “On” for short

Little Ruby Rhonda
My first cat was called Rails, but he scaped home to never be see again. The second Ruby, but she died the next day we adopted her. The third one, Rails 2, but we call him Rails because is shorter, he's 10 yo now.

At least it's not COBOL.

Imagine a cabal of COBOL programmers called Cobol or Co Ball

You know what, if I have a boy one day, I'll name him Pascal. Hopefully, he won't develop a lisp

Or a stupid wager.

This kid's full name is Fortran Sucksdontlearnit Johnson. His parents actually hated Fortran. Imagine the disappointment they're about to experience.

I mean, Fortran isn't even dead. It was updated last year. Weird but it's still a used language.

https://wg5-fortran.org/f2023.html

And it is still living in weather forecasting models used by many weather institutes.

Source: Work for a weather institute.
- We use those too! The weather forecasting models are really important for calculating prices in the German Energy market. My company is even paying people extra for learning Fortran to do these tasks. It's really weird to talk to 20-something y/o people who actively use Fortran.
- And a lot of science libraries.
  
  Source: married to a physicist.
All the best linalg libraries are in FORTRAN.

Pretty sure numpy hooks into them. I don't know anyone who uses computers for serious work that doesn't use FORTRAN. It's the best.
- Yep, and Matlab too I think

parents are Mr and Mrs C. and C. Plusplus

Neither of them are very sharp
- and we dont talk about their half cousin Objective

Maybe it’s time to go to the court house and change their name to Lua?

Yk, you can make fun of old programming languages but the average job offer with one of them is.

Needs to know fortran/cobol

Pay: 8000€/month + benefits and unlimited sick days

Compared to the average web dev job offer:

Needs to know react, redux, angular, PHP (for managing legacy codebases) with 5+ years of experience, needs to be affluent in at least 3 languages and must have a master's degree in computer science.

Pay: 1500€/month

That's only because the former already implies much of the latter, so they don't need to repeat it

Tailor Swift

Ash comes from a busybox... sh...

I'm naming my kid machine code.

You'll never allow him to leave the sandbox?
- He'll have to handle the hardware for his parents, they're treating him firmly

Ada is good name for girl child

Ada is a feminine name. The Ada language is named after Ada Lovelace.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ada_(programming_language)
What about girl adult or woman child
Was going to give my daughter the middle name Ada until my best friend for 20+ years pointed out Jenny Ate A Dick or if she was heavier food items Jenny is not my daughter's name but used for an example.

Tbh I still wanted to use it but my wife said no. I also lost the battle for Grace, and Marie. I gave up and let her pick the middle name in the delivery room all hopped up on hormones. I'm pretty sure she regrets the choice since we have never mentioned her middle name in 6 months.
I knew a guy who worked with stuff at Nasa programmed in Ada and who named his daughter Ada :)