It's a 2-hour long dialogue between Bond (played by Wallace Shawn) and a villainous billionaire media mogul Fryston Gallibre (played by Peter Capaldi) who is trying to collapse western democracy through ever more bland homogenized remakes of beloved franchises.
In the end, Fryston realizes that Bond has never seen any of these movies or shows and isn't really a fanboy of anything so he is immune to this assault on culture. Bond actually leaves confused and when trying to explain the whole thing back at the office he stops mid-sentence and asks the widowed Mrs. Money Penny (Judi Dench) If she'd like to go see a movie together, "apparently they're quite popular!"
You know this is an Onion article because the real frontrunner for the role of James Bond is going to be, like every other role, esteemed Academy Award nominated character actress Margot Robbie.
Seriously though, there's a potentially great reboot opportunity there..
It would have to be very intelligently written to avoid the "reboot with women protagonist" clichés/pitfalls, the fact that 007 is a woman would have to strike just the right tone.. misogyny would probably need to be faced with a good dose of "ok boomer" smirking, it would absolutely have to pass the Bechdel test..
But yea, that would be the first James Bond I'd go see in 2 decades, esteemed Academy Award nominated character actress Margot Robbie.
After seeing his performance in My Dinner with Andre (1981), casting director Janet Hirshenson was so fond of his delivery of the word "inconceivable" that she cast him as Vizzini in The Princess Bride (1987).
dude got the job because of that line. no wonder its iconic
Austin Powers was such a successful parody it's the REASON they rebooted the Bondiverse with Daniel Craig as a more grounded Bond, and IMO <insert Professor Hulk absolute win gif here>.
I would so watch a good parody bond film but Hollywood would never make this.
You mean like Get Smart, or Johnny English, or Top Secret, or the David Niven Casino Royale, or Spy, or Spy Hard, or The Man Who Knew Too Little, or True Lies, or Leonard Part 6, or I Spy, or Spies Like Us, or Spy Dad, or The Spy Next Door, or The Spy Who Dumped Me, or The Brothers Grimsby, or S*P*Y*S, or Code Name: The Cleaner, or Austin Powers?
Hollywood fucking loves making parody James Bond films, and some of them are occasionally good.
I dunno what happens to actors when they play James Bond, but they tend to physically fall apart afterwards. Daniel Craig somehow looks like he's 80 now
Someone already mentioned Craig so I'm going over the rest.
Brosnan was 48? during his last Bond movie and I think he looked good in The November Man, which was 10 years after his last Bond movie. He's 70 now so obviously he looks like shit now.
Dalton looked great in Hot Fuzz and that was almost 20 years after his Bond movies. Dalton is nearing 80 so he also obviously looks like shit now.
Moore, if I did my math right, was almost 60 when he Bond career ended. I have no idea what he did after Bond but when you stop being Bond at his age it shouldn't come as a surprise if you physically fall off.
And then we have Connery who had a long career after Bond.
I'd say it's been mostly Craig who has "fallen apart" but I also think he bulked up for Bond and it took a toll because he pushed beyond his natural physique (he was much leaner before Bond).