Average French launguage learner

Poor dude got accused of sexual harassment when he was trying to convey his love for human flesh.

Love is love!
- I have a love for good looking men

Í wanteaux eaute yeaux

I think this might be fake french.

Not enough accents on those letters.
- Yamedekudastop and seeyounara
This just reminded me of a time I, an American, was in France and some French dude tried to talk shit outside of a bar. He said, in a very French accent, "I ate l'Anglais". Please allow me to break down what is wrong with this sentence.

First and foremost, I'm pretty sure he had not actually eaten anyone and instead was trying to communicate his strong dislike for me.

He also started off the sentence in English, which was a brave effort, I must admit. Especially seeing how he never learned to pronounce the letter H in his English class (see point #1), this took real courage to attempt to talk shit in a language with which he clearly struggled. However, as you can see in the second half of his sentence, he reverted back to his native tongue, so I can't give him too much credit.

Finally, "l'Anglais" is French for "the English". As I mentioned earlier, I am American, which is not the same as being English. We had a rather nasty war a few hundred years ago that settled the matter, but apparently they have not heard about that in all areas of France.

All in all, he had 3 major errors in a sentence that contained 4 words. 2 of the words be "I" and "l'".
- I think he meant to say that he hates the language
- Quite funny that he expressed to have eaten a lot of people and now he seems to be the one inside you, since he's living rent free in your head and all

«Je veux te manger», je croirais.

Which also sounds like "I want to eat you" in a sexual context...
- That's just because everything french is more sexy.
- This begs the question of how the French talk about vore
Its je crois
- In English, the phrase I was going for was "I would think". It's correct in English, and means mostly the same thing as "I think", with slightly different connotations. I'm not exactly sure how to verbalise what those connotations are, just that in this case it felt better. I think in this context it made it slightly more comical/sardonic?
  
  Obviously, "je croirais" is the correct literal translation of "I would think". But does it not work to carry a similar connotation in French? And if not, is there some other phrase/conjugation of croire I could use to get across that tone?
  
  Unfortunately my French knowledge is almost entirely academic, so knowing how to use it with more nuance than literal word-for-word changes is a bit beyond me, outside of where that is obviously academically inappropriate.

Cher ami, je veux te manger de façon cannibale. C'est à dire que je souhaite te dévorer, cru ou cuit, de manière litterale. S'il te plait n'y voit aucune utilisation du second degré ni une quelconque forme d'allusion sexuelle, j'ai trop de respect pour toi, bien que cela ne signifie pas pour autant que je sois insensible à tes charmes mais c'est un autre sujet.

Of course if the person is a women you would have to adapt a few words. Also if the person is not your friend change it to Madame or Monsieurs.

Vas-y bouffe moi on s’en fout des termes, dévore moi!
Et tu dois vouvoyer si le sujet n’est pas ton ami.

if youre friendly to said target: Je veux te manger

the polite way when referring to some stanger and you want to want eat them. Je voudrais vous manger

What about something along the lines of:

J'ai envie manger toi.

?

Don't clown my lack of grammar pls
- J'ai envie de te manger
- Close! It would be more like:
  
  J'ai envie de te manger.
  
  Putting toi at the end doesn't make the person the recipient of the action.

"I want you inside me ...for a determinated ammount of time"

"I'd like to wrap my mouth around all the parts of your body."

J'accuse, mon petit fromage

I see "fromage" and my mind instantly went to that one Dexter's Lab episode
- An entire generation ruined by one small segment of one small show. I do too lol
- It's weird how often I think about that episode.

French isn't real lol

I actually have an answer in song and animation for that!

https://youtu.be/rb-wk0ATuvI?si=l6p86Y1wDjTkHg2M

(It's "Je veux te manger le corps", I believe?)

Here is an alternative Piped link(s):

https://piped.video/rb-wk0ATuvI?si=l6p86Y1wDjTkHg2M

Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.

I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.
That reminds me... There was an exhibit called Body Worlds, not sure if it is still around. But my family was in Montreal and we decided to go, but it's Montreal so everything French and we got a kick out of its name "Le Monde du Corps" which I mean is much more straight to the point... but we all thought it was hilarious.
What the fuck did I just watch?
- Yes, that will work its way into your dreams. I first heard that song in a documentary about nurses who help their severely disabled patients have sex. Just to add some more flavor to that video for you.