No c-suite manager I've ever known would be so easily convinced by cold, hard facts like that. If they have their mind set on RTO, they're going to do it no matter how detrimental it would be to worker morale/productivity.
Yeah when they removed wanking in the office it was bad.
If only bosses actually cared about productivity and free employee satisfaction.
It has nothing to do with productivity. When you have a lease for 20 years on very expensive downtown property and a whole department that manages that property and sr stakeholders that have investments in the commercial real estate. Then it all makes sense.
If all you have is a lease, then this is the sunk cost fallacy. Your paying the lease whether you use it or not, so that should not be a factor. Not using it is still cheaper as you do not have the overhead of keeping the space usable (electricity, janitors, etc), and eventually the lease will end. And, you might something else to do with the space that, while not worth the lease, still has non 0 value that you wouldn't get if the space was being used for offices. Besides, at some point the lease would end.
Of course, if your board and executives have investments in commercial real estate, or industries that depend on it (restraunts in commercial areas, supplies of office grade toilet paper, etc), then they have a clear conflict of interest, and may want to sacrifice the interests of the one company to prop up their other investments. In theory, shareholders could sue over this. However, not only would this be very hard to prove, but almost all shareholders have the exact same conflict of interest.
It’s called going dark. Most businesses don’t own their property. So if they stop operating at a location, even if they still pay rent, there are consequences.
Say you own a strip mall with a grocery store. A selling point to getting restaurants and retail on around it is that the grocery is there. If the grocery store stops doing business there, all the other stores lose business.
I don’t agree with it, but that’s how it is.
The truth underlying that joke is that you are more productive when you are comfortable and people tend to be most comfortable at home.
you are more productive when you are comfortable
I might argue the real productivity gain is coming from the elimination of the commute. Its less strictly comfort of the home office and more the elimination of the need to travel long distances in a car before and after work. You can "show up" early and "stay late" when its a matter of walking in and out of a room in your house, rather than traveling 20 miles on a packed freeway.
As long as your are doing your job it shouldn't matter what the fuck you are doing.
Exactly why drug testing (with exception of stuff like people operating heavy machinery) is bullshit.
If you are working an office job and you want to go into the bathroom and shoot up at lunch but you can still do your job, why should anyone give a shit?
The worst part is you can get stinking drunk before you piss in that cup and that wouldn't make a difference.
Exactly why drug testing (with exception of stuff like people operating heavy machinery) is bullshit.
Can't find the context, but there's a one-off line about a small company being bought up by a bigger corporate entity. The CEO was asked about his drug testing policy. He responded, "if we tested our staff then we'd lose half our workforce... and it would be our better half".
On the flip side, I think a lot of the drug culture in the tech, law, and finance sectors is legit horrifyingly toxic. The boozing and bumping and microdosing becomes a way of squeezing extra effort out of your workers, while blunting the immediate consequences of accumulated stress and overwork.
A large population of professions that feel compelled to self-medicate on a regular basis is covering up some deeper chronic physical and psychological problems. Same with the huge swaths of gulf coast and industrial midwest that rolled from oxy to heroin to fent over the last twenty years. Heavy drug use often operates as a whipping boy for more pervasive and insidious social problems - lead poisoning, extreme social anxiety, treatment for PTSD.
Having a % increase associated with masturbation (vs undefined/infinite) means that there was a non-0 number of office masturbations prior to remote work.
Duh
The interesting part really is that it's RECORDED non-zero amount. Someone's been keeping track
I work in cybersecurity. One of our common issues is people getting malware while surfing for porn. I'm willing to bet that it's not all looking and no touching.
I don't think that's impossible
Of course there is a non-zero amount of in-office wanking. But how many get measured?
Story time !
I has living in flat share with 2 friends while studying master. We all had a 4 month internship in different companies during the summer break (mandatory). The week back to university after the internships we also also provided temporary shelter to a younger student while she was looking for a new flat. For context, this young lady was raised in a very strict Christian family. As we were all friends in this flat, we use to cook and eat most meals together. One evening the topic came up, about how boring the internships were. One friend confessed he was so bored he went to the toilet to masturbate on the job, using his phone for porn. I was like "no way you did !" and the second friend said, "yeah me too, I also had a wank on the job". Out of 3 guys, 2 had a wank on the job in the course of 4 month. Our lady friend was more like "You guys MASTURBATE!?!".
You're missing out brah.
Going from 1 a month in the office to 120 at home is a 12,000% increase.
Sounds reasonable for a decent sized workforce. Or that one person doing it 5 times a day every day. Which is probably easier for one half of the population than the other half.
Yup.
What, you don't remember the Dave incident?
Post nut clarity applied to business decisions is like cheating
Every day I have to make so many decisions that by Lunch I'd be like "The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised"
The CEO was asked about his drug testing policy. He responded, “if we tested our staff then we’d lose half our workforce… and it would be our better half”.
Look up 'Post-nut clarity is synonymous with Royce du Pont' I'd link but they're mostly on instagram reel, youtube shorts or tiktok. I don't know which one you want to check out via.
Boss makes a dollar, I make a penny, that's why I'm drunk on "Jack" and Henny.
Wait, I was supposed to record how often I jerk it when I was in the office? Because I may have underreported. 💁
Ah yes. At long last, after all these years! It is time for the putting-out system to make a comeback!
RTO: Return To Orgasm
The product increase is not solely a commercially viable one
You had me at bathrobe.
