Unfortunately due to other matters I don’t have the bandwidth today.
Let’s schedule a follow-up to discuss for a later date so I can give this the focus it warrants.
This is the one. Polite and professional, and also acknowledges the importance of the other person's viewpoint.
The coffee hasn't kicked in yet.
Bonus round: you don't drink coffee.
I just need a quick bump and I'll be back in action
This is why I love working in a blue collar field. Who needs professionalism. "Sorry boss, brain's fucked today. Explain it at me like I'm an apprentice."
What’s the priority on this? I’ve been a little scattered today.
Bear with me, I’ve been running around all day, and I need to catch up and refocus.
I like the first sentence as a standalone reply.
I'm sorry. My brain is slow today and this needs to be done while I am fresh. We can go over it tomorrow.
I am too burnt out today.
I can't focus on that right now.
I am not functional enough for that.
I don't even make shit up and I am done with corpo speak. If they can't accept that, then they can get over it. We can discuss this like humans. If I can get you started, great, but if you want this done right, you will wait.
All of those make the person seem incapable or otherwise unable to fulfill their daily activities/roles. I dunno I think this wouldn't be great to say unless maybe you were legitimately sick. There are times you just gotta suck it up and get er done.
I like to explore all the angles before committing to a decision
This looks like the right one.
Depends on context. If it's after a bad blunder it's probably a poor reply, because it makes it seem like you're trying to cover it up.
"I need my coffee" has never failed me!
"Sorry, I haven't had my coffee yet."
It's 4 PM, Ron.
In the morning, it's "I'm not fully caffeinated, yet".
In the hour(s) leading up to lunch, it's "My blood sugar must be getting low."
In the hour(s) after lunch, it's "I've had lunch and now I feel like I need a nap."
In the hour(s) before clocking out for the day, it's "It's been a long day and my eyes / brain need a rest."
This is basically science. I just need to apply for some funding.
“Sorry, I haven’t had my
coffeecocaine yet.”“Sorry, you don't pay me enough for
coffeecocaine yet.”
"Sorry, I don't function well on Mondays"
"But today is Wednesday"
"I call it third Monday"
And tomorrow is before-friday.
Sorry, I have a case of the Mondays!
I believe you get your ass kicked for saying something like that
Not if you say it on a Thursday. With a gallon of coffee in hand.
"Thank you for your patience"
"let's pencil in a session about that tomorrow morning"
(I just recreated the original because that one is jpegged to hell and back. I used draw.io (used the original image as background), then exported as SVG, jammed it through SVGOMG, and then let ChatGPT do one last optimization because the font stuff was a bit too much, removed the whitespace and comments - boom: 700kb SVG)
"Co-pilot, make up an excuse for me."
I am unavoidably detained due to furious diarrhea
*furrious
"Just back from annual leave and trying to get upto speed" or "just had the closing meeting on an old project. Once I'm fully read in on this I will be able to take it on"
"It's been a long day."
Sorry, I have exceeded my bandwidth for the day.
I work smarter not harder
I find the blank, abyssal stare of one desperately trying to piece reality back together long enough to hold conversation, sends a pretty clear message
I can assure you of my intellectual capacity but there is a severe incompatibility with cognitive functions on this day.
At present time.
I promise I'm smart my brain is just sautéed.
We need some internal discussion on this. (When talking to an external party or another department)
"Apologies, X AM/PM is too early in the morning for my brain"
It becomes more of a joke the later it is in the day.
Think no. Brain not good.
When I'm in that situation, my go-to is "I don't think I can do that today, but I think we should definitely look into that sometime"
"My apologies, I seem to have contracted an acute case of skibidi brainrot."
Yo dawg, fr fr my skibidity's da bomb ya'ight, cap.
At that point, see if they can keep up with you😜
I've seen
I am at capacity
And
My head is full
"I'm having a 4th Monday this week"
Sorry but my burnout quotient is too damn high today. Leave it with me and I'll ponder it while I grab an emergency tea.
If I ever get a fucking office job I'm not doing corpo speak. I simply won't do it even if it gets me fired. Fuck that shit, I'll die in my studies.
You really don't need to. Corpo speak is really just for speaking across different lines of business, like an engineer talking to a project manager or a sales exec talking to a customer. As long as you can express your concerns respectfully then it's not necessary.
So instead of saying something like "what you're asking for makes no sense, that's not my job" you'd say something like "I want to make sure we're both understanding the requirements. Send me what you're proposing and I'll get you pointed in the right direction."
I'll say I'm only half lucid, or I'm losing lucidity. Sometimes I'll just say I need more coffee.
