Reject indirect, cue-based communication. Embrace direct, non-repentant "I want to have fuck with you".
*If you're a woman. That's a good way to end up on a list if you're a man.
I want to have fuck with you.
For real though, a friend of mine recently (August) walked into a gas station and asked the girl working there if she was married. She said yes. He said, “You the type keep a man on the side?”
The next day he was in handcuffs. He’s a strange dude and he says things to women that I don’t think he should, so naturally, I doubted him.
He was charged with stalking, trespassing after being forbidden, and assault.
His lawyer managed to get the video from the store and the body cam video from the officer who responded. He brought the USB drive by a few days ago after the charges were dismissed so I could see the video. He doesn’t want his friends to think he’s a piece of shit.
I watched it. He said exactly what I said above and told her to have a good day, turned back around to say, “Good on you for being faithful. You ever get sick of him, remember me.” Was it nasty to say that? Absolutely. A crime? Absolutely not.
The body cam video was the most interesting part. The woman said, “He came in here and told me outright that he wanted to fuck me. I told him I was married and I figured that would be the end of it, just like with other creepy men. I asked him to please not come here while I’m working.” The cop interrupts, “Well that’s trespassing right there. I’ll git eem fer that too.” She continued, “Well, he had a massive erection and he stood here playing with it through his shorts. He wanted me to see it. He came over beside the counter and kind of stepped behind where I was at.” Cop interrupts again, “Ok so he actually came behind the counter?” “Not fully, but he did step back there about a step or two.” She replied. Cop says, “well ‘ats assault right there. I can charge em with that too. So did he take his penis out where you could see it? I’d like to charge him with indecent exposure too but unless you seen his penis, like, the flesh, I cain’t do that. I’m gonna git eem with stalkin’ too though.” She replied, “Well no, I didn’t see his actual penis, but he stood there rubbing it through his shorts and motioning his head for me to look at it. It was a big old boner. I was scared to death. He kept saying, “you know I can give it to you good, won’t you walk in the women’s bathroom with me.” and stuff like that. I called my husband and he came out here. When the guy came back a third time he walked in and walked right back out when he seen my husband.”
On the video he walked in, said, “Well, damn. I left my wallet at home. I’ll be right back.” Her husband said, “no, you won’t be right back. You ain’t welcome in here anymore.” He paused for a second and looked at him dumbfounded and said, “Well, alright. This ain’t the only gas station in town. Bye then.”
I watched the video from the gas station. None of it happened. Everything she said was pure fantasy. I spent from August until a few days ago thinking he was a total fucking creep. I can’t believe he was charged at all and I can’t believe the girl didn’t back out when the manager offered to get the video for the police. Oh, and the assault charge. He stepped behind the counter to reach over and grab a paper towel to clean coffee he spilled. He has been stopping there for 20 years and didn’t think it would be a problem.
She also said he didn’t pay for his coffee on the video so I’m surprised officer Doofy didn’t charge him with shoplifting too.
Us men gotta be careful. For real.
Women too, because assholes like the one she described to the officer do exist and women contend with them daily. Lying, dangerous women also exist too.
I’d be afraid to hit on a total stranger. I wouldn’t want to anyway because that’s not the type of person I am. If I were though, I’d be too afraid to do it. Every woman I’ve ever been with said something to me first. I never wanted to come off as a creep and I like women who assert themselves anyway.
Fortunately there was video and the charges were dropped.
I did something like that once, but it was at a gangbang. Men can do it in certain contexts where some level of sexual activity is expected.
not if you're a woman either
The words have already left your mouth
You know, there was a girl I was chatting with once. She suggests we get lunch, then calls it off last minute.
A few days later she complains about some guy she likes who stood her up for lunch that lives near me.
Then she just ghosted me.
I've always wondered if she meant me and the whole thing was her miscommunicating and then trying to be coy and indirect.
Is... is this a Raphaël reference?
HARDCORE TO THE MEGA
I remember the time that a friend of mine was lying on a bed, looking me in the eye and saying "fuck me" and I somehow missed the hint.
Damn, this reminds me of what happened to me. A girl I had the biggest crush on was lying in bed and saying take your shirt off and come over here. Back then I was super self-conscious about my body so I said: "Haha, why? No, I don't want to".
Years later I realized what she meant.
A cute waitress once complimented my t-shirt.
I know exactly what you mean, I still regret not making a move
Do you wanna come up for a coffee?
Nah thanks, not in the mood for coffee
I legit did this after a date once, though in my defence she asked me in for green tea and I don't like green tea lol.
She started to wonder if I was just very friendly and gay after that.
Fortunately I clarified the issue by marrying her.
Man... in college I was in the bedroom of a girl I had a crush on and didn't take the hint. She'd invited me over to do homework together but never touched a book and took me to her bedroom. I still didn't get the hint.
Hey some of us are meant to make lots and lots of babies with varied and sundry people. And spread lots and lots of STDs in the process.
And some of us (myself included) are not. Which is fine because babies are expensive, and gross. Now I'm sterile, I can have all the sex I want, and I only need to watch for the disease part
Same/similar.
Met up at hers to study. Didn’t study much, but we chatted a lot.
She told me about how she was born with a birth defect (hips or tibias, I don’t recall now) and how fairly early her on as a baby she had surgery to correct it.
The surgeon made a point out of really doing a nice suture to make the scars as minimal as possible, for future “young lady” her.
She wasn’t shy about showing me, pulling down one side of her pants to show the pretty much invisible scar. “See??”
And I did nothing. Call it good manners, call it being shackled by the fear of self-doubt.
Geez. I just now remembered her full name. And it’s been more than 40 years now.
Like that anecdote that Zizek always tells when the girl basically replies "good, I don't have any coffee at home"
We could be actively fucking and I'd still doubt if that's what she meant. I'd need something like a testimony under oath and corroborating opinions from three independent psychologists.
Hello, I am writing to you under the freedom of information act to ask if you are into me.
Nope, probably just Canadian and being polite. Better keep looking for signs.
Just like others with a missed , obvious, opportunity.
I had a girl take me to a room, take her clothes off, and then just look at me and and ask "Well?"
I had no fucking clue what she meant or what to do so I just did nothing. She then changed into different clothes and left.
It hurts just reading this
Maybe she wanted you to dress her?
It took me 5 years to realize she did not actually need her PC fixed. I missed my only chance.
Maybe she just want you to check out her new invisible tattoo, can't be sure.
It might've been a black-light tattoo and she simply forgot to turn on her UV lamp.
Bruh 😐
Fuck, how is this so common? I thought I was the only being this dumb.
Yes, it happened.
You did the right thing friend. It would have been very embarrassing for you if you had misinterpreted her meaning.
This seems like the naked man move on How i met your mother.
I went with "I've got boobs."
I remember an acquaintance was complaining about their computer turning off when they closed the lid, so I told her to hand it over and I'd see if I could fix it.
She said she'd buy me dinner to thank me, but my fix didn't really fix the problem, I just made the computer not sleep when you closed it, and so I didn't feel like it was worth a reward
She even asked a second time, it took me years to realize I unknowing (firmly) shot her down
real, being neurodivergent makes this 10x as relatable
It's so hard to see past a belief that nobody could possibly by interested in you that way.
Bruh i didn't even get it reading it the first time
There was this one guy I was good friends with during my late teens, always taking pictures of us... Took me embarrassingly long to realise he had the gay hots for me. In my defense, I leaned way more hetero at the time.
I am interested in this. Are you bi now? Were you ACTUALLY into girls at the time, or did you just THINK you were?
If it helps folks feel better, successful relationships often require successful communication. If one is playing games and the other isn't getting it, that may be a good thing that the moment was missed; you weren't on the same wavelength and should probably pair with a better match.
TIL I have a crush on everyone.
this doesn't make sense tho, why would she say "talking to my crush is awful" to her crush? it doesn't seem reasonable
I mean, tbf, you can't tell.
Could be Canadian
I think the second girl meant the first one acted weird and awkward around everybody, not just her crush, so it's not reasonable to conclude the second girl was the crush anyway.
But second girl only ever sees how first girl acts when she is around (regardless of who else is there). That's how perception works. She can't see how first girl acts when she's not there, because she wouldn't be there to see it.
That’s how I read it and dark hair was just like “wow I can’t believe I said that to someone” sometimes it takes us a while to realize we put our foot in our mouth but the interpretation that is more common in this thread probably makes more sense.
I also read it this way, definitely relatable unfortunately 😞
Is she still fed up with her friends insecurity after a year?
I think it's just an intrusive thought because she basically (accidentally) told her friend that she is weird and annoying during a moment of vulnerability. Stuff sticks with you. It's like the time I felt the need to explain to our German foreign exchange student that they only need to use a little bit of salt because I didn't realize that they have salt in Germany. I was 9 at the time, but still. I think about that.....
This comic is even funnier when you imagine their eyes really looking like that.
didn't even get it properly
