Protect Your Dick Data

Genuinely though, it would not surprise anymore. We have subscription based cars selling your info to insurance companies, retroactively ammended purchase experiences everywhere, and every dang app and website harvesting as much info on you as physically possible no matter how mundane.

Dick info reporting toilets would not at all catch me by surprise at this point.

Dick info reporting seems pointless but they can add an advert screen above the urinal (which is sadly becoming common) and track your eye movement to record engagement rates.
It's just an auto flusher...
- Yes I’m aware. I’m saying that IF it were an actual thing, it would not be surprising at all considering the extent of invasive, non-consentual data collection and selling that happens all over the place these days.

this is why I exclusively pee in the dumpster being dairy queen

A real man would do it in the trash can inside the dairy queen
Why is the dumpster being dairy queen?
- Dumpster is obviously a dairy king.
I find the Whataburger dumpsters are more roomy
Don't fast food restaurants usually have a camera pointed at their dumpster? XD

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That's why I invest in wireless, RFID resistant, anti-flash dick screening devices. Wake up sheeple!

But does it need to be tamper proof as well?
- Its not just tamper proof, it's future proof!
  
  One day they'll want to manually inspect your cock before getting on a plane.
  
  Well I'm sorry Mr. TSA, my WMD is none of your business.

Damn. They are automating penis inspection day? What are creeps to do now?

We're suffering... How do you expect me to feed my family when I have to compete with HAL here?
Automation stealing our jobs again. My grandpa was a penis inspector. He worked long, hard hours to put three kids through school and food on the table.

Good luck, I encrypted my dick data.

"No data collected, subject not big enough to register. "

glad I'm not alone here.

real shit, these things are mechanical turks. they really are cameras that are live streaming to centers in third world countries. when the poorly paid operator sees you're done, he sends the flush signal to the toilet. if you've ever been in a bathroom where the "sensor is broken" and it seems to flush at random, it's because they just keep flushing it periodically if they can't get a visual. real truth

We were just training AI flushers this whole time?

Dick pics or it didn't happen!

What does matter is length times diameter plus weight over girth divided by angle of the tip squared.

I have so many questions. Are you measuring angle from the vertical or the horizontal? Whereabouts should I be placing the ruler for that tangent? Are we using metric or imperial units? If metric, is it square centimetres or kilograms per cm, and if it's imperial, is it square inches or ounces per inch per square degree?

34x28x16 @ 400 p.s.i. is that enough information for you?

Sorry, but no, you forgot duration it took to void, stream color, taste, smell, accuracy, flow consistency, body hair grooming, presence and degree of curvature, and overall hygiene. We've gone ahead and shared your supplied data with our 1869 advertising and heathcare partners. Thank you for opting in! We will continue to collect data at all of our established locations and now through your personal cell phone! Have a nice day!
400 psi? Damn you could piss the paint off your house with that thing
At 400 pixels per square inch, 34x28x16 isn't measurements I would have shared on lemmy.

Jokes on them. They're gonna need a longer lens.

(awkwardly long zooming noises)

My pp information is public, Im not hiding anything - what are you people hiding??

I care a lot about my prickvacy!

LMAO, jokes on them not going to be able to see mine without a microscope.

How else would we keep the girls out of the mens room? I personally am willing to give up a little privacy if it means protection from A foreign government, besides you don’t have anything to worry about as long as you have a dick, and to those arguing that those of us with smaller than average members might get thrown in prison unjustly I say just grow a bigger slong, Besides are people with small penis really men? I mean yeah technically it’s on there birth certificate but come on.