Take it from me op. Drop the imposter stuff in your relationship, that can kill a relationship. I very nearly lost my wife early on because "I just can't believe you want to be with me". That isn't attractive.
They like you, that's why they're with you. They weren't tricked, you didn't fool them, they like you. Who you are. All you gotta do is like them back :)
The best way to deal with imposter syndrome is to remember what got you here. All the things you do and did that other people can't or aren't willing to do.
I know a girl who just left her boyfriend because he didn't show affection, didn't try on dates, and just stopped trying altogether. Imagine the average person, then 50% of them being worse than that. Surely we can convince ourselves we're above average if only slightly.
How long I've been single
I have never been in a relationship in my 36 years, in my daily life I feel secure, but I am fucking terrified when I think about finding a partner, I am interested in finding one as I am getting pissed at allways being alone, but I have no idea on where to start.
It's almost impossible to find someone these days. Social media made people a lot more picky and everyone is trying to find the perfect person that doesn't exist. Apps like tinder ruined it even more.
I have been single since 20 year so yeah it sucks
Same
Posting things online.
I have no "traditional" social media accounts, and over half the comments I type here I delete without posting. I don't like people judging me & talking behind my back, so my introvert tendencies include semi anonymous things like Lemmy.
what about what people say about you IRL behind your back?
I have a mild speech impairment. I don't stutter on a daily basis but when I'm under heavy stress or when I'm tired I tend to stutter-ish. On top of that I live in a country where I don't speak in my native language and sometimes I feel self-conscious about small mistakes I make (like using the wrong word or messing up the grammar) which induces the stress response. It's not a big deal but it makes me crazy when I can't express my thoughts in public.
people who shit on people for imperfect language are insecure assholes.
it's just as stupid online when people grammar police you for written words.
I have this mildly interesting story. When I moved to Australia I've shipped whole bunch of things by sea to cut the cost. It took months to arrive but when I finally got here I had to pick up my stuff from a storage location. The best part is that because I'm a white guy the person who was designed to handle the forklift (also white) was more than helpful (despite my accent and some grammar issues). But once the delivery guys arrived (mostly middle east) he turned into racist asshole. And the "best" part was that I was part of his racial slurs, mostly because I wasn't using proper grammar...
I don't mean to belittle your feelings about it, but I would find that cute af. There are certainly people around you that would feel the same.
Well, sometimes I get away with some petty wrongdoings just because I stutter. And I've learned it to use it for my advantage. Just to be clear, I'm not abusing this "power", it's mostly "organic".
my ethics
Work ethics or moral ethics?
both :(
Everything, but specially my ability yo make decisions.
It doesn't matter what we are talking about. You just have to say "Are you sure?" to make me feel insecure about any topic, at work, home or with friends. And, of course, then every bad consequence is my fault.
I would feel insecure anyways, but i can usually control my feelings. Say that sentence and i struggle even to walk.
are you sure?
Teeth. Many years of poor dental hygiene.
I guess mental health. I am all kinds of fucked up.
'The woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those who sang the best.'
My weight fluctuates. Sometimes I bloat up from medicine. Sometimes I can't eat and lose weight. I can't seem to just be me and be happy and have people like me no matter what my weight is. It is really frustrating going through your whole life hating your body because of external standards.
"Don't care what other people think."
Ok yeah well when you feel like people stare at you and silent judge you all the time, and internally you do the same thing to others and hate yourself even more for being part of the problem.
It's constant brainwashing of the 'ideal body' when the reality is people come in all shapes and sizes. It's hard to change that mindset when all the ads you see around you tell you differently.
I never feel like I fit in clothing wise no matter what. I've figured out a way to make a lot of pocket money and I continually buy clothes and shoes in the hopes that one day I feel right but I seldom do.
May I ask your body type? You don't have to answer here if you don't want to, but I have daughters of various shapes but similar sizes, might be able to help. I am literally more confident naked than in badly fitting clothes, you are not crazy. Those pictures you see online are tailored and styled, not off the rack. And often photoshopped as well.
The FDA will hate me for sharing this with you, but when I feel that way, it’s usually because I’ve gained some weight, or feel bloated, and the only things that seem to help are ivermectin and pyrantel. I don’t know if that’s how you feel in terms of clothes not fitting right, but if so, I hope it helps!
I'm actually on a medication that is used for weight loss and lost a TON of weight. But you never feel fully skinny with large breasts.
big billowy clothing is in right now. it's not supposed to 'fit'.
I just feel all boobs in it.
Not getting enough updootes.
Irrationally insecure? My weight, or more accurately, my size. I was an eating disordered teen, still get stress anorexia, but even when healthy and relaxed my mind just thinks I am too big, when objectively and logically I know I am in great shape for someone with kids and over half a century of years. I feel fat unless underweight.
Rationally insecure? I don't trust my job or the economy overall. Have been homeless and so poor, dug out of it and doing great but I am not relaxed about it at all. I don't think that's irrational though.
That some people are irreparably broken and I’m one of them.
a lot of people just refuse to fix their shit and take responsibility for their actions. you don't have to be one of them
That's not what they mean. People who think they are broken will have been dealt a bad hand in life and our society's fundamental statute of "treat everyone the same by being equally shitty to everyone" means the same shit hits harder for the people with the bad hand and when they see other people with a better hand managing to deal with it they start to think that something is wrong with them.
That or a basic preconception of who/what/where they should be in life that they find themselves either not achieving or veering away from. It's that old "be a man" bullshit with a very strict view of what a "man" is and not enough wiggle room to accommodate who they really are.
You ever think maybe you don't have imposter syndrome? You're just telling yourself you do because it feels like it, but you actually don't have it at all.
Yup, I'm just an actual imposter
Sus
Gasp! It's actually imposter imposter syndrome!
I get called judgemental all the time. I have on idea why. I don't judge anyone. And yet.... they judge me as judgemental.
It drives me nuts. I think it's just my face and the fact I don't smile constantly. It also makes socializing very difficult, because I only tend to get along with very secure chill folks... which there aren't many of in the world. I often have people blow up at me for 'being mean to them' even though I have said nothing to them and didn't even notice them.
You've heard of resting bitch face. I have angry dad voice. I always sound like I'm barking orders.
Random thought: find some YouTubers who have Autism, watch a few videos, and see if you can strongly relate. If you do relate, it might be something worth exploring.
What do you got?
Feminine hips and high waist?
femboys are in rn
So is John Mulaney. Again. Yass.
Being overly secure can be a problem too... I'm quite secure, because I've gone out of my way to work on insecurities. Buuut this has the consequence of insecure people seeing me as arrogant 🤷
I have imposter syndrome in life. I constantly feel like having to behave in a way I’m not. I’m often times scared in the public in fear of embarrassment or whatever. Certain scenarios already make me freak out in my head before they even have a chance to occur. I keep on not … living … enjoying life. always fearsome of bad things to happen in the future, not giving myself time and room to grieve. My last relationship took my belief that everything is going to be fine, and I was kinda bitter before that already.
I also have imposters at work esp. because I don’t have any degree whatsoever to prove that I know what I am doing, but since it’s worked out for a couple of years that is kind of the least worry most of the time.
Looks. Never liked the face, I always look tired or otherwise scary. I'm absolutely blessed to have a preference in living my own life, I can't imagine trying dating or anything.
My singleness. I know the problem is me but I can't seem to be the person people want.
Maybe it's not that you can't be what someone else wants, but that you aren't finding or building relationships with the people that would want you. There are so many people with such vasts tastes, that there is someone for everyone, even serial killers or 40 year olds that dress in diapers. Whatever you are, there are people that are looking for that. It's a matter of finding and building a relationship with them. ♥️
Life. Only death is safe.
