I wonder if she gets quiet because she's brought up the same, exact issue multiple times and she's tired of her concerns being invalidated and forgotten as "women, am I right?"
This can go both ways. She could be upset he's not a mind reader, or she could be upset that he doesn't give a fuck. A " Schrodinger's Douchebag" if you will.
There's a relationship cheat code I use all the time. It usually stops everything in it's tracks and sets you on a much more positive path, especially if they're not used to you doing this. When you find yourself at that point in a conversation where you're about to shout something like "OH FFS! WHAT'S THE MATTER NOW?!" instead... you pause, look at them, tilt your head a bit, narrow your eyes thoughtfully and say as calmly as you can "What do you need?". No matter how mad they get after that you just keep asking that question until they respond to it. If you haven't done that before it may take them a while to even notice you asked that question. Just keep going. Oh also top tip... when they tell you what they need don't invalidate it. It's hard for a lot of people to directly tell you what they actually need. If they do then they're trusting you to listen. Breaking that trust will take you right back to square one.
I'd rather be single than have that. My sister has a weird couple as friends, they're always so hostile and sarcastic to each other, constantly arguing. Why anyone would stay willingly in a relationship like that is beyond me.
A lot of people never had positive role models when it comes to sharing their feelings.
When I started dating my now wife, she would sometimes ignore me for a week if we got into a disagreement, just because she couldn't tell me what's bothering her and be real with her own emotions.
She's grown a lot since then and when there's inevitably a new argument we can resolve it very quickly now.
Communication is important, but it's something you have to learn.
Yeah, uh, communication is an important part of a relationship. If your partner gets mad because you ask "what's wrong" then you might need to have a talk with them. If they refuse then it's probably time to walk away.
because that makes it too obvious you werenβt listening whenif she explicitly told you what was wrong.
If. Not saying it doesn't happen, but it's not common, especially not explicitly. And that's not really a male/female/etc thing, it's an everybody thing - people get upset and usually don't know exactly why. People experience delayed reactions to emotional triggers that happened days or weeks ago. People project past emotional reactions onto present interactions, usually not for any identifiable reason (this is not to belittle or invalidate the emotion, but just to point out that the connection is usually tenuous and vague).
Getting more angry when someone asks you why you seem upset is typically a defensive reaction - you don't know why you feel so upset right now, at least not for any specific reason you can express in the moment... so being asked why is putting pressure on you when you're already experiencing some anxiety, and the typical response is to try to deflect and defend against that pressure.
They told you the problem. It may not have been a verbal demand but they've absolutely told you that something is wrong. Or there's a pattern that's been occurring. Or "fuck you, fuck this, fuck that, fuck everything sucks right now". It doesn't matter why someone is defensive there are ways to deescalate what the fuck is happening and work out what's wrong together.
If you can't work that out with your partner when they're overloaded or upset about work or hungry or elevated you need to figure your shit out. Not all communication is verbal. You have to learn to work in crisis together no matter how big or small.
When my partner flips their shit I ask them what they need and agree that we should do that. And listen to them and figure out if we are solutions oriented right now or just venting. And I validate them.
We're a team. We can do this together. Because I absolutely know they'll work with me through anything.
I hope you one day realize that only a subset of possible partners are like this and that you can find more emotionally intelligent people if youβre willing to spend time and effort putting yourself out there. It will improve your life greatly in the long run