Some Decent Linux Jokes?

Linux, Microsoft & iOS engineers have a flat tire.

• The Apple engineer : "let's replace this tire ASAP"
• The Linux engineer : "we need to understand what caused the issue first, or it might happen again"
• The Microsoft engineer : "shouldn't we just go back in the car and see if the issue solves itself?"

Did you know NASA uses Linux on all its spaceships? That's why there's no sound in space.

Why are Linux user's power bills more expensive in summer?

They refuse to install windows.

GPL and MIT are at a beer hall.

MIT jumps on a table. "Anyone who sits at this table, has a beer on me!" yells MIT, and is met with a roar of applause.
GPL jumps on another table. "Anyone who sits at this table, has a beer on me, but only if they share it with a friend" says GPL, and is met with a small confused smattering of applause.

As the day goes on, people start to populate the tables, drinking to their health, to their gods, and to their loved ones. The MIT table is clearly more popular, with the chicken dance in full swing as people clink their mugs; a stark contrast to the GPL table singing depressing songs like Ay Carmela and everyone topping off each others beers with their own.

Finally the day comes to an end and the High Waiter comes to take payment.
The GPL table weren't really paying attention to who owes what to who with all the beer topping, so they just count the number of people and the number of beers, and throw a pile of scrunched up coins at the waiter which he genially sorts and accepts.

The MIT table pat each other farewell, and assure the waiter that MIT himself will settle the debt. However, once the table clears, MIT is nowhere to be found in sight. As GPL goes to grab his coat from the cloakroom, he spots MIT coming back from the bathroom, unaware that the party is over.

"Hey", says GPL, "your friends have left and you need to settle your tab."

MIT looks out of the window and sees all the people he has been drinking with leaving in flashy cars, and limousines. He stares at his wallet.

"I don't get it." he says, "I gave them free beer, and this is how they repay me?"

How many linux users does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

They’re too busy arguing over which alternative lightbulb to screw in.

If operating systems were airlines:

https://web.sas.upenn.edu/jasonrw/2015/12/29/if-operating-systems-were-airlines/

Emacs and Vi walk into a pub. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender. They both agree on a nice locally-sourced Ale with a good kick to it.

They down drink after drink. Emacs starts to slur words and sway after a while, but Vi just keeps on knocking them back seemingly unaffected by it.

As the night goes on, more and more patrons leave the bar. "Last call!" says the bartender, and rings the bell.

Emacs nods, stumbles up to a piano, and strikes a few chords. After a few moments of emptying pockets and saving lint, they vanish in a puff of smoke. Vi watches this display and then turns back to their drink.

"You know," says the bartender, "you can quit whenever you want."

Vi just smiles and weeps.

There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.

Linux users are just like vegans. They tell you that they are Linux users.

People who use Linux are just like people who use cast iron skillets. They tell you that they use Linux.

How do you know someone uses Linux? They tell you.

I use arch btw.

Debian, Arch, and Gentoo walk into a restaurant. Debian orders some cheese. Arch orders a milk and starts shaking it frantically to separate the curds and whey, and Gentoo orders a cow.

Unable to finish their food, they decide to pack it away and leave.

Debian aptly puts the cheese in their lunchbox and quietly walks away. Arch pulls out the newly produced fragrant cheese, and stuffs it messily in their pocket. Gentoo pulls out a saddle and mounts the cow.

Alice: Make me a sandwich.

Bob: No. Go fuck yourself.

Alice: sudo make me a sandwich.

Bob: Okay. Here you go.

• Debian users are so grounded, that they're not allowed on planes
• Debian users are so stable, that they had to leave the room before the Higgs boson was discovered.
• Debian users are so enduring, that they're forbidden from touching grass in case they turn into trees.

A Gentoo, Debian, and Arch core developer go to the restroom. The Gentoo developer runs out, rushes to the sink, pulls the handle all the way up, takes as many tissues as it needs. On their way out they yell: "We at Gentoo, we are fast!"

The Debian dev comes out and heads to the sink. They are very digilent with the resources. Just enough water and only one single tissue. On their way out they say: "We at Debian, we are very efficient."

The Arch developer comes out, passes the sink, sits down and mumbles: "We at Arch, we just don't piss on our hands."

X11 and Wayland are stopped off in a diner on their way to a funeral, looking at a map.

"Mommy" asks X11 to the waitress, "which way to the cemetery?" The waitress is a little taken aback, but gives exact instructions, and even includes instructions on how to open the door.

Wayland smirks, seeing the cemetery out of the window of the diner. "Follow me" he says, and walks through the window, shattering the glass.

Linux when anything but web browsing