A rock in your shoe, when you remove it it appears in your other shoe 5 seconds after you start walking again
All your passwords expire once a day
Every time you type your password it says it's incorrect no matter how many variations you try, but when you go to change it and type in the new password it says your new password must not match your old password.
Pure Evil
No matter how much you wipe, there's still poop.
Butt crayon.
That's some true evil.
I’d fucking jump off a building
It's like wiping a marker
Bidets save the day once again!
Perpetually soggy socks. Not wet but a little damp
Everyone always says damp socks are hell but my feet sweat so much that I don't know the difference anymore
Smelli
Monster
Calm down, Satan
I have atopic dermatitis. I know what’s like having an itch that moves around when you scratch.
dermatitis
Yeah we know they're your titties. We can see them already.
Well..don't keep us in suspense! Do you love it?
Let’s just say the sometimes it requires an Herculean effort to not look like a cartoon monkey in front of people.
Have you tried ditching milk products? I heard it can have an effect on those symptoms. As well as on asthma and allergies. I was plagued by allergies but don't have them anymore. Anecdotal evidence I know but you find a lot of papers regarding this topic.
Having the same stuff, I can confirm some days, it can borderline drive me crazy.
May your butt itch, and your arms be too short.
Hmmm, doesn’t work as they can just scratch it against something bear style.
But everytime you try to use something else to itch it, you get a splinter instead
Traffic signal always turns red when you approach it.
That one I think about if I got three wishes. First one would be always have green lights. More specifically I wish for unlimited luck that includes nothing impending my right of way. Just smooth traffic at all times.
If you can wish for anything why not wish for the ability to teleport? Or for there to actually be good public transit...
A candy bar that taste so amazing that it haunts your dreams, but you can never find it in a store ever again.
Continually inspired with amazing ideas. But the moment you try to write them down or describe to anyone else, they just fade away.
Like waking up after an amazing dream and trying to remember it long enough to tell anyone else.
God: I'll give them teeth ..... without any instructions on how to maintain them.
And put a whole bunch of fleshy bits right next to them, and even though they'll always be in the same relative positions you'll bite the fleshy bits just frequently enough to wonder why the teeth and fleshy bits are in such close proximity and how after X years of existence this is still happening.
We evolved in a world with little sugar, few starchy plants. 15,000 years ago everyone (except those where sugar cane grew) had excellent teeth
In the fossil record bad teeth come at the same time as bread, though it took sugar (especially in fizzy drinks) to make everyone fat and diabetic
I eat carnivore and haven't brushed my teeth in five years and have not had any tooth aches
The other white substance that you should watch for that our ancient ancestors never had to deal with is ....
SALT
Like too much sugar ... consuming a substance that was rare to our ancient ancestors is bad for your health ... you might have excellent teeth, but you might keel over with a heart attack or a stroke.
A screeching metallic sound or bad smell that only goes away when they are actively looking for it
May your fingers turn to fish hooks and you get crotch-itch.
Sometimes I get an itch that feels like it's under the skin and I can't scratch it 😭
It's the alien tracking implant. Sentient and itchy.
Just press your skin hard and scratch your inner skin against the muscle below.
Yeah, that's how you can get an oddly dull but thought-stopping intense pain that's reminiscent of a bad cramp. The sort that feels like something's taking a bite, but from the inside, or like being punched in slow motion but there's no fist to push away and oh boy that smarts for the love of god make it stop.
The intensity fades as quickly as it sets in but you won't want to touch that part of your body for a while afterwards in case you set it off again. In time a bruise may develop, but not always.
Dang! Bill Westlake no less! Me and Bill Westlake fist-fought each other in junior high school and again shortly after we'd both graduated from highschool in our shitty northern California ag-town.
We hated each other back then, but I feel nothing but brotherly feels for him now, 30 years later.
I hope you are thriving Bill Westlake. I hope you have done well in life and I feel no animosity toward you whatsoever.
Your clothes will always have that slightly itchy feeling that makes you wanna move and twitch a little if you remove your clothes, it only gets stronger
