I stopped posting my kids on social media. I don't think it's fair to them to create an online presence without their informed consent.
It's that basic lack of respect that keeps my parents at an arm and a half's distance. There was nothing I did as a child that the rest of the world didn't hear about, even if I specifically asked them to keep something quiet. I stopped asking after a while, because I realized that guaranteed that they'd talk about it. Fucking weirdos.
Respect has always been at the core of my wife and I's parenting philosophy. Children are fully-qualified persons in their own right, they're not an extension of their parents. They have their own tastes, dreams and aspirations. They'll test to find the limits of what they can do, and it doesn't really matter where it's actually set but it's really important that they do find it. They can understand why we have to say no to them, and if you communicate the reason they'll respect it.
All of this continues well into their teenage years, BTW.
I keep telling my wife we have to write a book on parenting, but she thinks it'll be too controversial (especially our views around daycare and schooling)...
People really just weren't ready for social media or having miniature computer-cameras at their disposal constantly.
If your child is having a meltdown of throwing a tantrum then you as a parent have a job to be doing. Put the phone back in your pocket or your purse and attend to your kid. Figure out what the problem is, do what you need to do to calm them down and consider that maybe if this is a frequent occurrence that perhaps you as a parent fucked up somewhere and you're going to have to be responsible by working to correct whatever mistakes you made that brought this bad habit into existence.
Granted that some parents are just plain abusive, many parents on the one hand don't realise that they are abusing their power as authority figures on their kids.
HAPPY OVERWHELM
If you're too young to have a social media, you're too young to be ON social media.
New rule. All it needs now is a catchy short form or acronym
IYTYTHSM, YTYTBOSM
You're welcone
Was going through links on a wholesome subreddit the other day, looking to calm myself down, and happened upon a video of a young teenage girl in an audiologists office getting her cochlear implants turned on. She was emotional, and happy crying, as her mom filmed her. But it just seemed kind of wrong to share? Like, this is a private moment for you and your family, and you can see the moment the girl realizes she's being recorded, and how she then immediately goes to wipe tears/cover her face.
I've come to revel in the idea of not recording precious moments, just because I don't want to cheapen them with the inclusion of a smartphone, a screen to separate myself from life happening on the other side. I take a similar approach to good deeds. Do something good, or kind for someone, and then don't tell a soul. Keep it with you, for you, only. Hoard those moments like a dragon, and whenever you are having a crisis of faith, where you're unsure as to your own worth, remind yourself of those times you did something kind for no other reason than it was the right thing to do.
Yeah, I mean by all means record to share with the family, it's a nice moment and you can't have all people at the doctors office, but to post that shit online is as they say, kinda cringe.
Social media didn't exist when I was a child. I'm thankful for that because my experiences now help me quickly recognize narcissistic DARVO.
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Deny
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Attack
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Reversal of Victim and Offender
It often happens in a means most succinctly expressed by The Narcissists Prayer.
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
A wide scope of situations can flow from the general to a fairly specific outcome: A child lacks the means to communicate righteous injustice and has a "meltdown". The parent films it, then posts it to social media with something like, "Look what I have to put up with (laughing to tears emoji)".
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Just generally ask your kids' permission to post them online, and don't pressure them if they don't want to. This is a single piece of advice that will protect you from many mistakes like these.
My kid is 4 months old. Is a screech and a poop a confirmation?
Do not publicly post your kid much until they're old enough to understand what you do. Easy as that.
Like, I've seen very many people being hugely uncomfortable with their kid pics shared with others. This is a big deal.
I never understand why you'd even want to do that? I don't share images or videos of my kids as a rule but we do keep a family album app. If my kid is having a melt down, though, I'm not fucking filming, I'm trying to calm down the kid. Wtf is wrong with you is you if your first instinct is to film?
Some people have no concept of privacy anymore
I don't typically record things, but I could see the value in doing so if your kid denies having acted in a certain way, so you can show them they did. If they deny certain actions, it's harder to show them that the consequences of those actions are related to the choices they made.
Of course, I'm not advocating sharing these videos with everyone, though. Maybe a counselor if necessary.
It should be illegal to share your child's information online. That should include videos and pictures of them, and details about their lives.
They have no say in it, and imagine growing up and then finding out your parents have shared your entire life online?
Fuck parents who do this at all. I don't wanna hear about small friends or family group blah blah blah. There is NO REASON to share like this regarding a minor on social media.
I also always find it interesting when these parents never share the same amount about themselves.
There needs to be voluntary continuing education for adults and parents in the information age. Our social norms are strong, and people will largely self regulate if they are educated about consequences of their actions. There needs to be public education curriculum changes for kids that are focused on functioning in adulthood.
We dont need a law for everything. Parents have always been able to make decisions for their children even if it seems wrong to other people, within reason.
being such a prominent the front page reddit, /r/kidsarefuckingstupid has always disturbed me. Both the content people upload there and the responses seem mean spirited, and the reach is absolutely massive. Seeing that has absolutely made me more mindful of what I'd ever post. Some people's personal moments are just memes to others, and a lot of people out there are just thirsty for anything to post.
Yeah that sub is the worst people from child free just saying the most vile things about kids, who literally don't have the brain function that these adults are judging them on.
I hate that sub, it's full of losers
Agreed.
Plus: Normalise crying in public (not only for small peo... children). And/ or acknowledge the fact that social rules for children are others than for adults.
Still: Be mindful of which images you publish for others to see
I've silently cried in public many many times and nobody ever bats an eye. If your town is over a certain size, people tend to prefer to mind their business.
Or New Jersey. We know not to get involved.
The kid then turns 18, finds out and sues their parents for improper use of their image (among the things) and can you blame the kid?
Some people are fucking stupid. Posting that kind of videos on the internet is low-key harassment. You're making your kids miserable and they will have to fight a reputation that they did not create for themselves.
On the other hand: How else are we going to get those amazing condom ads?
A biography of Brejela the Purple's life?
Those videos don't make it to my filter bubble. But I agree.
Videoing my kid has been an effective method for getting him to stop throwing a tantrum. I wouldn’t post it to the internet, but it seems to get him to care about how he’s behaving, so sometimes I’ll do it.
Posting it once will reinforce any feelings of resentment your child has for you. Tread carefully. Technology was not meant to replace common sense child rearing.
Yeah, I said I wouldn’t post it.
Even posting it sometimes on the internet is bad dude.
Yeah, I said I wouldn’t post it.
Jesus Christ, can't even film your kids have a happy moment without offending some 20 something year old snowflake, who thinks we want their parenting advice.
Parenting advice from childless young people is like marriage advice from a priest
No one is saying not film your kids, its more about the sharing of said films online to public forms.
Sending a embarassing video grandpa is one thing, but posting it for the whole internet to see is just a breach of privacy. Strangers to the child, aunts, and schoolmates don't really needs to watch little Billy public meltdown, Sally slipping into the pool, or a public review of Jonny's report card and his punishment.
There's espessially creepy ones too, I'm sure you could find things along the vien of "having the talk with Billy" or "Sally shopping for feminine products for the first time" if you looked. There are moments that simply should not be recorded. Those "family vlog" channels are some of the worst offenders.
We spend all our efforts telling kids not post pictures of themselves online or share too much personal information, yet today's 15-20 year olds are finding pretty much their entire life catologed publicly on Facebook by other people,
Having that "life catolog" is cool, but the fact its publicly avalible to anyone is the creepy part.
We advocate for a child's right to their online privacy. Let them to be the ones who choose what is and is not available for the world to see.
It's not they filming that's the problem, it's posting a video of them being vulnerable on social media for everyone to see, and possibly be used against them in the future. Would you be appreciative if the next time you ugly cried, someone took a video of you doing so, adding their commentary, and then posted it for the world to see?
Filming kids during emotional moments is fine, it can be a great memory to look back on in the future.
The problem is when that video is uploaded to the public internet. Are you comfortable with generative AI training itself on videos of your kid? I know I wouldn't be.
Other people mentioned how your missing the posting to the public part of the equation. Video and take pics of your kid, but those are private memories and the child should have a say in what gets shared with the public. (Obviously that is my opinion, but I support bodily autonomy. Even if they are under 18. This mean different things depending on the event, because sometimes kids are stupid. Parents obviously need to make their kids do some things they don't want, but sharing things on social media is not one of those times. Maybe stop them for over sharing, but that's it.)
Also.....
Parenting advice from childless young people is like marriage advice from a priest
This isn't really the same thing. A childless young person just went through being raised in the modern age. I don't know where the kids hang out or what took over for skibidi after I found out what it is, but the young childless people might.
A priest that was never married has no life experience, but......they might hear what the arguments that are going around from talking to married people. They would be able to explain what worked with other couples....
Okay maybe you were right about the analogy, but my conclusion is different. Listen to them and see what they say. Just cause someone has a different life experience than you doesn't mean they can't form helpful advice based on their own.
Meh, there's 0 chance of my crying making anyone's interest.
That said I don't post videos of anyone's kids.
Fifteen minutes of fame, flash in the pan, there will be another crying kid tomorrow, only the grandparents will remember, and chances are very good that the data will be wiped from the servers in the next 10-15 years.
It's more about the breach of trust
