Lemmy has made me hate people more than any other social media platform.
Lemmy has made me hate people more than any other social media platform.
Truly a pretty terrible place for any kind of social activity.
People here are super self righteous and unwavering in their beliefs, quick to insult others and be generally bitchy, pedantic and quick to dogpile. Worst of all while still usually slightly wrong about a thing, but unwilling to hear it.
It's basically the worst parts of reddit users where we have boiled it down to the most affluent or socially insecure.
Even if it's as simple as a question people jump to defend their position with insults rather than answer it cause they get worried the person might be confused and it's best to just make sure it's a closed community as quick as possible.
This isn't an open community it's a private gated one where everyone jumped the fence and is scared that the wrong person might have come in with them.
Condescending is not welcoming.
Upvoting cause they are your in group isn't community.
Berating outcasts cause you at least don't feel like them is still bullying.
I see your instance is federated with both Hexbear and Lemmygrad. Going to gesture vaguely at that being the root of your problem (or at least > 90% of it).
Blocking instances helps, but you'll still see users from there in the comments and in other communities (not on the blocked instance). Some UIs will hide users from blocked instances. I know Tesseract does (I wrote it to do that), but others might as well.
My experience here has been pretty great after getting my blocklist and feed curated.
Yeah I am also federated with lemmy.world and blocking that would silence the feed a whole lots more while being just as helpful to my psyche.
The commies are at least consistent and up to date on things. Which is insane since they insist on a economic system from 200 years ago.I think the problem I have is that those outside of grad and hexbear also think their shit doesn't stink but I literally have seen people openly mocking a user for nothing because he made a comment elsewhere that means they keep going after him to punish him for his opinion on anything. It's cruel and fucking inhuman. It lacks all empathy and it's not hexbear that was doing it.
I also don't want to block people just for existing with other opinions. I couldnt do it in real life. I can choose to not interact.
Blocking feels like a bandaid for having a terrible community where everyone wants to be alone and right.I think the problem I have is that those outside of grad and hexbear also think their shit doesn’t stink but I literally have seen people openly mocking a user for nothing because he made a comment elsewhere that means they keep going after him to punish him for his opinion on anything. It’s cruel and fucking inhuman. It lacks all empathy and it’s not hexbear that was doing it.
Feel free to report this. This should not be tolerated.
Must be a different Lemmy you're talking about. My experience has been nothing like that and generally quite positive.
Ok. Thanks for chiming in.
Have a specific community you like to interact with or are you a Linux user?
There's more than Linux for nice communities
Twitter made me hate people. FB made me realize just how dumb people are. Reddit made me realize that there are no good guys in positions of power. Bluesky is actually pretty chill. But I prefer this format. A forum style.
At this point, i’m having a decent time here but I also have a decent block list, an instance blocked, and another mostly blocked.
I don’t mind the commies too much, since I’m an ancom, though I have argued with them on my previous main account a lot, and it did get exhausting since some communities dogmatically support specific arguments that have been proven wrong a hundred years ago or are based on strawmen, or fundamental misunderstandings, or on viewpoints that haven’t been mainstream since the 1800s.
Lemmy has changed a bit since I joined when reddit announced their api changes. It used to be more radical, but I’ve seen a lot more centrists and center left folks join, and I think the mixing of that has caused a fuckton of drama.
Though I don’t see a lot of insults anymore. I’ve been insulted a million different ways, but since march or april I’ve seen a reduction in people calling me a slur or people calling me a fascist or trumper even though my position is to the left of theirs. I remember being insulted incessantly after October of last year.
I tend to be careful where I reply with political talk (AKA not on .world or most hexbear communities) but the non political communities are wonderful. I fucking love the queer communities here (even on hexbear) and the open source communities are also great.
I just hope the toxicity drops to what I remember around June or July of last year once elections end.
Nice.
I actually think I agree with a lot of your points but just got called a "shitheed" like 20 minutes ago by someone that clearly doesn't agree on dictionary definitions.
But I also make the mistake of trying to bring a rational take I hope in the big communities and that is not welcomed.But I think your block list is just better at covering those people as well cause I could give pretty specific names for people that have come at me and gone through my other comments to further insult me.
I'm thinking it's real world stress and isolation torrenting in and the anonymous nature makes it easy to treat people on the other side like garbage cause "what does it matter"
Maybe should ban those people but I see a lot of agreement with that kind of treatment of others and it's like being bullied in school all over again.
But I also make the mistake of trying to bring a rational take I hope in the big communities and that is not welcomed
I think the best way to avoid getting insulted just to conduct yourself carefully.
What you said sounds haughty. It implies that everyone else is irrational and you are the sole voice of reason, and that you are ultimately right and that’s why people are taking issue with you. Things like that is what leads to insults flying. Even if you didn’t intend that, it is impossible to know that from the text alone.
If you are talking online to “be right” rather than to discuss and debate, it will come through. And this is true even if you are literally correct in a case and have a dictionary definition as proof. People would rather talk to someone who isn’t trying to “be right” even if they are arguing on which view is correct. It’s about how you say things, and why you are bothering to engage.
Part of why I rarely get insulted is because I’m careful with my conduct. Even when I doubt the person on the other side of the screen is being genuine, act as if they are. Those feelings have been wrong a few times, and if I used that feeling as a way to be rude and say “you are a disingenuous person” I can skip saying that and counter the disingenuous bit.
How I approach responses is usually done in such a way that I try and prevent escalation. I’m not perfect, I often get on lemmy when I’m drunk and on the train ride home, or waiting for alcohol to wear off after drinking with friends online before going to bed. And usually I don’t have much of a filter then.
The only time I ever get insulted anymore is when I’m dealing with zionists or people on the right, since we are diametrically opposed in our views. Specifically in the case of Zionists, I have a hard time being respectful though I try initially. Plus, they will always be incredibly demeaning and go “BuT YoU ArE QqUeEr tHaT meAnS tHeY wOuLd KilL YoU OvEr ThErE” while not even considering the fact that, at this point, Israel has very likely killed more queers than any Palestinian vigilante or governmental system that they are imagining. Hard to keep your cool when things like that happen, though I usually drop a meme that points out how horrid that position is and block em, since it isn’t worth continuing.
As for my thoughts about why people are dicks online, i think it’s the lack of face to face communication leads people to be less respectful which over a few comments will escalate. And I think that people will often take something that would obviously not be seen as an attack in a face to face conversation as an attack online, where there is less context from tone or body language. I think that some people are socialized to be shitty to their political opponents due to the current media ecosystem. And most importantly, there are much fewer consequences. But i don’t think anonymity is a factor.
I protest a lot, and in most cases I opt to maintain anonymity. But I don’t always. I’ve been at pride marches far enough from home that I don’t feel the need to make any effort to remain anonymous, and even at those I’ve seen people be shitty to my face, or to other people/the crowd. I’ll never see those folks again once I leave.
Hell, I remember a fuckton of name calling and bullying at school when there was no anonymity.
Finally, as for my blocklist, the point of a blocklist is to separate you from people you won’t get along with. If someone is going through your history to downvote you or insult you, that is what it is for. Blocklists have to be tuned and maintained by design in order to work.
One thing I noticed is alot of people on Lemmy think that everything on the internet should be free and have no ads. In a perfect world this would be great but most of the sites people regularly use are expensive to operate and wouldn't exist. I do use as blocker and pirate stuff sometimes but I also pay for YouTube premium and a couple other services. Plus I go to movie theaters whenever there is a movie I really want to see and support.
+1 for unpopular. I think planet earth is worse platform.
Yeah well you try implementing physics to prevent activity from being contrived!
Yeah I'm starting to think it's just nature of people to be shitty.
Any subject at all and if someone thinks themselves better than you (and they will) then it's practically pointless. They just like the high of feeling right more than anything else.
Edit: also near 50/50 split so I guess this was an unpopular opinion
There are two keys to success for an internet community:
- limit the conversation to a circumscribed subject
- have decent moderation
This has not changed since the 90s. It's the reason that any community devoted to "world news" or "politics", whether it be here or on the R-site or anywhere else, is destined be a train wreck whereas one on "gardening" or "classic BMWs" or whatever will generally be pleasant.
Fair-minded moderation is what turns a cesspool into a merely unpleasant hangout, or a decent community into a great one.
IMO the gold standard for a successful community is clearly Hacker News, which (logically) combines a well-defined purpose with top-notch moderation. Rather than just deleting comments and handing out bans, the moderator there intervenes in discussions to push them back on course, often in a plaintive manner that appeals to people's good sides. The positive results of this approach were even the subject of a feature article in the New Yorker.
This is a not a technical problem as much as a human one. Restrict the bounds of conversation, then take a smart approach to moderation. Success will follow.
It has some crazy, but I've found it refreshingly with it in many ways. People here generally understand that getting paid enough money instead of ripped off by a billionaire is good. The stuff you shouldn't have to filter for.
Yeah the topics aren't necessarily the problem it's how it's not a conversation most of the time it's just snarky fighting to be the most right or up voted cause they act like they are right.
I would hope it's not these topics making people shutty or else that doesn't bode well for them.
Sorry to hear.
I see you from time to time on [email protected], hopefully you don't hate people there, we try to keep it nice.
Feel free to join [email protected] if you want a more laid-back experience.
Nah I love the movies community. I was able to talk about the weirdest thing I've seen all year Megalopolis over there. Literally just wrote a comment about it.
Rough day elsewhere on the platform. Rough month really.
But thank you maybe I will check it out!
I find that if you avoid the political and news forums and some of the meme forums, you avoid 90% of the assholery that exists on Lemmy. But that’s true for Reddit as well and I think is probably just a truism about the internet in general.
It’s not really the people, I think, that is the problem; it’s that people feel strongly about politics and when they have the anonymity and disconnection of the internet to free them from true social accountability, we express ourselves in increasingly overconfident and arrogant ways, which obviously pisses other people off and creates arguments. In other words, the internet is ideal for festering toxic debating environments. Our psychology just wasn’t meant for it.
Someone argued with me and called me a lot of rude things cause I called them privileged for them saying everyone should just buy an extra computer that they can use to run linux.
Like when I called them out on it and said it's a lot for people to just buy multiple devices for the sake of being both on Linux and Windows if people don't have a purpose for Linux he called me a troll and spoke down to me as if his existence and level of life was what everyone else lives.
It's not just politics. It's not even the politics that upsets me it's the condescending self righteous know it all attitude that's everywhere in this platform. That their life is objectively the way to be. It's pompous and that's absolutely the users.
Get a instance that doesn't federate with .ml instances or hexbear, block the Lemmy.world political communities and you can enjoy Lemmy mostly without assholes.
Like most people say if you want more pleasant experience, it'd be better to avoid politics.
Dank memes is also tangled with politics and crudeness anymore and outlived their days.
Also you don't need to feel obligated to respond to rude or unpleasant people, just block em' and go about your own interest.
Lastly treat others how you would like to be treated. If you just go around trying to counterpoint argue and call everyone terrible then you might suffer some backlash.
You forgot where their feelings about a subject hold more weight that your facts. Its usually over some childish pearlclutching.
There is indeed a LOT of bitchy pedantry on here. I'm not sure it's worse than other platforms, because this is the only one I've been using for a while now. I block very aggressively and that seems to help.
Sorry you're not having fun on Lemmy, I do get it. For some reason reddit keeps failing upwards and we're not getting the influx of users I was hoping for. I'm still hanging in here but participating less and less.
For some reason reddit keeps failing upwards and we’re not getting the influx of users I was hoping for.
Inertia is directly related to how big their userbase is. And they pretty much killed all the text-based discussion forums.
So I'm not hopeful we'll get another influx that soon. People staying on Reddit will prefer to fix their personal API key every day to use a 2 years old Lemmy or Sync apk rather than try Lemmy.
I'm also starting to think social media plus human nature = inherently bad combo. It's not always bad, but it trends that way over time and at large scales.
Real identity social media is bad because creepy corporations track your every move and people post fake and highly curated profiles.
Anonymous social media is bad because too many people behave like unfiltered belligerent asholes.
Hahaha yeah the whole API key thing was what pushed me to Lemmy.
The first time I got "you have used the maximum amount of posts blah blah blah" I was done with reddit... But then I found out that I'm having a lot less fun.
I have to participate in the big communities and with awful people if I don't want to be alone in an empty community.
Honestly Facebook is even better just cause it's people putting on the clown makeup to get a ride from you. Apparently they pay pretty well for those stupid community posts if you get enough attention.
It doesn't feel as self righteous at least is my point. People here deeply assume themselves smarter than anyone else here.
I saw people dogpile a comment cause the first person in a chain misread it and assumed correctly and every comment trying to pull people out of the spiral was downvoted and shouted at for being wrong as they tore each other apart.
It's like chickens seeing another chicken bleeding. They don't even think before they tear their kin to shreds.
For whatever it's worth, I've had some very positive interactions on here, too. And I've seen questions answered when people needed help. And generally useful info types of posts. The comics and memes are often good (if you like those, those are not everyone's cup of tea). Anyway, it's not all jackasses all the time on Lemmy.
checks profile
I can see why you hate everyone here. 🫠
What? If you got stuff say it.
Well that's piqued my interest so I glanced over your comments. I have to point out that yes, people respond badly to you sometimes, reminding me of reddit.
You should know that you seem unaware that your comments occasionally have a pugnacious or even bellicose tone, not necessarily intentionally mind you, but noticeable. Sometimes dismissive or contemptuous attitudes leak out and hostile replies state they are responding to that. It's not simple bullying, it's buttons being pushed.
I have a different experience. I have not blocked anyone or amt instance. I am om lemmy.world, so that might be it?
I get where you're coming from. This platform made me realize once and for all that I'm not a leftist, despite thinking of myself as one for most of my adult life. But I'm definitely not a conservative either, so I'm rudderless. A lone wolf.
Anyways, to the original point, there are a lot of toxic people here. They were on Reddit too, but there was a lot more to dilute their presence. Be active with your blocklist, and use an app that allows you to filter words and instances. Those few actions will drastically change your experiences on Lemmy. It changed mine enough that I went from being an inch away from leaving forever, to actually enjoying most of my time here. And heck, I learned something about myself in the process, and continue learning every day. No sense in only being around people you agree with, that'll just stunt your growth as a person.
Well, the technical term people use for someone not left and not right, is "centrist" :D
blocking the .ml instances helps, a lot. I made the recent mistake (twice!) commenting on Lemmy.ml. over there, anything NOT praising Russia, NK, or China is hated. they're pretty smooth-brained and not worth arguing with. same with lemmygrad, same with hexbear. I'm fairly new to federation, and that was a big learning curve for me. a lot of the Europe or US based instances are way more open to hearing opinions and conversation, so I'd start there.
I'm not honestly fighting with .ml people. The people the most rude to me are .world.
I think they are just used as easy scapegoats cause they tend to be loud and passionate.
I can be in a memes thread and still have people argue in bad faith and call me a troll for asking a question about Linux. That's not .ml or hexbear.
I think it depends on the community. All the ppl at sdf.org are pretty cool though. Maybe your instaces is full of annoying people and you only see that in your feed.
Hey man they are just morons and downvotes. Being offended is simply the cost of free speach. U can choose not to give a fuck or u can choose to take it personally its up to u.
Hexbear, grad, and ml are fucked so u can disregard anything they say or do. If people arnt engaging in good faith call em out on it or just call em a cunt up to u.
I call them a cunt and I get yelled at for being unprofessional in a social media platform and I get banned for them being an an instigator that purposefully states incorrect and inflammatory things.
It has happened. I've been called a lot of things and responding to it saying it's bait from an asshole got me banned for like 7 days months ago on a lemmy.world news thread. The person got upvotes and praise for sticking up for themselves.
This platform likes the bad faith and calling them out is an attack on the in groups that like it. This is a large part here and why I think it's bad at being a welcoming community.
I want it to move in a better direction not just pretend that it's fine and ignore it. But I'm coming around to not caring. Not thinking about things seems to be standard, and safer for people's lives.
This is only a problem for you because you arnt going along with the narrative.
Stop thinking for yourself do as your told or you will be punished for your thought crimes.
In all seriousness tho i think the more people of differing political views the more the hate will be equallity divided making the pile on not as bad.
I agree. Lemmy is the most unwelcoming social media platform I’ve ever been to. It’s why I no longer recommend it to anyone. People be like, “just leave Twitter,” but then don't have the tiniest bit of tolerance for views that even slightly differ from their own. This doesn’t just apply to the comments either - my highly curated feed, with over 500 of the most toxic users blocked, still mostly consists of people complaining. Look at me; I'm complaining too.
Thats a lot of blocking lol and our monthly user counts is like 50k
Violent agreement
had an account on another server banned for saying this.
Everyone here is very disagreeable. .
.world is by far the worst for ignorant shitheads.
I’m not excluding myself , but I put opinions from a different perspective and just get slaughtered.
This is my 4 account
I clash a lot with all the terrorist simps & dictator loving Tankies, which certainly turns into idiotic arguments most of the time, but I don't think I've ever managed to get banned from a server, which really makes me wonder what those "opinions from a different perspective" are. I'm guessing Trumpanzee's and other far right goons will have an especially hard time on here.
pious centrism, where you are unable to stop yourself from casually slurring the political left and political right wont get you banned in your heroic clashes, but it does mean you come across as a bit of a twat.
In fact, my perspective is that I’m quite old and in not America, which is by no means unique but it does make me an outlier to the demographic. Hope that clears things up
Everyone feels apparently a deep seated need to be right and defend their idea of the world as if we might steal away their fantasy and make them miserable for it.
If they have an opinion on it than they are already right and anyone coming in to talk to them about it is a dangerous outsider.
Everyone is xenophobic and everyone is the other. Maybe it's not just here but man is it pretty bad here and on .world.
The most vocal use this place for escapism and don't want reality to barge into a place they designated as "safe" because it will mean their ideas and desires won't have a place to tolerate or even promote them.
It is partly this type of disconnection and despair that drives their aggression.