Online dating is essentially a startup pitch. You spend weeks reviewing 'applications,' then finally meet for an in-person 'investor meeting' to discuss potential 'synergies.' If things go well, you can initiate a merger, but if the market shifts—aka they’re not into your favorite TV shows—you’ll quietly dissolve the partnership and move on to the next opportunity.
Nobody asked, but as a gay man I exclusively refer to my husband as "my husband." I never liked the term "partner." We didn't start a business together, and we're not cops. "Life partner" bothers me less, but it still seems stilted
n+1 here, but I'm a bi woman married to a straight man and I've started using partner more recently because there's a lot of baggage in the history of power dynamics associated with the titles of husband and wife.
I also hope it makes people think for a minute if they need to ask me clarifying questions about my marriage status or sexuality/how the person I'm married to identifies.
At the same time, I totally understand the impact of not using generic words when it comes to gay marriage, where there was such a long fight to be recognized as husband and husband. So cheers to you and your husband!
Thank you, you've summed up a good clash of feelings around these terms with great economy.
When I (male) use the term wife to describe my relationship, I don't want to contribute to this feeling that I'm pulling for the default in an exclusionary kind of way. Like contributing to this cultured of presumed heteronormativity.
Better in my case to leave a little unsaid, so as to make room for other kinds of relationships.
My partner said the exact same thing. I've always preferred "partner" - it just sounds nicer, like more respectful, egalitarian. We're mixed gender so it's wife/husband, which just sounds so old-fashioned
I'm a millennial and I've always referred to my partner as such. Boyfriend and girlfriend always seemed so weirdly juvenile, and it's interesting to leave things ambiguous for people who are immediately expecting to categorise you.
Same. It's also just a better generic term. You can say "all my partners" instead of "my boyfriend, girlfriend, and wife". So much easier and still accurate.
Honestly I use partner or spouse mostly because I can't remember if fiance or fiancee is correct and it won't stick in my head properly. Calling her my girlfriend makes her feel "demoted" or something. (I'm sure that's just her joking around. Partner doesn't dictate what stage or if government paperwork has been filed.
My parents have always referred to each other as their partner, so that's what I've always done. It's just normal.
Since moving to the US people get so weird about it. I had a boss's boss ask me why I call my wife my partner in a skip-level. I was so confused I just stared at her and said "What?" It was like being ask why I think oranges are citrus fruit.
I'm an old guy. Since we (my "partner and I) are not married but have lived together for years (no common law here,) husband/wife doesn't apply. I don't know any other word to use other than partner, but it is still difficult for me to naturally say. Not sure why. Funnier (at our age) would be boyfriend and girlfriend. Uh ... no.
My spouse and I just use SO (esso) for significant other. I like it more than partner as it is explicitly a romantic or at least very important relationship.
Back in the day it did sound weird. Partner was usually a business relationship, not a romantic one, and it was almost exclusively used by the LGBT crowd.
More gender neutral terms are good, but they're still going to sound odd to folks who spent 40+ years hearing the terms used in a different way. That's just how progress goes, older folks eventually will either get used to it, or be the weird relative ignored at holidays.
I agree with this a lot.
Boyfriend or girlfriend is the person you are romantically attached to. Partner is a MUCH stronger word, it implies teamwork and shared purpose; the understanding that you have each other's backs.
There are also plenty of people who are married for whom the word partner does not apply. It's sad.
I think a lot of people reject the title 'partner' because for a very long time before gay marriage was a thing, there was only 'civil partnerships' or 'civil unions' and thus 'partner' was the only accurate term, 'wife' or 'husband' couldn't apply as they weren't legally married. So they see 'partner' as a sort of 'almost as good' runner up.
Seems weird you'd think the "end goal" of accepting people is so everyone can use boyfriend/girlfriend or whatever partner just seems so disconnected and formal
My partner is not a girl, she's a woman, and she more than a friend to me. She is my partner in life. So yes, it is more formal than "girlfriend." That's the point.
And no, I won't marry her. We're not religious, and we don't believe the government should have any input in our relationship. We'll happily have a ceremony, but she will still be my partner at the end of it.
seems like there needs to be something better/higher than partner, if partner can be thrown around so willy nilly like people working together being partners
I didn't think I was enforcing any rules just felt like people are missing out on something special, it's not like there hasn't been a long fight to get equal marriage rights