Gamer Rule

And you can eat your favorite chaff at the same time!

It needs a port that you can attach your bag of caffeinated noodles to.
- You can make the most vile, cynical, brainrotting product if you advertise it to Gamers™.
- https://sugoimart.com/products/nippon-ham-boost-noodle
- I.... kinda wanna try it

My Teammates:

"Wtf is that sound?!"

"Kolanaki put oats in his gamer muzzle again..."

Me: munches on oats

🐴?
- A horse is a 🐴, of course. Unless it was Mr. Ed.
who needs asmr when you can call kolanaki
Man, I hadn't ever noticed the "i" in your name. That changes things
- Does the ℹ️ emoji not work for some people or is the i in that box just hard to read? 🤔 You're not the first to think my name was just "Kolanak."

Im not gonna fuckin lie, I looked into buying one of these FOR WEEKS cus of my college dorm.

250 something dollars. Im good.

That is way too expensive for a product like this, that also might not work for its intended use (if their nose isn't fully covered like in the picture, I'd expect the screaming to leak out quite a bit. Might've worked for my idea of using it for call privacy (speaking softly) but still that's way too much for something that'll probably only be useful for that niche use-case.
250 is ridiculous, just buy a lavalier mic and put a face mask on at that point
- A regular facemask won't dampen sound much though.

Looks sweaty in there. I cant imagine the smell after a few weeks

This mask smells like poor oral hygiene

Yummy!
It's precoated in BO so you can be ready for any competition environment
- BO is Blasphemy Oil, right? must be an interesting smell

Is there... Is there a matching blindfold? Asking for a friend.

It also comes with a gamer buttplug and cat ears.
- Wow - grandmaster accessories already!
- For haptic feedback and headset weight distribution, of course
bro it better come with a ballgag and chastity cage too
i guess the equivalent for the eyes would be a vr headseat, since it makes it impossible for people outside to know what you're looking at (i think, i dont know if the pc's monitor shows what the person is seeing as i do not have a vr headset)

In case you were worried they have an accessory that will channel your farts directly to the face mask. Metadox knows what gamers want.

Or buy one of their celebrity sponsored "Gamer Farts" Its like Pokimane and Travis Scott are really there filling your room with farts!

Just buy a gag, it makes saying a slur more difficult, saving yourself from bans

Why do we want to save these people from bans? They need to be removed from the community, if from society altogether. Better for them to say it out loud than to think it quietly, otherwise these people will quietly ruin our lives one step at a time and we won't realize it as they're doing it.

This product is DOA... No RGB

Doctors On Asteroids?
Apparently razer makes one with rgb. No idea if it has any other selling points https://www.ign.com/tech/razer-zephyr

Your chance to sound like Kenny to everyone around you.

I mean it could be useful in dorms and shared room situations.

I just wish someone put serious effort into a microphone that worked with a mask so people wearing masks were easier to understand.

There are a lot of people who speak at conferences who still wear masks. I get it, even if you weren't worried about COVID, in the pre-COVID times a lot of people were out for a week after going to a conference / convention because of all the germs being passed around.

But, even with professional speakers and professional microphones, the audio just sounds muddy when the speaker is wearing a mask.

If they're up on a stage by themselves speaking, and no one is within 10 meters from them, as most public speaking scenarios are, then why the fuck are they still wearing a mask? Take it off you unprofessional fuck.
- I think you may be overestimating the size of room most convention speakers address. 2m from panelist to front row of audience is normal.
- Do you still, in 2024, not understand how airborne illnesses like COVID spread?

I don't speak on Voice chat though, mainly because many gamers online are racist (and sexist) pigs. Back in the day I did used to use TeamSpeak to talk to others in games and they both be racist toward me, and make fun of my voice saying I sound like a girl.

So, text only from now on, if reading is too hard especially with spelling mstakes if I'm doing it quickly in game, fuck them.

I do think this could have some use for me though, particularly with private calls which I'd prefer other people to not hear the other side of, though it's still very hard to justify it since it just looks way too silly.

It took me years to find gaming buddies who aren't racist shitbags and we still have to punt the occasional edgelord who decides to get up in someone's face with that shit. Not a single one of my remaining discord communities is gaming focused, those all ended up being Superfund levels of toxic. Hobby and tech communities though? Plenty of good friends there that I play games with occasionally.
- Yeah, I do have friends who I play online games with. Though I still don't speak because I'm still very self-conscientious about my voice, and I know it's stupid, but it's just how I feel. The only people I do talk with in Voice chat or phone calls are the friends I know in real life.
I'm sorry that is your experience. I play overwatch and have met many people with similar experiences. I try to be a safe and fun person to play with specifically with people like you in mind. I hope you find friends to have with that you feel comfortable enough to chat and be friends with.

Mmm, now we can get the full meatiness of choke-burping and mucus snorting! Downright sensual!

that would actually be usefull for me damn. I make inhuman noises when gaming with friends

I guess I'm fucking strange because I tend to game in complete silence.

does it come in pink?

asling for a friend :3

Okay jokes aside this is actually kind of a great idea

Combine it with the semi-adjustable GAMER wrist-proximity-fixation devices (also available in plush) as well as the the GAMER lumination-induced eye strain block face-covering mask device for best results.