While growing up, my migrant parents loved to comment on this and say how an Anglo Saxxon family would have kicked me out when I turned 18. Meanwhile they kicked me out of home at 14 for being gay.
Bro, you should have just gone to church, married a girl you met there, have a family, and do the whole gay thing on the side like all the Republican politicians do when they hit up the RNC convention. Grindr literally crashed from all the activity in Milwaukee when the convention started there :>
Anglo Saxxons do be like that, which is why I'm proud of my Iceni heritage.
^(/s)
Big shout out to your girl Boudicca… nuff respect.
Oof, that sucks. I hope things are better now.
Honestly, I'm kind of baffled by the opposite; when people are committed to their family for family's sake even when they're abusive. Putting the concept of family on a pedestal to the point of self-destruction never made much sense to me, there needs to be a limit for any relationship, family or not.
The reality has just been more starkly revealed in the US that many people care more about their religion and political allegiance than who their family truly are as people.
They're both wrong.
Parents owe undying love and loyalty to their kids. Kids don't owe their parents shit. If the parents did a good job, their kids will want to support them on their own. If you need to pressure kids into loving their parents, then abuse or neglect has already occurred.
Indeed. Plenty of bad factors on both sides.
My parents didn't wait till I was 18, a week after my 13th birthday they dropped me off at foster care, no warning. I thought we were going to the store.
Damn son that's colder than a polar bear drinking Coors light. I see why you're angry.
Oh, no, I'm medically angry. IED, ridiculously low serotonin. Since like age 8.
Being thrown into foster care only put into overdrive.
TBH it was probably IED and autism that caused them to put me there. I mean when I look back I don't see any incidents that would warrant being kicked out of the family and in foster care there were a ton of kids that had actually attacked their parents or stolen large amounts of money.
But I can also see how it would have been tough, but it'd been nice if they had let me know what they were planning to give me the decent chance to run away first.
My senior year of highschool, I was 18... And working full time, had an apartment with roommates, and still went to high school.
I had known for years my time was limited living with my parents. When I lived with my dad, one morning he woke me up just to tell me I had maybe months before I had to get out because him and his wife (my step-mom) were going to be trying to have a kid and it was going in my room. Basically it was an eviction notice.
I can definitely say it wasn't easy. Struggled a lot. At one point I'd accepted that I probably wasn't going to live to 21. Yadda yadda, it's been over 20 years and my family is bewildered why I don't visit, or treat them like best friends.
IMO there's a balance of support and sending them out of the nest. My parents did not find that balance and threw me out completely unprepared. It made me homeless for a couple of years
It did teach self-reliance and that I don't need my family in my life to get by. My wife's family is cool as hell though and love them to death
There’s also a balance in asking for rent off your child and making it so they basically have no money for themselves.
My mam likes us all being in the house and we all pay rent to her, but it’s also a payment that is far, far lower than it would be for us all to go out and live on our own.
Oh yeah my parents would take all of my money. At 16 they handed me a brand new car that I A) didnt ask for B) was expected to make the payments , but couldn't afford the payments on a part-time McDonald's employees wages. I also had to pay the insurance, and rent, and buy my own groceries. I ended up getting pushed by my parents to work full time at Mcdonald's, part time at a pizza hut, part time at a grocery store, and keep up with my high-school classes. They then started blaming me for their money troubles because they were taking 100% of my money and to them, that wasn't enough. I couldn't even afford school lunches and went many days without eating anything. Only time I would get to eat is if I stole something from one of my jobs.
At 18 they convinced me to move 700 miles away from home promising they would help with college. That was a lie, so I started working full time for a construction company and full time for a movie theater. I got laid off from the construction, which was my biggest cash flow, so instead of stepping up for their kid, they sent me out the door, took my car, stole the last $300 to my name and told me best of luck.
I don't have much to do with them, and they also try to guilt trip me into moving closer to them or talking to them more. I just tell them "I am how you made me", and thar usually shuts them up
It's fair to be expected to contribute to the family/house if you're an adult and have the means. I stayed with my parents through a lot of covid and helped woth the cooking and groceries. The key thing was it wasn't an ultimatum, it wasn't a hardship on me, and if I hadn't been able to, they wouldn't have minded.
That's a surprisingly controversial take in this thread, unfortunately.
I don't know what I expected from a platform like Lemmy though.
My oldest just graduated high school a year early. She wants to move with me to Portland to get her degree in psychology there. However, because her mother is still her legal guardian for another year until June 2025, she is refusing to allow her to do so and is, instead, forcing her to go to college in Texas four and a half hours away from home. She is transgender and being forced to take classes at a college she doesn't want to attend in a small Texas town, all because her mother is so god-damned insecure that she can't bear the thought of her child wanting to live with her other parent instead of her. My kid doesn't have the courage to stand up to her mom right now, and it breaks my fucking heart. But at least when she turns 18, she will be free to make her own choices, and she's told me she's definitely moving to Portland with me next summer.
Suffice it to say that my ex-wife is a fucking monster, and I sincerely doubt her kids will want much of anything to do with her as adults.
My youngest (also trans, they/them) is on track to graduate two years early and with an associate's degree. They also want to move to Portland to live with me, and thankfully they have no problem standing up to their mom.
reading this was refreshing, it's nice seeing that not everyone hates trans people.
Some of my friends were charged rent. My mother never did. If I lost everything, as long as she was alive and still lived there she'd let me stay. She did this for my brother. Later she told me that the one things she asked him was to have a meal with her once a day. He told her that wasn't happening. She still let him stay. I don't respect the man much though.
I paid 'rent' ie: participated in the family funding of stuff. It felt normal to me. Was only required to participate when I had an income and it was less than what I 'd have to pay living on my own.
It made the entire family's life better.
TBF, that may be a hard promise to keep every single day even if you want to. Assuming the child works.
I was told to either start paying rent or get my own place at 18.
Now that I think about it, that was the last time I wasn't living paycheck to paycheck.
I cannot fathom how my children will make it through life in the USA without financial support from us. My immigrant parents, my wife’s immigrant parents, they worked hard to educate us, and we were able to capitalize on that and do well in life. With a good dose of luck, of course. My kids were born into a country in which opportunity is less prevalent than the world I experienced in my 20s and 30s. Maybe they’ll do as well as us, hopefully better. Or, maybe not. I have no clue, they’re just kids. But I will invest everything I have in them. I honestly see little other point to having money.
I honestly see little other point to having money.
What!? You don't want a Scrooge McDuck vault of gold coins to swim through? Are you even American?!
This reminds me of what AOC says about our existing systems being massively scaled up isolation.
I think one of the best things that ever happened to me was my step dad gradually pushing me out of the house when I was around 20. It taught me how to take care of myself. Of course, it's taken me 20 years and I still haven't quite figured it out. It would have been better if they had prepared me, taught me some of the essential skills. That's the real problem, it's not that parents in America make their kids leave the nest, it's that they don't prepare them properly for it first. I feel like I could have done a lot more with my adult life if I hadn't had to spend most of it slowly learning how things worked, through trial and error.
I mean George Costanza moved back in with his parents so there’s always that chance and he’s somehow supposed to be Italian.
If you're working and living at home, yes you should contribute to household expenses. What a strange take.
^ This is the exact unconscious commodification capitalism infects normal brains with. Everything has to be a zero sum transaction, no mutualism is possible and every relationship boils down to a network of debts.
The wort part about it is that those most affected by this mental illness are the ones that actively fight to normalize it.
Depending on the situation, it seems like mutualism to me. I stayed with my parents through a lot of covid and was happy to help contribute with the groceries and cooking because they're family and I wanted to pitch in. I guess it's really a matter of expectations, they didn't expect me to pay for groceries, just to pitch in with the cooking. I think it's also a matter of circumstances, if we were living on a tight budget in an apartment, I think it would be fine of them to expect me to contribute a bit to expenses if I had a job, but it wouldn't be fine to me if they like set a dollar ammount or percentage or something like that. I don't know, I'm just poking my brain to see how it reacts but it seems to me the expectation of family working together to provide for themselves as a family is fine as an expectation, but that starts to break down when you add transactional details. IDK, I'm rambling, and probably missing your point, but you can have my random thoughts anyways
Yes and no. You should not force your children to do so. Even young adults are not yet fully mentally developed and may still be more teenaged than adult, which is reflective in their behavior. Forcing them out may not bee a good thing. Forcing them out without them being able to provide for themselves is downright awful. Now I know the USA has awful laws in many places, but there should be some to protect people that can't or cannot afford to defend themselves. Young adults are such people.
Were I live parents are forced to pay for the education of their children even after they grow up. At least for the first education.
Parents probably saw their child turning into a tiktok influencer wastrel and is giving them a healthy dose of reality before they get too deep into it. Good on them.
I think a lot of these kids are either directly antagonistic or need problems so they grow up.
You children have lost your collective mind.
Waaaaaaahhhhhh my parents pushed me out of the house.
Authoritarianism, Jesus Christ 🤦♂️
uhh what
I don't understand why you would open a post that you know is going to upset you. You enjoy giving people you disagree with more authority over your emotions than you have control of?
Try something next time you encounter something you disagree with; when you see it, try asking yourself if it's actually worth the time and energy. Bet you'll be 100X happier
Someone please ban this bot
Yeah, honestly nowadays I see someone post an utterly braindead take on this site and 9/10 times it's this fuck
I can see both viewpoints.
