Microblog Memes @lemmy.world Drew @sopuli.xyz 3d ago

Clearly this guy was asking about Kissinger

originally seen on the fediverse here: https://elekk.xyz/@coriander/114114387547043884

alt text by me

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Speaking of jokes for our time:

Q: What is the main difference between succession under the tsarist regime and under socialism?

A: Under the tsarist regime, power was transferred from father to son, and under socialism – from grandfather to grandfather.

Also on point:

A man walks into a shop and asks, "You wouldn't happen to have any fish, would you?" The shop assistant replies, "You've got it wrong – ours is a dairy shop. We don't have any milk. You're looking for the fish shop across the road. There they don't have any fish!"

Although my personal favorite...

In Soviet Russia, everyone gets the joke!
- Yakov Smirnoff is younger than the president, he could probably tour again with the right retooling
- Can you explain the first one?
  
  During the tsardom, tsars passed power like kings do.
  
  Soviet union, the party chose its leader. There was a period in the Soviet times where each succeeding leader was pretty much as old as the outgoing one so they didn't last very long. It was called the gerontocracy.
That obituary will definitely be Putin the front page
- There's only one other that could trump it.
  
  I Xi what you did there
- Putin wasn't really big during the Soviet era
  
  Born in 1952, I think it's safe to say Putin was small during the Soviet era.
  
  Oh wow, are you a historian?
I’m not sure why but Kissinger hated everyone. He hated the Vietnamese, Cambodians, Laotians and was even quoted saying Arabs are savages (or perhaps barbarians). How does someone who escaped a Holocaust carry so much hate against other disadvantaged groups?
- The Holocaust broke a lot of people's faith in humanity. When that hope is lost it is less a feeling of hate and more one so dispassionate and disconnected that they simply do not care about humanity.
  
  And that can enable some hateful acts indeed.
- Racists gonna racist. The people that hate immigrants the most are other immigrants
I'm hoping they found them both dead. Together, in a hotel room with Putin's dick still in Trump's mouth.
- And Elon dead sitting in the cuck chair
This old Soviet joke was about Stalin
- I think you could argue there were plenty of Soviet leaders it could fit. Beria, for example.
  
  But if the KGB asked, you meant the capitalist pig American president.
  
  But if the KGB asked, you meant the capitalist pig American president.
  
  "Who did you think it was about?"
  
  It could be but famously it was understood to be Stalin.
- Surely not comrade
  
  tone indicator
  
  /j
Something that has always bothered me about this joke: Don’t news stands generally have the front page visible, to entice people? So like, you’d know well before you bought one.

Edit: I’m illiterate. I’ve heard this joke before as “guy buys a paper, looks at the front page, throws it away”. But this version actually makes sense.
- 'scans the front page, doesn't buy the paper'. right. that's the joke. that it's for someone important enough for their death to make the front page, which is visible without buying the paper.
- Yes, that's part of the joke. The obituary he was looking for was something that would be frontpage news, implying it's an important political person.
I'm here 'till thursday; try the veal and tip your server

...and please dont put your cigarettes out in the flower pots - the FSB currently has a shortage of microphones.
As much as I'd have loved for the Kissinger is Dead celebrations to have been big news (and a Holiday), it went by mostly unannounced.
- Because he lived so long that when he finally died, most Americans had no fucking clue who he was.
  
  He's the guy who dropped his glasses in the toilet.
  
  I mean, I partied. But, I am weird.
- www.ishenrykissingerdead.com
Yes an old joke for our times. About NEWSPAPERS.
- To be honest, every time I lunch Lemmy I'm hoping for a "Trump found dead" post to be on the top.
  
  Trump found dead, circumstances not suspicious says Kremlin.
  
  Something similar, I wake up and look out for fresh memes of his assassination. But until now I remain disappointed.
  
  Wish Granted
  
  TRUMP DEAD. Vance accuse the "Radical Left" of assasination. Martial Law has been declared.
  
  c/monkeypaw
  
  Senselessly.
- You’re right, I’ll fix it:
  
  [BRO] stops by the [iPAD STAND] every day, scans the [INTERNET], doesn't buy the [IPAD]. One day the vendor asks what he's up to.
  
  [BRO] says: "looking for an obituary."
  
  Vendor says "those are towards the back of the [RSS FEED], [RIZZLER]."
  
  [BRO] says: "not the one I'm looking for, [BITCH]."
  
  RSS feed
  
  Okay boomer
  
  Good try, but already outdated
Gorbachev.
I really don't get it
- The person looking for an obituary is hoping for the expiration of a public figure prominent enough that their death would be front page news. Likely a politician.
- There used to be sidewalk kiosks called “newsstands” where people could buy the “newspaper,” a daily publication with news about recent events. Bigger news was put on the front page, and at a newsstand you could see the front page for free.
  
  Because this is talking about the Soviet Union, the man is almost certainly looking for a headline announcing that Josef Stalin has died.

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