The Onion @midwest.social DxK @lemmy.world 4mo ago

Collapsing Nation Still Somehow Expects Singer to Perform Anthem Sober

thehardtimes.net Collapsing Nation Expects Singer to Perform Anthem Sober

Americans everywhere took a brief pause from threatening to kill each other online to share that they believe Ingrid Andress should have been sober during her performance of the National Anthem Monday night.

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However, European leaders completely agree with the behavior.

“It’s standard protocol to breathalyze everyone who enters Wembley Stadium to make sure they’re drunk enough, including players,” says Mayor of London Sadiq Khan. “This incident makes sense to me. Prior to our election, the recorded rates of intoxication throughout the stadium were much higher. America’s terrifying future is in the hands of its citizens, and to cope, in one of those hands should also be a cold one.”
- I really hope this is full grade satire...
This finally got me curious to have a look.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjSiCqLUr7A

Gods. That was indeed bad.
- That was impressively bad lmao I'm surprised she wasn't immediately booked to perform for the RNC
  
  Apparently she immediately checked herself into rehab
- Lol, do they actually have fireworks in every match?
  
  That's incredibly cringe. Well the whole thing about singing the national anthem is cringe but the fireworks really makes it 10x worse.
  
  Screw the environment. More CO2 please.
  
  This was an All-star game, not a normal match.
- It started off okay and then wow did it take an abrupt turn.
  
  Whole thing sounded like she learned singing from tiktok that morning
- Stealing from the comment section on that video
  
  "First Trumps ear, now ours!"
- Holy fuck that was the worst singing I have ever heard in my entire life
  
  This has to be on purpose
- I think I've found my new ringtone
- Talk about Wishful Drinking
worst thing to happen to this country since President Clinton,” said Republican Governor, Greg Abbott, as he turned on a generator to power an air conditioner and dressed himself in a bullet-proof vest

Yup, sure sounds like him.
I don't even believe she was drunk, she just sucks. Her studio albums weigh heavily on autotune from my brief listen

Also why even hire a country "musician" whose vocal range is one octave and their songs are the same three chords, like what are you even expecting here
- Country singers are the only ones left with who are willing to sing the national anthem.
  
  So that’s why they’re called country singers… ^/s
  
  People used to have lower standards
  
  I'll do it. Sounds fun.
someone has to say i say it, so here goes: it's your anthem that sucks. i don't know who this woman is but i don't care. seriously it is so ass. and incredibly racist. ditch it for a better one. pick something people can sing. it's not normal that you sing this anthem since childhood and at every event but still out of all professional singers who attempt to sing it only Whitney Houston and like two more people could do it.
- It does suck. The tune is adapted from a song praising wine. Being drunk when singing it seems appropriate.
  
  I'm missing the racism aspect, though, how so?
  
  It has four verses, even though typically only the first verse is performed. The full version has these lyrics:
  
  And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
  ⁠That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion,
  A home and a country should leave us no more?
  ⁠Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps' pollution.
  No refuge could save the hireling and slave,
  From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave,
  And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave,
  O'er the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave.
- I mean America Fuck Yeah! is right there and ready to go!
  
  Wait, that's not the American anthem?!?
- Whiteley Houston's version was actually prerecorded, but she did sing it live when recorded in 1 take
  
  Lady Gaga also did a very good version
  
  Agree that with this girl in the OP, that the song (which is challenging) was just out of her range, plus she's a "cursive" singer like that girl in The Chainsmokers or Ellie Goulding, which is not a very good technique for singing IF you want range, flexibility, versatility, or even longevity in your voice. In general she's a decent, consistent singer (I've seen many videos of her performing live since this) as long as she's within her range. I think she just lacks the skill for that song specifically.
- my dude, not considering patriotism (such as it is), lyrical meaning and what-not, the US Anthem is a decent piece of music, and I would rank it top tier as far as national anthems go. You've not heard a crappy national anthem until you've heard Taiwan's national anthem, and I am about as patriotic as Taiwanese gets. (again just talking about the music itself and not lyrical content, Taiwan's national anthem is very problematic)
  
  we disagree on both, lol. just as a piece of music, maybe it's the performance in the video but that sounded pretty badass. this could easily be the climax soundtrack in an epic movie.
- That's kind of the point, it's an achievement to be able to sing it well.
  
  it's a national anthem dude not a tiktok challenge
Seriously who the f is this girl
- A person who makes decent music aside from that day. I mean, nobody can hit home run after home run but like.. Damn. She said she was drunk at that time, idk.
  
  Here's a decent song of hers: https://youtu.be/j_A8Zjwr9m0
  
  Did you intentionally pick the worst metaphor possible, given the context? Because that was the worst metaphor possible, given the context.
I found her anthem appropriate and think it should be sung this way going forward. It matched the vibe of this unchecked fascist takeover that is happening right before our eyes.
Incredible headline
Wait! Isn't sobriety unamerican...going off what I have observed.
- It certainly is at a sports event
  
  And lets be clear, its ANY sports event. My 2nd grade catholic school soccer games were just an excuse for the parents, coaches included, to get plastered. The church probably pulled in more money at the concession stand than at the donation plate.
Honestly the majority of the stadium probably didn't notice. It sounded like it could've been right.
Can I be California sober?
- Cascadia has entered the chat

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