Greentext @sh.itjust.works 🍹Early to RISA 🧉 @sh.itjust.works 1w ago

Anon is SpongeBob

94 comments

https://theonion.com/why-do-all-these-homosexuals-keep-sucking-my-cock-1819583529/
How many dicks do I have to suck to prove I'm not gay!?
- In my case, at least one
- Like one girl cock I think
  
  Phew I'm straight then.
- One more, Tim.
  
  One more.
  
  Two more.
- If you someone tells you that broccoli is gross, but have never tried broccoli, can you trust their opinion?
- In a row?
Fake: anon has a friend

Gay: literally gay
- Fake because Brad didn't get gay with Tim and anon
  
  fake because tim is marrying a girl
Real and bi
- One of the few anon stories that seems plausible
Is it weird that the most unrelatable thing here for me is that SongeBob existed when anon was in high school?

Edit: a word
- I'm over 30, SpongeBob existed when I was in middle school.
  
  Yeah, I'm over 40. SpongeBob didn't exist when I was in high school.
- This is where I remind you that 4chan has existed for over 21 years. Meaning that a kid born the day it started operation is now old enough to legally drink in the United States.
- 1999 grandpa. Anyone born after 1981 will have had the option of SpongeBob. That having been said it wasn't until the mid to late 2010s that I remember seeing grown ass adults obsessed with, and spouting lines from, a children's cartoon from 1999. So mostly 90s kids.
In before someone posts the green text story of a friendship of two straight dudes just being straight dudes having a good time blowing each other
- That doesn't narrow it down as much as you'd think
- CHOO CHOO
Being queer in HS was so fucking fun.
- If you don't mind me asking, when were you in high school?
  
  I was in high school in the late 2010s, in a red county in a red state, and there were a few openly queer ppl in my grade who were never bullied throughout high school.
  
  I think it was because allies outnumbered the homophobes/transphobes and bullies only punch down, not up.
  
  I was in high school in the late 00s early 10s and I remember guys in the locker room talking about how they'd murder a trans woman if one "tricked them". Around that point the only reason I didn't realize I was a trans woman was that I really didn't want to realize it.
- I was in my countries equivalent in the late '00s and early '10s, and it ... really wasn't. So I'd say that's rather time and place dependent.
  
  That's fair I graduated in 06 on a military base in England. Partly why it was so fun cause the faculty had no clue what to do with me.
- Unless you go to a Christian high school, then it sucks
  
  I can only imagine. Got any stories for us?
Ahh, they must've whispered "no homo" before getting in the showers together!
Tim is getting married at ~22?
- Is that strange where you are from?
  
  Indeed. Here most people are still either getting their education or just starting with work.
  
  In Lesotho that’s practically middle-aged.
  
  Yeah, I'd say so. At 22 the human brain isn't even fully developed. Tim and his wife are children acting out some theatrics inculcated by their (almost always) religious community. Then again, I live in an American state that embraces education and critical thinking, so my assumption is ol Tim is from Utah, or some other regressive theocratic place where they'd rather nip autonomy in the bud and tether young people to a prescribed way of life that hasn't otherwise existed outside of these antideluvian pockets for the last 70 years.
  
  But I'm probably reading too much into it.
- whats wrong with that?
  
  So much.
- Americans marry early. And often.
Traumatize them back. Best revenge type.
This is not gay. A cock was touched, even stroked, but there is no mention of the soap. Did it fell? Did someone pick it up?
"hear me out man"
- "I have an idea for a great prank."
If touching dick is gay almost every man is a homosexual
- What about touching other peoples' dicks?
  
  You're you trying to bend the rules!
  
  My wife is definitely gay then
  
  Dick is dick I'd say

94 comments