The Rapture = At literally any moment, your little child self could be snatched violently upward into space/some unknown cosmic destination to the sound of blaring celestial trumpets from the skies, etc. This is 100% real and seems increasingly likely, by the day.
Night-night, sweetie!
Of course he listens to Slayer. Why else would this photo of God and Tom Araya exist?
I approve of Lemmy being God. My mom has a couple great stories playing cards and smoking joints with them while they had the groupies come in and out lol.
For a second or three there, I read that as:
When I was a kid,
a priest told me about MarsReminds me on this old joke:
A man running from the police runs into the Catholic church and hides in confession box.Another person enters the other side and says "Forgive me Father for I have sinned".
The man not wanting to get caught says, "What have you done my daughter?"
She says, "I have had anal sex with my boyfriend, I know sex is for making children, please forgive me . What is my penance?"
The man not knowing what to say, quickly opens his side of the confession box and sees a choir boy walking by , "Hey Kid what does the Priest give for anal sex?"
He responds, "A can of pop and a bag of chips"
Probably ought to be glad Zeus doesn't exist either.
Good call. Everything is Zeus's type.
...I think I'd rather be Zeus's type than Yahweh's...
UwU
Christian God doesn't even come down to earth in the form of an animal to get you pregnant. You just wake up one morning with a bun in the oven. Dude should at least make it fun. Zeus and Posieden knew how to have a good time.
Zeus doesn't even discriminate based on gender. He saw Ganymede, a cute mortal twink herder, and brought him to mt Olympus to be his femboy cup-bearer. Tried for ages to get him pregnant, but with no such luck.
My favorite story now that Hades 2 the video game is in early access, is that Melenöe, Hades daughter, was conceived by Zeus disguised as Hades hitting up Persephone.
They do skip details like this in the Hades games, also skip incest and inbreeding. They dont skip same gender relationships though, so at least there is some details that are retained
Huh.....I spent so much of my life concentrated on the fact that Mary was a lying slut who absolutely had sex with someone. Thus making Jesus not only NOT God's child, but also by definition a bastard.....that I never thought about the story from the perspective of it being true. If you take the story at face value, and God impregnated Mary in her sleep? That makes God a rapist who didn't get consent.
Actually an angel appeared and told Mary she was chosen. She said "aight bet." So, technically consent.
Your boss shows up and says, “you’ve been chosen”. Say no and you’re fired…
Jesus was a bastard who was BFFs with a prozzie, did violence against the wealthy, and spurned authority. God might not listen to Slayer, but I reckon Jesus would have
Right? Jesus was a real one. Christianity should be metal AF.
In school I tried to bring up this theory that the three wise men all thought they were the father and came bearing gifts for that reason and mary was either lying or totally clueless/tricked. It wasn't well received but nobody was able to refute it with relevant bile quotes or anything.
Mary was not virgin until they changed the story later around A.D. 300, during the Romain Catholic Church.
Oh. Damn. I only heard the story AFTER 300AD. I was late to the game, I guess.
You have a source to read that up? At least in 452, they (some) were already pretty sure about her being virgin.
Dioscorus then moved to depose Flavian of Constantinople and Eusebius of Dorylaeum on the grounds that they taught the Word had been made flesh and not just assumed flesh from the Virgin and that Christ had two natures.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Council_of_Chalcedon
Edit: the bible was written ca. 300 after christ tho. Probably because of this.
Jesus is still a bastard too.
Yeah I never heard of God getting married.
No way, Religion is all a sham? MIND=BLOWN
There is a Christian bedtime story where I'm from. In the end it says something like "and you'll wake up in the morning if god wants you to". wtf what if god doesn't want me to wake up tomorrow.
the muslims also have an explanation for sleep: "god kills you at night and wakes you up in the morning"
applying simple logic to that would get you mistreated i.e how do you breathe when you're dead?
they have no answer to this
ded
Stroke
Then you don't
Considering Mary seems to be around 12-13 from the literature we have? You’ll age out of it, I guess? Cold comfort…
Wait WHAT?? Bruh what is going on with Christianity?
Muhammed had a 9yo wife (but it's "totally cool" because he didn't fuck her until she was 11, I'm assured...), it's not just Christianity.
Also iirc people had babies about once a year starting around 14 until they died at 30 of any number of causes, and that's if they made it past infancy since the infant mortality rate was so high, which was also why people had like 20 kids. Frankly it's relatively recently that the standards we know today were put in place, and I'm happy for the strides we've made but there's still room for improvement, but this type of shit happened by all religions for most of recorded history and probably before that until like, 19xx.
Coming back to add in an edit, here's an article I saw this morning.
It's definitely not just Christians, this is from today.
I never heard of this, but I feel no need to doubt it.
If God is good, they'll have a thing for goth girls.
And if God is bad, they'll have a thing for goth girls
I hope it isn't the deific version of the thing I have for goth girls. I won't stand a chance anymore.
How else could we reconcile being made in their* image?
If god is anything like the dominionists, his only thing for goth girls is "convincing them to become trad wives". (I knew a few of these guys unfortunately, the very few that managed to get laid turned out to be massive abusive assholes)
The priest looks like Father Ted
Luckily it isn't father Jack, cause she would be in trouble.
SLAYERRRR!!!!!!!
\m/
I honestly think that if a personal, knowable, and forgiving god exists as the god-botherers say they believe in, then he/she would get down with some Slayer and chuckle at the irony of listening to such music.
Why can't a god have a sense of humor?
I like this comic but there's one thing I can't get past - why can't this person draw noses???
Ever heard anything called art-styles???
Those noses are perfect, whats wrong with your nose
