Whose cat are you?

My experience has been more like

"As a cat I am no one's... Hey, where are you going with the food? Hey, hey! HEY! I AM YOUR CAT! I AM YOUR CAT!"

“I wouldn’t say you own me, but it is cold in here and your lap is warm, so maybe I own your lap”.
More like "give me food servant!"

Unless it's within two hours in either direction of the cats feeding time, in which case "I wuv u, have u noticed ur poor kitty is starving and the food bowl is empty? Here let me get all up in your face in case you've forgotten about me..."

Also, hey hello, now look at my butthole.
- Apparently that's due to their mothers licking the buttholes to clean them when they were little
  
  So they are going, "You're my parent now, get to cleaning"
- Hey that cat is from Ohio
My cat rarely bothers us about food. But if we've not played with him, or toured the (exterior, communal building) hallway in the last few hours...he doth scream.

And I'm pretty sure he uses his abs when meowing because the boi can project!
Meanwhile their bowl has plenty of food in it, but because the bottom is visible, the rest no longer exists
- I've heard that the issue for some cats isn't that they can see the bottom, but that their whiskers hit the side of the bowl and that's uncomfortable.

People often describe their cats as Hannibal Lecter, mine is just a dumb idiot creature baby

most cats i meet are just chill dogs who require a polite greeting before loving you

"oh, a random human? hm yes okay you're nice, oh you want to pick me up? PURRRRRRR"
- And a polite greeting is pretty simple. I just offer my hand limp and palm down for a sniff. If you get a nuzzle then it's petting time, baby.

Cats are the original sovereign citizens.

I have a black kitten who LOVES belly rubs. He’s so weird.

I don't think I've known a cat that didn't like their belly rubbed.

I think it's just a trust thing. Cat ain't going to like their belly rubbed if they don't trust you.
- And the only cat I've known "not to like" belly rubs absolutely loves them, but he will also try to claw and bite the shit out of your hand while you do, which is why you use an oven mitt while giving them.
  Like, he will literally try to bring you that oven mitt and roll over for you in anticipation.
  
  Or maybe he just likes murder.
- My kittens would grab on to you and bite your hand (not hard enough to injure you) if you pet their belly. I used to dust the floor with them when they would do it to me.