Shitty Pro Tips:
Turn on Google Maps Location History and act like a "normie". (You should probably do this for a few months to establish a good and lenthy history)
Then when you want to do
murdersurprise deprivation of someone's life, leave your phone at home and use a pre-recorded voice of you that would activate and use the Google/Siri assistant at the same time as when you do the deed.Voila, ez alibi!
Even better, my location history proves I regularly go on 5 hour drives in the middle of the night so it's not at all out of character that I drove to the middle of the woods where the body was found at 3am
wait that's not a good thing is it
what do you mean they found more bodies
To be fair, if you're going to do something really illegal, you shouldn't bring your phone with you anyway, or at least put it on airplane mode. Even without Google Maps, the cell towers will triangulate your approximate location and time, and it's basically the first thing police pull if there's a crime in an area.
You'll also probably need to make sure you conceal your face as you walk by a million ring doorbell cameras, because those will rat you out and disprove your alibi.
Phones send airtag-like signals when turned completely off nowadays.
I mean, I'd probably mess up so that why I don't do crime. Doesn't matter if its an "honorable" crime like robin hood stuff, I'd most likely just fuck up and lool like a fool, and the government will use my attempt as an excuse to increase surveillance and divert more tax dollars to cops.
I'm just not that type of person, so don't count on me for any revolutionary acts.
Welp, I think the detectives know who to DM when we see a rise of murders in "a few months"
What's far more likely to happen if you do that is that you get caught up in a dragnet and accused of a crime you haven't committed because they know you were nearby and need a fall guy.
Yeah turns out, "sitting in my room alone playing video games," isn't much of an alibi. I should get some hobbies that involve people. Like...multi-player games.
This is why there are so many Twitch streamers. They get nothing out of it except for a perfect alibi.
Funny story, (Funny might not be the right word) there actually was a killer who murdered his girlfriend because she was pregnant and didn't want an abortion.
In order to cover for this, he found out exactly how long it'd take to get to her house and back, recorded him playing GTA for that long.
He was found out because cameras on the street found him walking near her house, during the "live" event.
There were also bugs in the stream where the message "Time to die" showed up (in the context of an "ad" for a James Bond film), which were just his little way of bragging about his crime, like he was the Riddler or something.
He did too good a job with his timing, because the "glitch" happened pretty much exactly at the time of death.
I've seen enough of these "Perfect Murder Fails" go wrong, and it's usually people who think they're more clever than they really are pretty much giving all the evidence to the police.
I know of another where a film maker rented an old house, made it look like a stereotypical serial killer's lair, filmed part of a low budget horror movie on it, and then killed a guy there.
Lemme lay down some flash non-fiction written in first person to tell you how that went
"See, it looks like a murder happened here, but the brilliant part is: It's a set for a movie that I can prove I've been making! Meaning I can just not clean up after my own killing and hide in plain sight! Aaaaaand they're testing the fake blood I used because it doesn't look or smell anything like costume blood.... And I left my manifesto cleverly disguised as my script in the car that they can now search because the blood tested positive for being real blood, meaning probable cause. I'll just say it's my own blood and I wanted it to be realistic! That can salvage this! Oh right tests like that also kinda tell you who's blood it is, meaning they know it's the victms.... and my "script" describes the victim's wounds so perfectly it can't be coincidence... Wow, I'm fucked."
completelynormalthingtodo but sometimes i think about the perfect alibi for a crime and how you could pre-record a livestream with an excuse like "today i'm playing a VR game so sorry chat if i don't interact with you much this stream!" if you're feeling brave at the end say a vague "thank you all for watching, and thank you so much for all the donations, if you want it read though next time donate when i can see the chat haha" and would you look at that, thousands of witnesses saw you livestreaming at home, twitch.tv itself will confirm the exact time you went "live"
then all you'd have to do is get rid of the original file, best if you physically destroyed the disk it was on to prevent any chance of data recovery
probably has some flaws but i did think of it in the shower so don't use it to do crime
and you could prerecord the stream...
It's ok, your phone tracks your location.
So leave it at home when you go on that crime spree.
even better, lend it to a friend to carry around town
How will I be able to get anywhere without map on my phone?
Boomer commentary about millennials and their atrocious map reading skills, while autofellatioing about their own generations map reading skills which they needed for travelling uphill towards their school which was situated on a tundra mountain.
That's one of the main points in the podcast Serial. It opens with a question like, "do you remember where you were on Tuesday at 4:45 five weeks ago?"
The person accused of the crime was a highschool student on the 90s before smart phones. When they said they were at track practice after school, it then became "can you prove where you were?"
Somewhat fortunately modern technology solved most of this. It's just a matter of asking the right company to provide proof.
I thought you would say it's solved by technology and then link to the famous dont talk to the police video: https://youtu.be/d-7o9xYp7eE
tbh i don't even know how many days ago christmas was.
I was at home, posting on Lemmy.
Strange. I'm at home posting on Lemmy but I don't see you anywhere. GUILTY!
What a strage thing for you to say, since I was at home posting on Lemmy, yet you were nowhere to be seen!!!
This is why it's common in the black community to get a receipt whenever you buy anything. You can't prove where you are at all times, but you can prove that you were at a particular time and place. Might save you from being railroaded for a crime you didn't commit.
"When the heck would I ever need to prove I paid for a doughnut?"
"When you're being tried for murder and the only alibi you got is buying a doughnut."
Damn, never thought of that. There's a REASON I might need to prove I bought a doughnut!
I have never heard that before, but that makes a depressing amount of sense.
And not so you are not accused of stealing? That's my reason of getting receipts.
I like all the suggestions in here about how to avoid getting caught for murder through your phone
My tip for not getting caught would be: probably don't murder someone in the first place unless they really really deserve it
I guess we're all Luigis now.
Perfect cover, Scott....
If people that did murder were convicted for actually committing murder, the US wouldn't have a police force. If everyone, or even a majority of people, convicted for murder actually committed murder there wouldn't be multiple NGOs working around the clock in the US to free people from death row.
That doesn’t protect your ass when you get accused of a crime you didn’t commit.
That's why my dad told me to always get a receipt. It's not a business thing, it's an alibi thing!
Is he still getting cigarettes?
Mines got a twenty year trail of receipts. The stores keep mailing them to us & it’s the only way we know where he is
Yeah
I’ve been watching a lot of those documentaries and they are just making me hate the police even more. Most come down to complete ineptitude and ignorance by the police who are ignoring red flags and being lazy idiots
I think if you have a Fitbit or something similar on they can prove where you are?
The people who binge those murder shows and podcasts are the same personality of those who love gore images and videos.
That seems so judgemental, but also sounds logical. Being a judgemental bastard, my only question is, what is a cumskin? It conjures up various imagery and definitions . Do you have to have a foreskin in order to have a cumskin? Do you only want them to lose hearing or is it worse?
It's just a made up word. It doesn't mean anything
