Microblog Memes @lemmy.world MelodiousFunk @slrpnk.net 3mo ago

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Gun = Rootie Tootie Point and Shootie
- Pointy Shootie
can't believe they left out cruise missile: zoomy boomy
FYI: Defibrillators don't start the heart, they stop it.

The heart doesn't stop in many heart attacks. Instead it just beats erratically and in a way that doesn't pump blood well. Shocking the heart to stop it (what a defib does) causes the nerve cells to "reboot" and start beating regularly again.

Shocking a victim who's heart has stopped is useless and automatic defibrillators won't go off until they've detected the arrhythmia.
- Hearty restarty
- It's essentially the "have you tried turning it off and back on again" of cardiology.
  
  When I was a teenager my computer survived years of percussive maintenance. All I'm saying is, have doctors tried beating the shit out of their patients?
  
  Mind blown! 🤯
- I blame House MD for this common misconception
- Yes, thank you, I'm glad you mentioned it here, it doesn't happen often enough. I mean, it's even in the name, right? Defibrillator gets rid of fibrillation - the erratic beating!
- And hippos aren't buoyant.
- Fun at parties?
Speedo = Scrotie Totey
- Brazilian Waxing = Shiny Giny
Beans = Farty Starties

Because they give you gas (pooty booty).
- And if they went bad, you get booty shooty (diarrhea).
  
  Beans, beans, the musical fruit, the more you eat, the more you toot.
Too late
- maybe pocket baby
The lol per pixel ratio of this meme was significantly above the mean
I am literally reading this on my squatty potty (if you don't have one - BUY ONE)
Erectile Dysfunction = Teenie Weenie
It's a travesty that they aren't called "Fuzzy Buzzies"
Huh, I thought defibrillators were for arrhythmias, but it's also for cardiac arrest.
- Yup, and it fucking sucks (better than dying though) to have one used on you.
  
  ...now I want to try it. Which is probably unwise.
- It should be called Hearty Stoppy. That's what they do. Stop your heart so it can reboot in safe mode.
You can thank the US Army for that: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SCR-300
I am completely on board with this and suggest we amend all the dictionaries immediately.
Pooper scooper -> Poopy Scoopy
Just gonna leave this 20 year old Brian Regan bit here.
Perhaps my favorite meme ever
I call noodles, long ass rice.
Well it's that or the Action Comics method.

Alliteration for everyone!
Tractor trailers = big rigs.
I can only read this in Paul McCartney’s voice…
Surely Stamps should be called Lickie-Stickie-Posties.
Real object names.
Prison Snitch = Snitchie Bitchies get the Stitchies
glowy hoppy
Thankfully chatgpt expanded on the list. Some hits some misses

Sure! Here are 30 more playful names for common items:

Computer = Clicky Tricky

Car = Zoomy Roomy

Bed = Snoozy Woozy

Shower = Splashy Dasher

Toothbrush = Bristle Whistle

Door = Swingy Thingy

Clock = Tick Tock Block

Shampoo = Bubbly Scrubbly

Refrigerator = Chilly Filly

Piano = Tinky Plinky

Light Bulb = Glow Flow

Blender = Whirly Swirly

Airplane = Fly High Sky

Shoes = Tappy Clappy

Glasses = See Flea

Towel = Wipey Swipey

Mirror = Peepy Creepy

Umbrella = Drizzly Fizzly

Paintbrush = Drippy Zippy

Backpack = Packy Wacky

Elevator = Up N' Duper

Magazine = Flip Drip

Scissors = Snippy Clippy

Chair = Sit Kit

Lamp = Glimmer Dimmer

Pen = Inky Pinky

Television = Watchy Squatchy

Coffee Maker = Brew Stew

Pillow = Fluffy Puffy

Toothpaste = Squeezy Pleasy

I hope you enjoy these whimsical renamings!
- Ai barf

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