The environmental impact of our online habits is far larger than most realize, and as digital communication continues to evolve, we must consider its long-term consequences on the environment and human life. We should take the easy steps of cutting wasteful energy use in our communications and it can start with eliminating email signatures.
With the utmost respect, appreciation, and sincere best wishes for a truly incredible day,
[Your Full Name, Including Middle Name, Nickname, or Any Honorifics]
[Your Official Job Title, with Certifications, Degrees, and Accolades]
[Your Company Name, Including Any Official Slogan or Motto]
📧 Email: [[email protected]]
☎ Work Phone: [Your Work Phone Number]
📱 Mobile: [Your Mobile Number]
📠 Fax: [Your Fax Number (even if nobody uses fax anymore)]
🏢 Office Address: [Your Full Office Address, Including Building Name, Floor, and Suite Number]
🌐 Website: [Your Company or Personal Website URL]
Professional & Social Media Profiles:
🔹 LinkedIn: [Your LinkedIn Profile URL]
🔹 Twitter/X: [Your Twitter/X Handle]
🔹 Instagram: [Your Instagram Handle]
🔹 Facebook: [Your Facebook Profile or Business Page]
🔹 GitHub/Portfolio: [Your GitHub or Portfolio Website]
🔹 YouTube Channel: [Link to Your Channel, Even if It’s Just Cat Videos]
🔹 TikTok: [Because Why Not?]
🔹 Reddit: [If You Want People to Know You Lurk There]
About Me:
💼 Years of Experience: [Your Number of Years] in [Your Industry or Field]
🏆 Awards & Achievements: [List Any Noteworthy Accomplishments]
📜 Certifications & Credentials: [List Any Professional Certifications, Degrees, or Licenses]
📚 Favorite Quote: “[Insert Inspirational Quote That May or May Not Be Relevant to Your Work]”
Company Information & Mission Statement:
At [Your Company], we are committed to providing unparalleled excellence in [Your Industry], ensuring quality, innovation, and customer satisfaction. Our mission is to redefine industry standards by embracing cutting-edge technology, ethical business practices, and a relentless pursuit of success.
Voted "Best in [Your Industry]" by [Some Organization]
Ranked Top [Whatever] in [Some List or Award]
Proudly Serving [Number] Clients Across [Number] Countries
Availability & Business Hours:
📅 Standard Business Hours:
Monday – Friday: 8:00 AM – 6:00 PM (Your Time Zone)
Saturday – Sunday: Available by Appointment or Chance
⌚ Response Time:
I generally respond within [X] hours, unless I am trapped in a meeting, fighting Wi-Fi demons, or taking a much-needed coffee break.
Fun Facts & Personal Tidbits:
☕ Coffee Intake Per Day: [Ridiculous Number of Cups]
🎸 Hobbies: [Playing Guitar, Skydiving, Collecting Weird Socks—Whatever Fits You]
🐶 Pets: [Your Pet’s Name & Type] (Yes, they probably appear in Zoom calls.)
🛸 Conspiracy Theory I Secretly Believe: [Aliens Exist? The Moon Landing Was Filmed in a Studio?]
Legal & Compliance Notices:
⚠ Confidentiality Notice:
This email and any attachments may contain privileged, confidential, or top-secret information. If you are not the intended recipient, please delete it immediately, notify the sender, and pretend you never saw it. Unauthorized review, use, disclosure, or distribution is strictly prohibited.
💸 No Liability Disclaimer:
Nothing in this email constitutes legally binding agreements, financial advice, medical advice, or life coaching. Read at your own risk.
📢 Opinions Expressed Disclaimer:
All views and opinions expressed in this email are mine alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer, my colleagues, or my pet goldfish, Gerald.
🖨 Printing Disclaimer:
Think before you print! Save trees. Save ink. Save the planet. Unless, of course, you are printing this as a work of art.
Motivational Section (Because Why Not?)
🚀 Daily Reminder: You are capable, brilliant, and unstoppable! Chase your dreams, break barriers, and make a positive impact.
🔥 Final Thought:
"In a world where you can be anything, be kind. But also be someone who gets their email signature noticed."
Final Closing Statement (For Dramatic Effect):
If you made it this far, congratulations! You have officially read the longest, most excessive email signature in existence. Feel free to copy, share, and modify, but remember—with great signature power comes great responsibility.
Ooh .. there's going to be a lot of fun had with this... I wonder if you can use blink tags and animated gifs .. strictly for educational purposes .. I'll be right back ..
I think it is funny that an automated program is usually responsible for adding email signatures, so if this is AI it is arguing against it's own existence for the sake of power conservation. Which is evidence that AI is not self aware or AI has self harming tendencies.
It doesn't say that 80% of emissions are caused by 57 companies. But by 57 entities.
One such entity is "China". Another one is "The Former Soviet Union".
Unsurprisingly, the actual privately owned companies that show up in the data (which cause about a quarter of emissions) are all energy, oil and gas producers.
Unfortunately, the climate problem doesn't have a solution as easy as "stop a few rich CEOs from doing evil".
The article and paper seem to be aimed at the set of people who hate pronouns intersected with the set of people who believe in anthropogenic climate change.
My recent study explored the environmental impact of lengthening email signatures, focusing specifically on two types of information: gender pronouns and land acknowledgements because both are relatively new additions to email signatures.
If the population of Canada used email signatures for a year, ~30 people in developing countries will suffer a premature death within the next 100 years.
That 100% should have been in the article in some clear form or another.
I'm not against the points of the article, I'm against it being so poorly written that AI slop is just as good.
Well, I did delete a company-mandated image from the bottom of my signature after I realised that it made even just a one-line "Thanks" email balloon out to 800kb.
I’ve looked at the sources of this paper, and it looks like the grams of CO2 per email are taken out of the ass, as it’s just a random value in „SAMRIDDHI Volume 15, Issue 1, 2023 Print ISSN: 2229-7111 Online ISSN: 2454-5767
Survey on Carbon Dioxide Emissions Through Email
Conversion”