How to cope with existing right now?
How to cope with existing right now?
It feels like no matter where I turn some septuagenarian, or older, is making life miserable for myself and others. Usually these are older white Christian conservatives, obsessed with a delusional sense of reality that no longer has a basis in fact, or perhaps never did.
There is a disproportionate amount of wealth concentrated in the older generation and those who will inherit it will probably be even worse with that money than the last generation. Certainly we see evidence of that already, anyone in their 30's who has parents who help them out VS those who don't have that have radically different outcomes. For some reason those lucky enough to come from good families ascribe laziness and bad attitude to those who don't have the family support, as if they are somehow enjoying "self made success" while mummy does their laundry for them.
No generation previous needed this kind of assistance well into adulthood, but this infantilisation of working adults has happened because of the hoarding of wealth, refusing to pass on the torch in workplaces and just blocking change for the sake of stoking petty politics. Most of us will never own our own home but all the politicians want to talk about is whether it's OK to dehumanise trans people or not.
I'm 36 this year. For most of my teens I thought there'd be some kind of tipping point where the conservative boomers would fuck off or at least let the next generation step in, but that hasn't happened. Back in the 1990's you could be a girl and wear jeans and be empowered, now this is considered some kind of woke statement. As if we recently invented this idea of women and men being equal.
The faces of my two dogs, my cat and my husband are all that keep me going. Knowing they need me gives me just enough to get out of bed in the morning and start moving... but I'm struggling to do even that without having a breakdown. My husband and I have medical expenses we can't afford and are borrowing money to survive right now. I run my own business and just feel this immense pressure on my shoulders, that again is compounded by how unfair the world is right now.
Anyone got any advice for coping with this late stage capitalist hellscape?
The entire world is going through this right now. Many of us will never own a home - and no I don't mean just Gen-Z and maybe Millenials, I mean people your age even. Fwiw, you/we still are doing better off than at least 95% of the world, but that is not to diminish the pain that we are losing hope b/c we are not doing as well as we thought we would. Find a way of coping that works for you - I am still searching for mine...:-( I just thought it might help to say that you are not alone:-).
Take a hiatus from social media and from doomscrolling- it can be so incredibly damaging.
Old people squeeze their eyes & ears shut so that they will neither see nor hear the
cries of painscreams of agony as the world burns, and they say: "This is fine".Ngl, there is some merit to that - maybe that is how they survived as long as they have, as opposed to those that died young (selection bias). I too could become a zombie, numb to the world, and I would then exist even after it ceased to. But I choose to live - and that means to suffer, especially when my brethren and sistren all across the world suffer too.:-( It is not madness to feel pain when things are WRONG - I would argue that it is, in fact, sanity.
All that is the context for why I agree - we NEED to stay connected, but not 24/7; also it helps to balance doomscrolling with positive experiences: as described in what I thought was a super-excellent article on that subject.
don't mean just Gen-Z and maybe Millenials, I mean people your age even
They said they're 36. That's millenial. At 41, I'm what Iliza Schlesinger coined an Elder Millennial (a little under two months older than Iliza herself).
Great comment otherwise, though, and I sincerely hope you find your coping method(s)!
Gen-Z and younger Millenials
The above is what I probably should have said. Interestingly (to me at least:-D), historically "Millenial" used to refer to what is now called "Z", it once having been the term used to describe the generation that came after "Y", but has shifted all the way over to now having absorbed Y and then replacing it entirely.:-P But yes, in 2018 (according to Pew) that situation finished switching and the old Z is now the new Y - though if you google search these terms, most results are how to market to these groups, and that likely confuses things further.
What I mean is that imho it is best to take these terms extremely loosely - e.g. an elder Millenial may share more in common with a late-stage Gen-Xer ("righteous dude!", e.g. having watched similar TV programs even if as re-runs) than with the later half of what is now called "Millenial", and similarly late Millenials with earlier Gen-Zs (no cap no skibidi, def no Ohio), and so on.
Though whether someone has rich parents or not seems to override all other factors such as generation or responsibility to work hard and save money for the future, when talking about owning a home:-(.
Like many else suggests: Cut the media. The world doesn't care if you follow it or not, and you'll be much happier all the time.
Alternative, try to follow positive media. I created my own community for this purpose only, called /c/worldinprogress
taps link to what is supposed to be a community about all the good stuff happening in the world
"Error: no posts"
Well, fuck.
Kidding aside, [email protected] probably has what you're looking for
Already doing this, that doesn't stop my next door neighbour from being harassed by the old couple on the corner. It doesn't stop my narcissist mother from coming to my door even when I tell her I'm going to call the cops. There are real problems beyond people's perceptions and feelings from the news.
I feel like you've got some other issues going on that you aren't letting any one in on. Statements like "neighbour from being harassed by the old couple" and "stop my narcissist mother from coming to my door even when I tell her I'm going to call the cops" are definitely not normal experiences. I don't think you will find general answers to your original question until you first address these more specific problems head on.
I'm almost exactly the same age as you. If I've learned anything up to this point, it's that people would start to have better and richer lives as soon as they cancel their cable TV subscriptions, delete all social media accounts*, and delete all news apps from their mobile devices. I really believe smartphones are a huge culprit in making people miserable, and it's because we've let these things get totally out of hand instead of consciously making them as boring and utilitarian as possible.
The issue of being 'informed' or not can be covered by reading Wikipedia's current events page for a few minutes each week. That should also free up plenty of time for people to focus more on what really matters day-to-day, which is their local community, friends, family and neighbors. Useful information is actionable, and actionable information can be found when you're laser-focused on your local area and the ways you can help improve it.
- Lemmy / kbin isn't social media, IMO. ; )
Lemmy is objectively social media
IMO Lemmy's a new version of old-school web forums and link aggregators (which have been around since the beginning- kind of like Fark, Slashdot, etc). Using this site feels the same as using those sites.
Think social media's a very specific thing that started off in the early-to-mid 00s- i.e., a site / app where you keep a profile that's tied to your real-life identity and real-life social circles (myspace, friendster, linkedin, facebook). And that's where the harm kicks in, since suddenly you have to worry about having some kind of curated digital persona, which has some kind of real-life impact. So if we can't talk about the harms of social media in a specific way (i.e., the harm of constantly comparing your life to these idealized representations of other people's lives), then 'social media' isn't a meaningful term anymore.
Is there an rss feed for the current events page?
lemmy and kbin are social media
But I want to carry the full weight of the world on my shoulders and get upset about things I can't change...
/s
I've been struggling with this too, but doing ok mostly. Here's what works for me:
- Spend time with people who make me feel hope instead of despair. It sounds like you know some entitled assholes; don't spend time with them if they don't improve you.
- Focus on local. What is happening right around me? What can I do to make it better? How am I interacting with my immediate environment?
- Focus on what is improving. In many, many ways it's better now that it has been at any time in human history. Women have more freedom and power now than they ever have. I can learn anything I want to, find out anything I want to, almost instantly. More people are aware of systemic oppression now than ever before, and more people are willing to resist it than ever before.
- Pick what to be mad about. There are too many things to be angry about, so I try to pick the ones that I think are the most worth it. For me, they are: wealth accumulation (we've come so far, and built such a great civilization, and we let a few rich fuckers loot it. It was a mistake! We tricked ourselves into thinking it was a good idea! But we're realizing it's not, and it's fixable) and systemic racism in the US (Black infants in America being twice as likely to die before they reach a year old than white infants is UNACCEPTABLE). Yeah, there's an infinite amount of other shitty stuff, but I'm only one person.
- Picking and choosing social media/other news sources that don't send me into a doom spiral. I don't go on Twitter. I don't go on Reddit any more. I don't have Lemmy on my phone (sorry Lemmy, nothing personal, but it's a bad doomscrolling hole for me). I go on Discord and I read blogs I subscribe to.
I believe that a person can only handle three big things at a time, and everything else needs to take a back seat to those three. You have your business, your family, and your medical debt. Those are your three burdens. When one of them gets light enough, you can take on something else. Gender equality and entitled rich people and identity politics are not your burdens right now. They can take a back burner until other stuff gets better for you.
Good luck, it's hard.
Thank you, some great advice and feels like affirmation I've taken the right first steps on my own, just need to keep at it!
One of the reasons that older people have money is because society was sane when they were young. It was even possible for only one parent to work and the other to stay at home and take care of kids and the house.
Every decade since then, things get worse because capitalism wants everyone to work, everyone to buy things, and as few people as possible having enough money to not work. Because money is power and if you are living thanks to a monthly check, you have no power.
The main strategy from the top has always been to divide people as much as possible and distract them from the fact that they can't get out of the hamster wheel. So there are public discussions about gender politics, environmental issues and other things that divide people into groups, so they argue with eachother and stay distracted from the big picture.
Big picture, we are kind of like slaves but much more comfortable. As long as we can't stop working, we are slaves in a way, because we don't have freedom to spend our lives doing what we want in most cases. So we waste our days trying to care about company problems that are all about increasing their profits while paying everyone as little as they can.
Yeah this is not a encouraging post, sorry. I just say what I think here.
One of the reasons that older people have money is because society was sane when they were young.
Also because they've had more time to make money.
As for the original question, "How to cope with existing right now?", I find that apathy helps.
In the 1960's you could buy around 21 burgers with an hours worth of work for average salary.
I know people with 3 homes because they bought them for $5 and a stick of gum.
Stop paying attention to the media and do something rewarding. Build stuff, draw, read books, learn to cook, play an instrument, raise chickens, start camping. Do anything other than dwell in your misery. The world will continue regardless of you watching it. If you think everything is terrible, you already know which side of politics is evil, so just vote against them when the the me comes and don't bother following what's happening. You can't effect it and it will only drive you crazy. It's all just a distraction feeding a dopamine addiction you'll never be ready to let go of. Social media especially. Play some slick jams and do the dishes, it's very therapeutic.
Well thats not true. You can volunteer, get involved in rallies and local elections, petition, protest. Those are great hobbies too ;)
Yeah I think I need to get more involved in my local progressive political groups... I can't complain about the world sucking if I'm not committing to being part of the better change myself.
i have actually started reading books, watching actual shows/movies and playing more video games, instead of arguing with tankies online and watching shitty youtube videos.
While those are better than your alternative, they're still sedentary activities that feed your dopamine addiction. Try doing things outside of screens and media. It will help.
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Take stock of what is and what is not in your control. There are a lot of things in life that are unfair that are outside of our control.
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If the thing is in your control, take stock of what actions you can take to change the thing to better suit your desired outcomes.
This advice may seem trite, but it's been repeated for generations because it is always like this in some capacity. Life will throw shit at you. Your job as a person seeking a happy healthy life is to learn how to react and respond. If it's out of your control, you have to make the best of it. Even if it sucks.
There are people happily fighting cancer. There are happy paraplegics. There are happy people in Gaza (not many, but I guarantee there is someone finding the silver lining in a real hell scape).
Learn to accept the things you cannot control. Learn to act in the things that are within your control.
It's all you got.
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Know that not everyone is like this, but it seems that the type of people you describe are the biggest shouters. There are people who have been fighting against climate change and 'the establishment' since the seventies or earlier, who do their best to always patiently continue to vote instead of giving up and not voting at all, who still join protests, discuss their views in the hopes of changing the perspectives of others. But they usually are just not the people who catch your eye. I'm a lot older than you, and i also still try to write to companies (sometimes even successfully change their product which is very encouraging), sign petitions, donate to certain causes, vote, answer questions when people ask for my opinion. I always was a bit of a rebel and i know of others who are too. I know that i am not alone in this. I was inspired by those lone rangers in the seventies who were already fighting against climate change, even though i don't know their names. They were usually portrayed in the media as the exaggerating crazies or hippies. But i'm not 'in your face' about it and i will only discuss things when other people approach me and ask me something. This takes away some of the hostility of other people who tend to feel attacked when i do things differently than they do. I always knew that i was never alone in my views. I might not know most of them but i know they exist. They always have. It might feel like you are alone, but you never are. And i feel like i do have a certain influence on my own personal environment. It makes some people think about certain things. They might even change, if only a little. At the very least, they now know from personal experience a person like me and can use my existence in conversations about certain topics, just as i could use those anonymous strangers who were putting up a fight in the seventies.
Anyone got any advice for coping with this late stage capitalist hellscape?
Learn skills.
Money is worthless when you have to spend 4 hours to work to hire somebody to do in 1h what you yourself can do in 2. At this point the prizes of skilled labour rise as there is a huge shortage of skilled personel. Somehow society decided ther theoretical knowledge is more valuable then practical knowledge, but to me managers and the likes are overhead.
As example, in '10, when I was 38, my house needed painting for the 1st time. I got a quote of €4k (more then a month's wage) and it would be done in 2-3 days. I decided to paint the house myself and it took me a week, cost me €400, gave me the chance to repair the windows and I learned some skills.
Same goes for car repairs, plumbing and I (male) even made our curtains with a sewing machine I bought. The only tasks I'm forced to hire people for now is medical, for me, my wife and our pets. When I hire somebody for other tasks, it's because I don't want to do the work. It's a choice.
As it always has been, knowledge is power, which includes the knowledge/skills to be self supporting. Refuse to run the rat race, although in the US that's a lot harder then over here in Europe.
Sorry that was 14 years ago. A penny saved isn't earned, when it's already owed elsewhere or you're just not making enough pennies. If you don't want to sound tone deaf, you'll need to internalize that your 15 years on us, was enough to get ahead of this stage of collapse.
When I don't have the cash for a paintjob, I shouldn't have bought the house (Yep, home owner here). I make way enough cash to have somebody paint my house. However, when I hire somebody to paint the house, I can't spend the cash on hobbies I like to do or improve the house the way I want to.
At the moment however, finding somebody that is willing to paint a house is a huge challenge. You just can't find the personel anymore to paint. Everybody want to be overhead and manage, nobody want to work. There is a hude shortage of skilled labour at the moment, so I'm very glad I can do it myself, inclouing the needed wood repair. (buying new window sills will cost about 25% of the current value of the house and they are ugly as all you can get is plastic)
€4k was really cheap, I'll risk.
You just stated what we should internalize more than ever: we can do something, even if if takes longer.
I'm in Europe too and dealing with shady/unwilling professionals forced me to wake up and start learning.
And never forget the skills we acquire for ourselves may one day prove of value to others. But just the sense of personal worth from getting something done or fixed is precious.
car repairs
At least change your own oil. If you don't have tools I know a few part stores will let you borrow them.
Thank you for the kind words of support! Some very helpful advice in most of these and actionable.
And to those questioning my lived experience, perhaps a bit of victim blaming too, while I open up and ask strangers for help.. what the fuck is wrong with you lmao
People never want to confront how close they are to hardship, so if they hear about someone struggling they want it to be the result of that person's actions, not just that the world is unfair. Just ignore them; they aren't dealing with their own shit as healthily as you are.
I like to be informed, so, that "cut the news" thing, while it works for some people, it's not for everyone.
Mindfulness was the thing that helped me to cope with current times. I believe our brains aren't ready for this stream of information about the world, because our world used to be way smaller when it evolved, and its plasticity can only get so far. Be aware of your present, that's your life, thinking about the past and the future only brings pain and anxiety. Learn to detach your self from your mind, or the part of your brain that lives thinking about the future. Know how to let go from the illusion that you have control of your life.
Sounds to me like all your problems would go away with money. I wish I had a solution for you, sorry OP.
Pretty much! I've been sales prospecting since November but it's just a baad time to be doing that in terms of time of year and the pinch on a lot of company budgets out there. Uncertainty everywhere makes people nervous and not want to spend money on new contractors offering advanced 3D visuals etc.
This was the worst Q4 I've had in 18 years of b2b sales. It's not you. I think when people get back in the saddle, they'll start buying late this month. Hang tight. We're all struggling to survive. You're so not alone. 2/3 of the US are a couple paychecks and an emergency away from a collapse from middle class to homelessness. It's fucked up.
I feel you. We have had the rug pulled out from under us so often we might as well lay on the floor. I wish I had some advice to give you, but I don't. All I can say is I truly sympathize becuase I am going through the same thing. We are just going to have to hang in there, for better or worse.
There is a disproportionate amount of wealth concentrated in the older generation and those who will inherit it will probably be even worse with that money than the last generation.
Don't worry, this isn't going to happen. Inheritance, I mean. Almost all of that generations wealth is going to be eaten by elder care. At $10k per month, and zero of that being covered by Medicare until you're basically destitute, nursing homes are going to demolish that store of wealth and their descendants will be left with nothing.
My best advise is to stay away from social media.
distract yourself, ignorance truly is bliss.
i have multiple hobbies currently. i collect HotWheels, Nerf guns and the occasional LEGO Technic set.
3D Printing has been very fun, most entry level machines are 200€ and you can use fusion360 for free. the gridfinity system will restore order to any cluttered room.
also comitting to watching shows, reading books gives me a great sense of accomplishment.
to add to that, i set up an old PC as a NAS running truenas and jellyfin as a docker app. i'm also planning to add nextcloud to it.
i'm still very depressed, but without my hobbies i wouldn't be here right now.
I have a veggie garden, three pets, two businesses, multiple digital and physical projects...
All the distractions in the world don't help much when my husband is writhing in pain and we can't even see a surgeon. The Australian health system thinks walking, being able to work and living without pain isn't a priority, in the next week we'll have been on the waiting list for a year.
It gets my goat when we can't even get into the public hospital without having to walk 500m through the car park because the private facilities have taken over the entire complex.
that fucking sucks.
my dad told me of a friend who broke his neck and was paralyzed from the neck down once. he was able to recover almost fully, but only because he was a football player and had a lot of sponsors paying for his therapy. otherwise he would've remained paralyzed probably.
not even tax euro funded hospitals help often times.
we are all royally fucked at the moment and we can't really do anything about it except electing the least corrupt and most empathetic people as possible.
but whatever you do, your husband needs you. even if you can't cure whatever problem there is, i'm sure being there for him and caring as much as possible, even if it's very exhausting, means a lot to him.
that's an easy thing to just type out, and i have no idea how hard it actually is. but keep going. this is what we do, this is what we have always done. that's how we survive.
don't become a statistic, become the change you want to see.
The Australian health system thinks walking, being able to work and living without pain isn’t a priority, in the next week we’ll have been on the waiting list for a year.
The global opiate crisis has created a situation where normal Australians in acute or chronic pain can no longer access pain management. The crazy thing is, due to strict prescribing guidelines we never really had the kind of problems that were seen in the USA, yet we have made doctor petrified to prescribe where there is genuine pain.
2 years on a waiting list is a very long time to try and get on with life in serious pain, and I'm very sorry that you are dealing with this. I know it can be difficult to carve out the time and money, but if you can push hard to see a pain management specialist you might have more luck. There are synthetic options that can be taken long term whilst you await your specialist appointment/ surgery but you have to PUSH. Visit the ER daily until you get an outcome if you can't afford to buy your way in.
This country is under attack and every single person that buys into the lie of private healthcare drives another nail into our coffin.
You're awesome, and hobbies are awesome.
Thank you for sharing.
I have a lot of similar hobbies, although I've been working so much lately I haven't had much time to work on them. Can't wait for the summer then I'll have more time!
I highly recommend looking into Audiobook shelf if you listen to audio books.
having to go to work is definetely one of the sources for my depression. and without giving too much personal info, i look forward to not having to do it in the future.
i do sometimes listen to podcasts, but haven't tried audiobooks. i think my ebook reader can do them, i might try that sometime.
I saw this 70 year old guy waiting at the hospital today, with his 70 year old wife in a wheelchair, produce wearing by his brand new TRUMP hat (along with a chain wallet, like he was 20 and it was 1996). My thought was: why the fuck does this loser have to fuck up society before he dies of old age?
He needs something to focus on other than dying and his sick wife. Don't worry about it, just negate his vote, he'll die first.
That might be good advise for America, but where in from it's mainly young uneducated people that vote for parties that fuck up our system because they are blinded by racism. And guess which group of people is growing and not dying off? 😐
Why is it always ok to shit on chain wallets, long hair on a man, or any other non-political style choice?
I sponsor and attend protests - have done so since the '90s. I help out at shelters and food banks and soup kitchens. I champion the causes of all people who are oppressed or otherwise neglected by society.
But my fucking chain wallet and ponytail make me less of a person?
Why?
I feel the same but what help me is living in my reality, living with my gf, my apartment, set goal that I want to achieve (getting cast iron pan, dog in 2025, etc) and just focus on my own personal thing, and do my hobb(ies) without fail. Do not skip on your hobby.
Disconnect from news and social media as much as you can. And I don't mean deactivate your account, just ignore and turn the notifications off.
I think this is the right answer. A lot of people say disconnect, but that's only part of it. It's more about refocusing on what you can control. We tend to focus on problems, so we can solve them. But current technology encourages us to focus on problems we can't solve. Leaving most to feel doomed, trapped, anxious, and depressed.
Temporary media blackout.
Find a hobby besides reading bad news on the internet, it’s not that hard
| Find a hobby besides reading bad news on the internet, it’s not that hard
Actually it can be, when the same world that generates that news has commoditified every aspect of your existence to a transaction. Transactions you can't afford.
You're conflating debbie-downers with a generation of humans living a worse life than their parents. When a damn is cracked, overflowing with water, drowning people, the solution is not, "Hey just like, don't pay attention, man! Life is good!"
That type of advice doesn't go very far with starving, unhealthy (unable to afford health) people.
Some of us in the United States (me for example) can give you a list of people we know who have died because they were unable to afford insulin (first died in high school twenty years ago, most recent died last year), we know what our country has become because we cannot escape the damage it is inflicting on a generation, a generation poorer than the ones before.
You’re overcomplicating it and making this far more harder than it needs to be. You hobby can be going out on walks, drawing, playing very cheap sports, etc. No more no less. There is barely an economical factor for finding a cheap enjoyable hobby.
And I’m not advocating toxic positivity or being blissfully ignorant. All I’m saying is finding something enjoyable to do in the fleeting life you have is better than being miserable all day by going out of your way to read bad news on the internet.
Owning your own business and self employment are kind of not specifically designed to thrive in this kind of economy. Unless you and/or your business have a prospect being bought out by a competitor you might be burdening yourself with an unnecessary degree of stress.
It can be stressful to run your own business if your livelihood depends on it.
Now this depends heavily on what kind of business you run too and how much you enjoy it.
We're a home studio that makes websites, software and digital media. I've thought about temporarily accepting a job but I fear that would just compromise my mental health to the point where I can't work at all.
In Australia we IT people get paid about half what our USA colleagues make, our expertise is treated with revulsion, even though it's critical, and people act like our neurodivergent/introvert personality types are a hindrance to a successful and productive work environment.
I love what I do, but I'd sooner stack supermarket shelves than go back to being some corrupt conservative dickheads golden ticket, again.
What is the public service sector like is AUS? In the US there is kind of a large void left from boomers retiring and gen X not working public sector. It is leaving a lot of vacancies in local governments across the country which are all traditionally pretty low pace, decently compensated, with pensions and benefits.
Where I am these jobs are promoting up to 90% teleworking capabilities as well. There is a whole generation of vacancies pretty much in the US and I wonder if AUS is similar at all.
All IT people in Australia are defective?
i recommend to read "Hope in the Dark" by Rebecca Solnit
Sucks doesn't it -- I too used to think that the Boomers would at some point exit stage left and let newer generations take over, but not only have they continued to hold onto power well into their 60s/70s, they've also done everything they can to consolidate their own power and riches, while knocking the ladder out from under the later generations.
My only advice is to take a break for the news and focus on yourself, maybe find a de-stressing hobby like drawing or sewing. Aside from that, I just wish you best of luck.
Just don't worry about it... It's there, it's happening, but it's not like you can do anything about it, just sit back and enjoy the things you enjoy. Worrying about bullshit isn't gonna fix it.
Just pay attention to what makes you happy in life and don't sweat the rest so much
I would see a doctor.
Every journey of a hundred miles starts with one small step.
You might think doesn't help you now, or that you don't know in what direction your steps should be. But if you keep taking steps then one day you'll be able to look back and see how far you've come.
Reclaim your labor. learn a skill that saves you money. use that to barter outside the system. remove yourself from the system as much as is practical. learn how to make a molotov. Just enjoy the simple things and don't get too caught up in who threw what at whom.
Have you considered moving? The capitalist hellscape is mostly an internet meme real in few places. Most places around the world are growing.
Stop dwelling.