This is fiction.
It takes a lot more than 3 days to finalize terms of the divorce. It usually takes longer than that just to get both of your lawyers to look over and approve it.
Even if these two people are both lawyers, and decided to represent themselves, you’d need a notary present when you’re signing.
...you're boldly assuming they did it the right way.
Given that she's the type to take it all back right after it's signed, she probably just googled "real divorce papers" and found the best pdf and just printed it out.
Here in Finland I believe there's a mandatory 6-month separation period before you can divorce.
But also I've had 8 beers a gross amount of rum and glög, an ambien or two and all the weed. So.. I may not be giving correct info rn. I believed I am, but you shouldn't trust me.
Depends on the state in the US. I believe some of them require up to a year of separation.
what if it was fiction from the beginning, but the wife did it as a meme.
Would explain the end of the post, at least.
Fully agree it's a fiction, but couldn't she have had the papers prepared weeks ahead?
Even if this guy was stupid enough not to run the agreement by his own lawyer, even if there’s no contested assets, etc, he still ain’t signing that thing without a notary.
Its like part of the plot of EEAAO. Where the husband gives the wife divorce papers in an attempt to get their marriage back on track...
I've never been married nor divorced, but I've heard friends talk about needing to "just bring him the paper to sign" I don't know if they're just stupid, or if there's an option to just nullify the marriage. Granted these people were very poor and to my knowledge had shared literally nothing financially.
They’re either meeting at a notary, or using a traveling notary service that’ll come to you.
What a sad situation. I know a lot of people here think this is abuse and I can see their perspective, but I see this more as a relationship lacking communication. The wife didn't feel assured that her husband loved her anymore and the divorce papers were a last ditch effort to see if he still does. Sure, just talking openly would be better, but goddamn is it hard to find people who can do that.
I think the fact that she broke down and tore up the papers immediately after is a sign that she really didn't want to do it and was reacting to his genuine reply.
I think OOP needs couple's therapy.
are you and the 93 people who upvoted you crazy??
lmfao in what fucking world is serving divorce papers and then tearing them up right after they’re signed not even just a little bit toxic, if not emotionally abusive?
maybe a fucking adam sandler movie but this is real life.
think before you do stupid shit? other people don’t owe you discretion bc you’re an idiot? “uwu but what about the wife’s feeeeelings????” brother man grow tf up this isn’t a high school fling it’s a marriage. if you wanted to pull shit like this, why did you change it from girlfriend/boyfriend to husband/wife? was that about feelings too?
oop shouldve ran when they had the chance and the papers were signed.
sorry as someone who grew up as a child caught between this stupid shit people like you piss me off so much. this is traumatic for all involved.
we did it guys, we found the REAL anon
Fuck man, I don't disagree with you. Don't construe my words as me saying there's nothing wrong here, but I also am not in the "omg just get divorced" camp, either. I've been in great and terrible relationships and I've seen behavior like above in both. There's a massive difference between "I'm serving you these papers to cause suffering or as a shit test" and what OOP's wife did. YES, her behavior was toxic. Toxicity doesn't happen in a vacuum.
I've been around plenty of guys like the greentexter, too. Aloof, unaware, "women say the darnedest things" types. If he doesn't see the situation and say, "Damn I got some problems with this relationship that need fixing" then he's insane. But this guy says, "I love you and I've always tried... Man this is weird, better post to 4chan!"
Perhaps she's been trying to talk to him about it but he's been acting like a dumbass and this was her last ditch effort to shake some sense into him. AGAIN, her behavior is unhealthy. But if his response to it is to show love, and hers is to break down and back away from the edge, then perhaps there is more foundation here than we're seeing in the context of this message.
I love my partner dearly and I regret to say I've acted in ways like this before during difficult times. Love is fucking hard sometimes. It's about how you pick the pieces up and move forward.
Your empathy is commendable but this is fake, homedog
I like this empathetic take.
Yeah this is a couple who haven't really talked through their issues and may have some kind of executive dysfunction. A little time being very honest and crying through their own insecurities together would turn their lives around for the better. (executive dysfunction is a big word but common problem with anyone who has depression and/or anxiety. It just means you don't have a solid distinction in your mind between what you want for yourself and your life, and how your feelings just run away with you and make small things huge obstacles.)
Nah once you're at the point where you need couple's therapy the relationship is over
Y'all need to talk more
Completely broken relationship for sure
I wouldn't want to stay married to anyone who would play these kinds of mind games.
To be fair, it doesn't have to be mind games, she could have been in a bad place and somehow figured out for herself that the best thing to do was to end the relationship, but realised that she was wrong. There are people who genuinely believe that they can make other peoples lives better by leaving them (a kind of "you would do better without me, I'm only pulling you down" mentality), that could do something like this not to manipulate the other person, but because they actually care about them, but are in a bad place themselves.
Maybe she just dumb as hell?
Definitely seems poorly thought out from her part
> lack personal communication skills with wife
> casually post deeply personal and emotional stories on 4chan behind veils of text and anonymity
> oh shit am I neurodivergent and undiagnosed because I've never talked with a therapist
If you know what a greentext is you've got at least a touch of 'tism. It's a spectrum.
Emotional abuse detected.
I mentioned it in another comment, but I'll repeat it here: This doesn't necessarily have to be emotional abuse. It can well be a result of the wife being in a bad place, having little self-worth, and convincing herself that anon would be better off without her. Perhaps anon's response caused her to re-think and reconsider, hence the subsequent breakdown.
It is emotional abuse. Just like it's still assault if a veteran with night terrors gets a adrenaline rush while waking up at night and beating the wife sleeping next to him in his confusion. It is not intended, but the damage is done. And it's done by the veteran; or the wife in the OP.
The emotional abuse may be coming from a deep emotional wound, but it's on her to fix it. She gets to keep her shards, or attempt to fix herself. By choosing to not work on herself she effectively chooses to burden the people around her. And they have no obligation to keep her around.
I would leave Lemmy if it weren't for sane, rational people like you who have empathy and don't just jump to the most damning conclusions without any insight into the situation.
This doesn't necessarily have to be emotional abuse. It can well be a result of the wife being in a bad place, having little self-worth, and convincing herself that anon would be better off without her.
Abuse is behavior, not intention. The majority of abuse is not intended to be torture, but is still abuse.
Talking of course would have been better, but I have a sneaky suspicion that this was not the first time she brought it up. I think the first one, he didn't "care," and she thought making it seem more serious would prompt some action. I think she was hoping it would be a catalyst for talking/change and not just, "Well, it's been swell." Like, ma'am, he doesn't care. You told this man you fell out of love with him and he didn't seem to care. Then you present him with divorce papers and he signs them willingly, as well as saying that the bond is broken. You ran out crying because he's said very clearly that he doesn't care, doesn't want to "fight" for you, and did not react at all from the first time you brought it up until you gave him the papers. No "Oh my god, are you serious?" or "Can we talk?," hell, he didn't even bring up his own grievances. So now you take a nap on the couch, debating on uprooting your life for someone who at least seems vaguely interested in you, or staying with someone who is seemingly indifferent to you and your grivenances as he's like "lol, women are so weird" on the internet.
Again, not saying her actions were the most rational, but humans aren't always rational. Sometimes our emotions get the best of us and we just want to know that our presence matters, and that sometimes leads us to make mistakes. Sad for them both.
It's fake tho. I mean it's 4chin the wife is an hallucination
Even made up women can't escape the patriarchy! /s
"The bond is broken, I said!" You can't unspeak the words.
He should have declared it instead of just speaking.
So... if anon took those papers and just taped them back together, would they still be legally binding if submitted?
Would this depend on the jurisdiction/country? I've never thought seriously about whether tearing up signed legal documents constitutes a refutation after they're signed. (a pile of torn-up papers doesn't carry any proof of which, either or both, parties agreed to the tearing-up). And thankfully never been in a situation where this question would arise. Also assuming 'tearing up' wasn't enough to prevent taping them back into a mostly-complete state.
I believe filling out the divorce paperwork doesn't actually make it happen, it's just an application for divorce.
It has to be filed with the court and a hearing held to make sure it's all good and then the judge does the thing and you're divorced.
Mostly this is a rubber-stamping type situation, and the judge mostly makes sure that asset division is done fairly and any children are cared for.
If no one has objections, the money is simple and everyone agrees, and there's no children the whole thing is relatively simple.So filling out or destroying the paperwork doesn't actually do anything.
A signature doesn’t offer much proof of which party signed a paper either.
The security mechanisms we use in this society are a joke.
"I don't understand women."
Whenever someone has an issue with an SO, then extrapolates that to all women... that's a red flag to me that this guy has a lot more misogynistic views just outside the frame of view.
It is unfortunately common. Pretty much all of the guys I know IRL complain about their SOs with "Pft. Women, right?" And I'm sitting here like... No? Maybe that's just your SO? Or just your SO when they're with you?
What if they don't understand all women? Why do you extrapolate your personal experience to all people... That's a red flag to me.
Women and men do have a different way of thinking the majority of the time. It's about learning to cope with and deal with the other one's feeling. If you want a woman, you have to be willing to deal with woman moments. If you want a man, you have to be willing to deal with man moments. Simple. Relationships cannot be perfect.
As an AMAB who is vaguely uncomfortable enough with the gender binary to use he/they pronouns but still presents masc in every context — I have met many people of all and no genders who think so completely differently to me it'd be better to use zodiac signs than gender markers to divide personalities (and no I don't think astrology is real).
Men and women have tendencies and subculture, sure. But they're not mutually unintelligible if you make even a little effort to try and understand the other side as fundamentally human people. For example, by listening to them and taking their positions seriously (even if the specific situation does not call for believing every factual claim).
I think we mostly agree here, just with slightly different framing.
And this case like most relationship issues comes down to insecurities and bad/non-existent communication. To which, let's face it, male socialization is a major contributor.
With stoicism and a fear of vulnerability, we're far too often standing standing in our own way.
That is unfortunately the tendency for men, yeah.
Not sure why you got downvoted because I had the same reaction when I read it. This is your spouse and treating her request for divorce and obvious associated emotional distress as something related to her gender rather than the specifics of your relationship seems incredibly dismissive and misogynistic.
Who knows, lol. But I'm more than happy to engage with people who disagree, so long as it remains relatively civil.
I've had plenty of gender-coded miscommunication with my wife over the years. But that's far, far outweighed by more individual differences (like neurotypical v neurodivergent, mismatched communication habits, and mismatched expectations from how we were raised. Hell even just regional differences.
And when it comes to the other married guys I know, I've provided advice (upon request) that basically boiled down to (1) you don't "win" a marriage, (2) treat her like a partner not an adversary (even if she's treating you adversarially for now), and (3) be open and vulnerable when you can. It's amazing how many of them have just... never once heard that advice from anyone else their whole life. Wild out here.
It's not misogynistic to admit you have trouble communicating with women.
true, just be gay instead.
Do you think that's what's happening (both in my example but also the OP greentext)? That they're admitting they have trouble communicating?
I could see a literal interpretation of "I don't understand women" as a standalone sentence being reasonably interpreted that way, sure. But given the context, I think that's really unlikely.
The behavior of the wife in the OP would never be exhibited by a man, right? So calling it a "women" thing isn't inaccurate.
Your reply extrapolates OP to mean all women. Which is exactly like when a woman makes a claim about men and men in the comments reply "not all men!" You're doing that.
☕ women
Moids really will just believe a made up story on the internet and then say shit like this. After all, the first thing you gotta remember about any greentext is that it's fake and that anon is gay.
