So true. I have the barely functioning laptop but the rest I'm woefully short on. Not sure how I'll convince my wife to allow me to get a bisexual gf either but the smg comes first anyway.
Try xfce or mate as a desktop environment. Both should be performant. Didn't have luck with cinnamon DE, and it lagged/crashed even with great hardware.
Not to brag but I have a 6 year old Acer aspire with a dual core Intel CPU. I'm running MX Linux entirely because it uses apt as it's package manager and it's not Ubuntu. It runs.... ok.
Listen, my grandpa sold Thompsons, I hate to slander that gun, but it was heavy as fuck and very expensive. There's a reason the British replaced it with the Sten and the Americans dropped it for the grease gun.
Browning M2 please. It's technically a sub machine gun because there are both guns and machines that are larger than it is and I would like one, thank you.