Fuck.

That "No" buttons looks sexier every night.

I'm barely getting by. Too burnt and overwhelmed out to do things that make living feel more worth it, or to get on top of the backlog that's dragging me down. I've just been in survival mode for too long, and I feel like I've forgotten how to live — how to be me. I desperately need some aims that can give me a sense of forward momentum and act as a thread that connects different days, but my capacity is so low that even the basics of daily living are too ambitious for me to reliably do right now.

I've got a long history of struggling with suicidal ideation and I do worry that some day, I'll just break and won't be able to stop myself from making an attempt. In the past, when I have struggled and made attempts on my life, it was because I chose to stop being alive. This feels different because even when I'm at my lowest, I do desperately want to live, but I feel like it isn't my choice. Either I will or won't be enough, and to some extent, all I can do is wait and see. That limbo is what's getting to me though; it's why goals are good for me — they keep me focussed on where I want to be heading and this grounds me.

In terms of how people could help, I don't think they're is anything, besides continuing to be the lovely people y'all are. The world is grim, but I'm actually in a pretty healthy place re: social media usage — the people here remind me of the power of human connection. Anyone reading this doesn't need to direct me to mental health resources, because I have actually started receiving support on that front. It's just that unpicking a heckton of trauma and rebuilding a life from scratch is a lot of pressure; it's hard to feel like life itself isn't just saying "git gud, scrub", when the ordeal of getting on top of everything is so arduous.

I'd say it's a middle-ground situation.

I'm 31, yet still can't afford my own apartment, not without being on a waiting list. Meaning I'll probably get my own proper apartment by the time I'm 40.

However, it's not so bad, because I'm sharing a place with my younger brother.

Unfortunately, though, my younger brother is an avid Musk supporter.

My job, Just Eat, just got bought by a major tech company. 4th biggest in the world, I think. So om worried about what that's going to mean.

However, Just Eat in Denmark has a strong trade union club, and I'm an active member in it. Might even become Co-representative one day.

It is unfortunate, however, that all this is taking away from what I love doing. I practice 3D modelling, animation. I'm slowly learning about game programming. I do 2D art. I have this science fiction universe with characters and aliens and adventures i want to make something with. But between my job, the furry commissions I have to make, and some freelance work I do for a Bionicle project, there is very little time left to work on my own ideas.

I'm okay as long as I don't doom scroll too much.

I'm Canadian and middle aged. I was braced for a rough Trump 2.0, but the last month has truly exceeded expectations for suck. Our country is under economic attack by our biggest trading partner. Human rights and trying to help and support each other are suddenly considered bad things. Our window to address climate change is snapping shut as our leaders around the world move in the wrong direction. I'm feeling really good about my decision to not have kids at least.

On the plus side, my sick cat is responding to treatment, and my partner and I have just set up a nursery - we're going to start fostering wee kiddos whose families are going through rough spots. I've got some financial flexibility so I'm treating myself to a stack of coffee gift cards each week that I hand out to folks who look like they could use it. Sorta makes my day to be able to make sure someone unhoused gets a warm drink and some food.

Honestly, I'm worried about my job and how difficult it will be to get another if I get laid off (I work in Tech) due to business shenanigans and things out of my control. My mental health is at an all time low because of the anxiety; last month it was due to Trump and Elon's attack on the integrity of US Govt Services, and before that the looming climate crisis. It's affecting my sleep and recently I get slight headaches throughout the day. I'm so tired of feeling anxious all the time.

I'm burnt out mentally; if I get laid off this year I'm just going to activate my NZ Working Holiday Visa (applied in advance in expectation of layoffs) and just chill.

Every day hearing stuff about Trump is eating away at me. I remember four years ago. Depression settled in. I’m afraid for the next four years of this. It’s only been like 5 weeks.

got hit by a basketball a week ago on my left thumb and it still hurts, but whatever, luckily if it gets worse I can just go to the town hospital and get it fixed for free

I do worry for all that's happening in the USA and for what that means for us Europeans, but there's not much I can do apart from voting

Parents are still on the far right ideology, I made the accident of mentioning politics and they said Zelenskyy is a dictator put in power by Biden, and that Putin is right by attacking them because they tried to join NATO...

Whatever. I just hope I get old enough to not get drafted when Putin decides to invade us.

I'm slowly prepping for whatever is to come, but money is tight, and nothing's helping.

I'm sleeping decently thanks to meds, but I still have many issues at home and at work because of ADHD, and I often end up lying on my bed with many things to do, no energy to do them, and at the same time too much energy to rest, which only fuels my frustration.

I have a couple hobbies I do when I'm not terribly down, but they don't involve leaving my home and my social circle reflects that, I have a couple of distant friends left and even just the thought of a partner is light years away

but hey, my dog's happy

man, I wish I was my dog

Sleep is like it's always been. Tired in the morning and awake in the evening. The lack of daylight in the winter is getting worse and worse the older I get.

Other than that quite good and slowly getting better.

Expect a lot of fearful people who are expecting their medicaid to get cut and lose access to healthcare.

As someone with cancer, that's what I'm going through.

Not much can be done. The suffering is the point. The majority will not stand up for people like me.

I am quite unwell for the most part. I spend most of my time alone. I'm either at home playing games in a filthy room (because I never have the energy to clean it) or I'm at the low-paying job I hate surrounded by people I'm either indifferent to or despise. As for a personal life, that's about it. The only person I'm close to is my sister and we don't even want to talk to eachother at least fifty percent of the time. I'm in my mid-twenties, can't drive, and I live with my parents who I believe would have kicked me out if they didn't feel sorry for me. Mental illness runs in my family so I don't bother talking to them about it because they're all dealing with their own shit. I feel no excitment for anything. I spend most of my time bored and alone which I hate to admit. I know it's not, but it feels almost shameful. I'm not going to jump off anything in case anyone is worried, I just wanted to take this opportunity to vent.

Living on public housing only with food stamps and little money from my aging mother, can't afford anything, barley can eat, disabled and can't work although been applying everywhere but disabilities means I'm disabled. But government says I don't exist, wants to take the little things I have away like food and shelter, government says I can work because I can checks notes "fold laundry" and "work a telephone switchboard".

Been like this for the last 10 years battling every day to just exist

Oh and don't forget the government internment camps that I probably will be forcefully joining next couple years because I'm different

I'm doing good, though I spent the whole last 48 hours working on a tiny, tiny writing project so I could get it exact, and it might not even lead to anything. The things I do when I need to sleep.

I feel like deflated Squidward every day.

I just bought my first home and I move in tomorrow. So really good. I come from a buttfuck nowhere conservative town and I own property on vancouver island now. Hell yeah!

I don't make fast enough progress with what I'm currently doing in my job (VM images with distrobuilder and cloud-init to call ansible-pull, if you're into that kind of masochist thing), I get too little sleep because my body insists in waking me up 1h early every day, my 4yo sleeps in bed with my wife instead of me and I miss her terribly, and though we do make good money, it's still kind of tight.

OTOH, we're having a spontaneous long weekend getaway with my brother's family and for friends in a mountain cottage coming up that we're all really looking forward to, so there's that. There will be multiple dogs, we're gonna light a fire and make bread on sticks and marshmallows, and we'll have a wonderful view over Saxon Switzerland.

But at least equally important: how are you?

I'm thankful to be alive, did my oil change in my car today, my new ramps that were supposed to be good for 10k lbs snapped as I was driving off them with my 3k lbs Malibu. Least I was behind the wheel and not under the car.

Amazon didn't even bother having me return them, they were like "oh shit OK yea going to skip offering a replacement and sending the old ones back, here's your money back".

Other than that though, feeling accomplished, I haven't been doom-scrolling as much lately and I've started straying away from more political posting's because I found that there isn't much I could do regarding everything and it was starting to dampen the mood.

Looking at the brighter things in life I have found helps tremendously in keeping positivity alive.

Pretty good! Doing things that feel meaningful and interesting. Able to follow global politics and read in ways that couldn't 3 years ago due to work stress. Life situation is excellent. I feel very lucky, and trying to use that to make myself useful.

I've been sleeping like shit. The air mattress I sleep on has a slow leak and deflates halfway through the night. It's also been cold af for the last 3 months and the baseboard heater isn't enough to heat the room.

On the bright side I finally found a job, so the threat of homelessness is subsiding. I'm looking forward to getting a real bed, now that I know I'll have a place to keep it.

Relative to the last several months, I'm doing amazing. Thanks for asking.

An actual list of the "problems everyone hopes they never have" category of our various problems is pretty long right now, and many of them are more personal than I want to share.

Shit's not the worst it's ever been for us currently, but financially it's closer than my wife realizes it is (because she's got enough to deal with right now), and (gestures around at everything Trump related) I'm figuring several of our problems are going to get worse before they get better.

I've got long and medium term plans to sort most of it out, but like all such plans they depend on the short term stuff going at least more or less as I hope, and on the complete collapse of US society not actually happening.

Glib sounding yet serious response in meme-form because this really is how it's looking so far in my mid-late 50s:

OP sounds like a nice person for posting such a thread, and I hope you are doing well sir or madam. 🙂

It's a mix. The heating is out on my apartment, so it's currently 55 degrees in here, and i have no clue when the furnace will be fixed. My kitties don't seem to mind, but it's definitely feeling frigid. On the plus side, i sign a lease for a new apartment walking distance from my job on Friday, so won't be a problem for long. I had to get an advance on my pay, but it will be worth it to be able to walk to work everyday. Financially i am fucked, but that's been no different for the past year, so I'll just have to accept that

I am doing better as I realize a lot of things are out of my hands.

I voted, show up to protests when I can, boycott the companies at Trump's inauguration.

So I joined a gym to go to classes to force myself out of the house and trying to read more to deprogram the effects of social media on my attention span.

But overall im exhausted and have this underlying worry of what dreams I've been having lately. I don't believe that much in messages received in dreams but I've had some trippy moments lately.

Besides worrying that my country might be invaded by the US in the not so distant future, I'm doing good! 😃 I've got everything I need and my health is good. I've got some slight art block going on at the moment, so I'm mostly playing videogames in my free time which usually tends to inspire me haha.

Working for the weekend, man.

Stressed about finances, I splurged on a few things that were not essential, but were wanted for varying reasons, some sentimental, some out of sheer practicality in that treating myself is a good thing every once in a while. Now my budgets blown for at least a month or so until I can rebuild the savings I dipped into.

Any fellow insomniacs or any neurologists have some obscure wisdom? I truly don’t sleep. Since 2015, likely earlier, my sleep latency is forever, I keep waking up if I do fall asleep, and I wake up too early. When I do sleep, according to an inpatient sleep study, I barely get to stage 3 sleep for a few minutes and hang out in stage 1 & 2. There is no REM sleep happening. I have limb movement multiple times a minute. I was prescribed a CPAP a few years ago and it hasn’t helped, even with strict adherence to use. The AHI is only between 0 and 0.4 any night of the week. You name a medication, on and off label use, and I’ve tried it. My sleep hygiene is impeccable. I keep thinking one good night’s sleep will fix me, but at this point, I’ve lost hope.

My sleep has been off the last few nights. Waking up every couple hours. And I take sleeping meds to boot. I have a big audit Friday (I’m the lead auditor and it’s my first major one) so I’m hoping the next few nights are better so I’m on top of my game.

I had my first manic episode a couple weeks ago that put me in the hospital. Honestly it was terrifying, but I'm very thankful for my friends, family, med team, and some Internet strangers that made me reevaluate my lemmy instance. I've been recovering and truthfully feeling a lot better. I'm working on getting decent sleep again, but otherwise feeling good

My work life although crazy I still love, my church and my friends there are the light of my life. I love my dogs, my elderly pug is having some problems but it is what it is, my other dog is perfection and pure badness. My beloved aunt didn't need any oncology treatment after a bowel resection for cancer and is back to her normal self and turns 87 soon and is totally independent and still leads backstage tours at the local theater. Those are the good things.

Bad:

1. I'm grateful I have my second job for the income and the flexibility and work from home, but I'm also so, so tired of having to work two jobs. It's been 20 years. While my asshole SO watches hockey for three hours a night.
2. I don't have any money, and I don't know how I'll ever retire.
3. My SO is a malignant narcissist and sociopath, and the only reason we're still living together is because of money, because he's fucked my finances so totally. He spends all his time trying to think of ways to torment me, to the pettiest degree. Last weekend he called me a deceptive little cunt and insisted I'm withholding money from my day job paycheck. I absolutely am not and it's just the way my benefits and union dues come off, one pay is about 150 less than the other. He only communicates with me when he has to, and he's psychotic about everything and almost hit me for changing the temperature setting in our car. I have no money to leave and it's so bad, I don't know how I can continue. I have nowhere to go.

Doing great, working hard at work and saving as much as I can. Helping my girlfriend come to the US for a year or two so we can pad the savings further and GTFO. Big plans for starting a business later on so we can get a bigger slice of the pie, and exercising/gaming for downtime.

Even if I don't like it here, I've worked out a good future plan filled with contingencies. Very lucky to have my opportunities, not gonna squander them 🙏

can Internet strangers do anything to help?

Thank you for asking, sincerely, but if Internet strangers tear into me for just having my comments have licensing footer text, there's no way I'm going to start stating any of my real issues that I'm dealing with, for them to judge.

_{This comment is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0}

Okay I guess.

I've got a tweaked muscle in my back from helping my mom move some heavy furniture around last weekend still. Other than that I have no major complaints about life at the moment.

I do have the minor complaint that people like you think anyone who holds even one single stance that is slightly right of center is a full blown conservative (even when they have never voted red in their lives), but you walked away from that thread to make this post just like most people on this site do when they don't know what to say to me anymore.

So far Lemmy users seem to think there are "normal" people who are exactly like them (which is extremely far left) and then anyone who is even slightly right of that is considered a nazi conservative racist Republican shitbag that deserves to die.

But other than those things life is peachy. How about you?

Also waffles>French toast> pancakes