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Weddings.
Yes, It IS a big day. It's not such a big day that you spend your entire life savings, and have no future.
Get a DJ, get a cake, get a hall, get a photographer.......forget the doves, forget the ice sculptures, forget the wedding planner, forget the genocidial mimes, forget the big limo, keep it small. Do you really need to invite your great aunt, who you've seen 3 times in your life?
You should NOT be spending like $20,000 on a wedding.
The genocidal mimes are non negotiable
I know right...we HAVE to have standards
out of the loop, what are genocidal mimes?
It's right there on the tin
$20k?
Damn dude, all my friends getting married are spending a minimum of $50k. $15k gets you the venue for the night without anything else included or factored in (food, music, fucking chairs or tables or lights, etc)
Weddings are a predatory business.
I can get a venue for like $200. What are you guys renting??? The Royal Palace???
Venues (and other services) usually jack the prices way up when the word Wedding is involved. Which makes sense since weddings typically don't have a lot of room for errors.
It varies a LOT regionally.
Look for a venue in Maryland, you know, with DC right there.
I have a friend who's entire wedding was the same price as a venue in Maryland.
We got married in DC and saved so much money on locations. We booked the Jefferson memorial 6 months in advance for like $50 (saved a couple thousand), and a boathouse on the Potomac for $800 (saved 8-20 grand) because we knew someone - wedding still cost like 33k. We were so cognizant of cost too - no flowers at all, DJ instead of a band, bought our own booze, etc.
I think people don't realize how much more expensive cities are, and also do a terrible job accounting for all the true costs of things. Food was obviously the bulk of it and other big things like booze, rings... But I kept impeccable records, and what really added up was the little $100 here, $300 there things. Hotel and plane tickets for destitute father-in-law, all the meals at restaurants you're taste testing to see if you wanna have the rehearsal dinner there, tips, food while the bridal party is getting ready, gifts for bridal party, the officiant, etc etc.
I wouldn't trade it for the money back because I'm notoriously cheap, so I pinched and saved and was super proud of our wedding's price to quality ratio, but I'd be lying if I said the final tally wasn't super painful and didn't delay our house a bit. It worked out in the end, though. Thanks interest rates!
Yeah, people definitely don't understand that you can cut so much and bargain hunt the whole thing and still spend 15-20k. That's a"cheap" wedding. The average in my area is 33k. That's not because people are just spending frivolously and don't budget, that's because every single aspect of a wedding is expensive. Hell, tipping out the bar staff and photographer alone is expensive.
Skip it if you want, but even as a very frugal person, I'm very happy we had a huge party with lots of food and an open bar. It's worth it to spend money on life rites. Life rites are like half the point of being human!
If you don't care about celebrating with friends and family, don't spend the money, but for us sharing the day with the people we love and merging our families was important.
We got out cheap at about $25… we had a smaller (100 person) wedding, went budget on the food, had a DJ, cake, etc. (basically just what the OP said), and we were still hand crafting stuff to reduce the cost. Shit is fucking expensive.
$25 is cheap, imagine one that costs a whole fifty dollars /s
A friend of mine donned his nicest clothes and went down to the courthouse with his fiance and a couple of witnesses. I mentioned this to my sister, and she mentioned that in retrospect, she wished she'd done something similar when she got married.
Did the same, then went out for a nice meal, weddings are a complete waste of money.
Spent less than 1k, no real honeymoon...but we bought our first house with the money we saved. 0 regrets.
This. This right here.
Couple goals.
My brother's father-in-law had offered to pay up to $15,000 for his daughter's wedding. He gave them the option of taking it all in cash and then getting a courthouse wedding so they could have a nest egg to grow, or spend it all on the wedding of his fiancée's dreams, or anywhere in between.
She opted to spend it all on the wedding. 😒 My gawd did that piss me off.
I laugh when I hear some couple spent $20k on their wedding but can’t buy a house. Dude, that could have been your down payment wtf.
I mean...yes and no. A down payment for a single family home in today's market is many orders of magnitude more expensive than $20k. But I agree that weddings are too expensive. Just have a small party and use that money elsewhere.
I'm in agreement except for the wedding planner. Whether they help with the planning from day one or are just the day-of coordinator, a good wedding planner is worth their weight in gold. I'd rather plug an old mp3 player into a portable speaker and skip the DJ before I recommend skipping out on the planner.
Oh, by DJ, yeah, thats all he'd be doing is controlling the winamp playlist basically.
And a wedding planner I don't see as being needed.
Step 1) rent local venue.
Step 2) ask cousin to be DJ.
Step 3) pick up cake from dairy queen.
Step 4) Flowers??? I'm sure the florist can figure something out.
Thats about it.
eh, as a photographer that works weddings, any wedding without a planner is hell for me. i might actually just say no if that's the case.
if you hire people to work it you should have a person who can be their go to while you are getting married.
if you go for an event like you describe people will be unhappy at the lack of food and leave after not long. if that's what you want, good for you. go for it. if you want people to stick around and have a good time, you need to feed them. that's expensive, even if you somehow make it all yourself with food from the farmers market, it's still going to be over a thousand dollars for most people. again, unless you only invite like five people, but most people care about more than 5 people. throwing a big party of any kind isn't cheap unless you throw a terrible party.
you don't have to have a traditional wedding at all though. my sister got married during COVID in her backyard on video call. it was lovely. a big beautiful wedding with lots of people is also lovely and uniquely fun. just don't let you relatives pressure you into things you don't want. there's where it always goes wrong.
Don't take a loan either.
Our wedding was under 5k, excluding dress and suit. Immediate family and close friends only, less than 40 people. Major expenses were the photographer, food and booze. We rented a cheap, small place in the countryside, we planned and did everything else ourselves, having a kanban board in the kitchen for a year was fun! My wife even did the cakes herself because she's an amazing amateur pastry chef. No DJ, but I spent months on and off curating a playlist with a good flow and steadily increasing intensity.
It was the perfect wedding. Huge amount of work but 100% worth it.
We spent less than 10k on our wedding and only invited close family. Did most of it ourselves. It was the best day ever!
Go, and preach this gospel to SE asian families, I beg you.
Getting away with a wedding for under 80k sometimes is considered "cheap" by those standards. And you absolutely must invite your third cousin once removed and your nextdoor neighbor who you hate. You see him every day afterall!
We had our wedding at our house in the backyard, no DJ, a discounted cake from my wife's work (a bakery), catering from a BBQ place. Still ended up costing just about 2k, after food, flowers, and rented tables and chairs.
Here's my pro tip.
You want a unique picturesque wedding on a budget?
National Parks in the US. If you keep your guest list under 50 people, you can get married anywhere in the park, provided you don't block access, put up decorations, or damage the park, and it's free! If you have more than 50 people, you need a permit, and those are raffled off per day, and almost no one uses them.
I got married on the bluffs overlooking Little Hunter's Beach in Acadia National Park. The drive, food, and lodging for my wedding there cost less than the first payment for the venue of my "local" ceremony in my home city, which we ended up canceling anyway.
If you do get a permit, are you allowed to put up decorations?
I think that depends on the location. Parks may have their own specific rules.
Absolutely! Making it memorable and fun does not mean making it expensive. Cut whatever you can't afford, do not take out a loan to cover anything. Then cut anything that isn't meaningful to you and your partner.
A wedding planner is helpful if you don't have a trusted and naturally organized friend who volunteers to handle details for you.
I'd also recommend taking a local honeymoon.
We bought a house, had the wedding in backyard for $10K, we put it all on credit cards for the sign up bonuses and had a 2 week honeymoon to Europe staying in 5 star hotels and first class flights all for $1,300 in signup fees.
My wife and I spent $350 altogether for the paperwork and an officiant. We eloped beneath a tree in a park with her family present, and afterward I returned my dress shirt to Walmart for a refund. I will never regret how low-class that was.
We've been married now for ten years.
Mine cost $150. $70 for the license and $80 for the JP to do their thing.
I'm sure JP stands for something reasonable, and that makes sense, but my mind struggles against itself, and all I can imagine is it stands for "Japanese" and also my brain things "Jurassic Park".
So even though I'm 100% confident that this DIDN'T happen, I'm just imagining your wedding, with people sitting down, waiting for the bride to walk the isle......meanwhile, over by the other side of the room are bunch of Japanese cosplayers all recreating scenes from Jurassic Park. Complete with inflatable dinosaurs and .wav files of dinosaur sounds.
All the while your guest list is like "WTF is even happening over there???"
I'm sorry. I don't know what ACTUALLY happened at your wedding, but it would have been a HUGE upgrade if you had dinosaur fights, and Japanese cosplayers.
Use that money for a honeymoon instead.