Welcome to the first (unofficial) Bad Writing Prompt day of the Beehaw Writing instance!
I've been reading a bit on the instance, and I agree with the consensus that we're going to need something weekly to bring and keep a community together. So I'm doing my part!
Wait, what do you mean by bad writing prompts?
Partially inspired by this post here.
“Don’t try to prove you’re a good writer, you’ll never write anything. Try to prove you’re a bad writer and you’ll write everything.”
So, here's my general idea. For now, I'll be posting 3 different things.
Bad Character Ideas
Bad Setting Ideas
Bad Plot Ideas
For you to mix, match and use as you please! Again, I'm writing this off the cuff and with 20 minutes before work, so apologies for the short post, but without any more delay, here's what I got for you all!
Bad Character Ideas
The disgruntled younger sibling of the "Chosen One"
A food critic who actually suffers from no sense of taste, getting by on charisma and faking it alone
A magical anime girl who has a strange hobby and obsession with taxidermy (Thanks to my coworker for giving me this one haha)
Bad Setting Ideas
Cowboys and digimon. How that works I have no clue. Just. Cowboys and digimon combined. If you do this you have my eternal gratitude.
Told entirely through the lens of the endless blurb you skip before a recipe.
An office building set within purgatory itself.
Bad Plot Ideas
The main character has traveled back in time to kill Hitler. Little do they know is Hitler is now a skilled killer of time travelers.
A love story where two people are fated to be with one other, lest the world end. They hate each other.
A heist on the Vatican vault.
Alright, I'm running out of time, and need to skip off to work. Hope to see some posts, and remember to make it awful. I want some real schlock and cringe. Feel free to use all of the prompts, or none of them! Your reward will be nothing. Ciao ciao!
My older sister had a wild life. I don't envy her, I wouldn't have been able to survive; but thinking of her always makes me think of the Strudel we ate growing up in Salzburg.
Alas, she is with us no longer, but she killed many men in her early twenties. Which is exactly what this dish will do - it'll kill; at your next party or Sunday supper ~!
Murderers from the future were trying to kill dear A. but by God's grace, the first of them was an idiot and she stole his device. She hired a nanny to stand in her place during the usual hours she'd be alone and vulnerable, and would be able to document her poor child's murders, and then go back herself to intercept the killers, no matter how well trained and prepared they were. Well, now onto the recipé ~
I honestly enjoyed this. Super cool to see you blend two of the ideas together. It honestly took far longer than I'd like to admit to realise who "A" was referring to, lmao.
"I must admit," admitted Bob, "That I'd never thought it would come to this."
"I didn't think it would come to this either." Alice repeated.
"I have something to confess". Confessed Bob.
"Oh! Why, in fact I wanted to confess something too!" Responded Alice.
"Well out with it." Spat Bob, "I'm not waiting for the figurative and/or literal end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it to end before you say it."
Alice made a face. Bob had seen faces before. He had seen Alice's face before. But not this face. This face was one he had not seen before.
"I refuse." Shouted Alice angrily. She made another face that was different to the face she just made, that Bob also had not seen before. She was going to continue, but Bob interrupted her with a question that moved to the top of his thoughts.
"Why?" Bob asked, as calmly as he could - which was very calm, going off what Dumbledore asked Harry Potter, in the movie, 'Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire'. He though the book should have followed the source much more closely though.
"Why?" Alice repeatedly repeated.
Feelings were things women had. Alice was a woman. Therefore she had feelings. Her feelings told her to shout at Bob. She thought about it for an moment, and then shouted at Bob. Angrily. Very angrily. She said "Because my feelings are telling me to say this."
They made up, and the world-as-they-knew-it did not end, it continued.
Feelings were things women had. Alice was a woman. Therefore she had feelings. Her feelings told her to shout at Bob. She thought about it for an moment, and then shouted at Bob. Angrily. Very angrily. She said “Because my feelings are telling me to say this.”
Alice made a face. Bob had seen faces before. He had seen Alice's face before. But not this face. This face was one he had not seen before.
Love the repetition in this paragraph too, like bad poetry, and breaks the show, don't tell rule so much that the shattered pieces become a thing of beauty.
BWUAHAHAHAH I love this! You understood the assignment in and out. I almost hope to see Bob and Alice as reoccuring characters if I keep this up. I want to see more awful non-arguments and Woman Emotions
I learned from the best: Anton Ego, Pete Wells, Anthony Bourdain. Every column is a story, complete with heroes and villains, intrigue and gossip. The food? The food is just an excuse.
When Verguenza opened in New York, I was sent to cover it. The young prodigy, Sterling Rivera, had just left a stint at the celebrated Farmhouse Inn after a spectacular conflagration with the head chef. Sources say the argument centered around the restaurant's famed Gorgonzola Mac. Rivera is reported to have thrown a carbon steel skillet clear across the kitchen, screaming that his genius was being wasted on "shit Kraft casserole". The new restaurant was supposed to be a statement by the critically acclaimed youngster -- proof that he could revolutionize the world of fine dining with a global, no-holds-barred approach.
The only meal available at Verguenza is a four-course, prix fixe dinner. The courses change nightly, depending on the seasonality of rutabaga, the availability of jamon iberico pata negra, and, most importantly, the temperament of the chef. In the restaurant, the guest is never handed a menu. They are simply promised "a delightful surprise". Rumors abound among chefs about Rivera's legendary commitment to perfection. It is said that if salad is served as a course, the chef at the grill station was likely fired that night. The chefs I've spoken to describe an intense, militant culture to Rivera's kitchen. They say that no one lists Verguenza on their resume unless they stay for more than a year. Leaving before then means only one thing: you were lacking.
I can happily report that none of the dishes served to me were salad. In fact, the menu was remarkably creative, and lived up to its billing. Rivera himself came out from the kitchen to introduce the meal. In his words, the meal was a "voyage across continents and worlds, inspired by the work of Salvador Dali, the absurd made mundane". The first course was a hamachi ceviche cured with yuzu and citron foam. It left a delightfully zippy taste that quickly faded into effervescence. Next came a lightly chilled soup described as pumpkin gazpacho. It perfectly prepared the palate for the main course, a seared filet of alligator served on a bed of peppery spring greens. Finally, the biggest surprise of the meal was final course: candied ants. Several of the diners recoiled when presented with the crystalline nugget meant to evoke arthropods trapped in amber. Four actually walked out of the restaurant. However, for those brave enough to partake, this dessert was a singularly spectacular treat. I can only hope that this dessert makes a return to the menu soon, though based on the chef's penchant for switching things up, the odds are slim. I left the restaurant with high hopes for the future of fine dining. Rivera, at least, is not content leaving things to the status quo.
Honestly, I can hardly choose my favourite line in this whole thing. I love it so much, more-so as someone who is working in white tablecloth dining (thankfully all the chefs here are lovely and sane).
The courses change nightly, depending on the seasonality of rutabaga, the availability of jamon iberico pata negra, and, most importantly, the temperament of the chef.
I had to choose one but overall, just. Mwah. I love the entire thing, I was genuinely laughing through the whole thing. Thanks so much!
On the non comedy side, I really like the opening too. How it colours the rest of the story, where the drama is the interest rather than the food. God damn, I ask for bad writing and people come in here giving some great stuff.
I have been overlooked my entire life. I have lived in the shadow of my brother. By the age of two he was reciting poetry and reading ancient philosophy, while I was playing with blocks and learning to speak. My parents favored him and showered him with their love and praise while I was left to fend for myself. By the age of ten he had been granted a seat on NCWP, the National Council for Worldwide Peace, which oversaw the direction of the country and its relations with the other nations. I was trying to find where my next meal came from as our parents seemingly forgot they had another child.
I’ve cut ties with all of them and for the past ten years have been living in the streets honing my skills to one day get back at them. Yet, no matter what idea I had, there always seemed to be a perfect response from my brother, even though he should have had no idea what I was planning. At times it almost felt like he was having me tailed or was inside my head reading my thoughts, it was unnerving to say the least.
I had given up on getting back at my family, as it seemed no matter what, there was nothing I could do. I couldn’t go and ask for forgiveness as I’m sure they forgot that I even existed. One day, however, I saw a picture of my brother plastered all over the front page of the newspapers, he was surrounded by a group of people all smiling and laughing. One headline read “YOUNGEST PERSON CHOSEN AS POPE” and another read “NEW POPE CONSIDERED THE CHOSEN ONE”. I couldn’t believe it, my family wasn’t even religious, how on Earth did my brother become the Pope. I grabbed one of the papers and read through the article. In it I saw that apparently the “chosen one” was so well loved and respected that he united all religions and peoples and brought about world peace. World peace? Where was my peace, I was thrown to the side and forgotten by this so-called “chosen one”! I was forced to steal and scrape by to survive while those people lived in the lap of luxury, how could they say they united all people when I was still left out?
A thought pierced my mind. They have left me out and forced me to steal to survive. Why shouldn’t I use those skills to steal back what I am owed for my miserable existence? If peace had truly come to the world, then where was my olive branch? Where was my unity? The only way I could be whole once more is to inflict as much chaos as I could, and the only way I knew how to do that was to take everything from my “brother”. After this I will no longer be overlooked, I will be known by everyone as the only person in history to steal from the sacred Vatican vaults and bring down the “chosen one”.
Morgiedama here, apparently this is the start of my villain arc.
Goth magical girl is the younger sister of the leader of her particular squad of girl power heroes and puts up with being dragged along for the heroics.
But the setting is more of a wild-west-themed fantasy world, and has the magical equivalent of Digimon (perhaps they are fey creatures instead of digital creatures)
Their adventures lead them to needing to conduct a raid against the vault of the biggest church of the lands, where they fight off a powerful (but misguided) young priest.
One of the items they successfully raid is a scroll with a prophecy that seems to indicate that the heroic older sister is supposed to fall in love with that same young priest and have a child who will be the final key to saving the world against [Threat]. But the two of them hate each other now.
Twist: Goth girl thinks that priest boy is kind of hot.
I also cross-posted this idea and thread to Royal Road here.
Oh god. Now I want to write this so badly. You monster. I was meant to be tricking everyone here into writing for ME!!! Not the other way round!! You scoundrel!!
Emo-chan wrapped her arm with an ace bandage. She'd underestimated her prey, and now she was on the defensive. Sirens blared across the alley, as she deftly hid from flashlights searching for her. She could hear the regiment commander barking orders. "Finde das magische Mädchen! Der Führer verlangt es!" She was lucky, the rain would mask her scent and keep the dogs at bay, but she wasn't willing to give up her prize - the ultimate trophy. She pulled out her raven wand and began casting a spell. "I call upon the power of emotion! Despondent blade!" A purple glowing magic circle appeared in front of her on the cobblestone street, and a sword of black energy, emminating a bright pink aura emerged from it. She grasped the sword in her good arm and the magic circle crackled and then faded away.
She darted out from the alley and found the nearest soldiers, slicing through them. The blade passed through them, and the men fell to their knees and cried out. Though no injuries were visible, they suffered intense emotional trauma and quickly passed out. Emo chan quickly dispatched the remaining members of the contingent and made her way back to the central administration building. She has lost the element of surprise when her first assault had failed, so she figured she might as well try the direct approach. As she made her way down the hall, she couldn't help but admire the trophies along the hallway. The Cyber dragon in particular was impressive, retaining the semblance of life she so revered in her own works. If only the artist wasn't a Nazi, perhaps she could have taken the time to meet them and discuss thier interests.
She came to the main conference room, where she had first arrived. It was a poor decision in hindsight, appearing in front of the target and assuming the shock would make him an easy mark. She didn't realize he wasn't just her pray, but a fellow game hunter, and time traveler.
"Du Narr! Hast du wirklich geglaubt, du könntest mich besiegen?" Emo-chan turned to see her target, standing across the room, a large gauge rifle in his hand. She chuckled and smiled at him "I don't know what you just said, but let me guess, something along the lines of "I am all powerful! You could never defeat me!" Hitler smirked. "You think you are the first? I have slain many hunters before you. You will soon be another trophy in that hall, part of mein menagerie." She raised her sword in front of her face and began chanting. The sword's aura changed, and a deep green hue began to emanate from it. "Power of emotion - Terror, Awakened!" A pulse of energy began emitting from the blade, creating an enormous pressure wave. Hitler struggled to maintain his stance, as the energy wave pushed on him. The final battle was about to begin.
Noooo you cut it off at the best part!!! The destined battle between the time traveling magical girl Emo-Chan and her greatest enemy, Adolf Hitler.
Also, I unironically love the take you made on emo magical girl. Outside of the context, of, uh, Nazi Germany, I think the power of "deep emotional trauma blade" is just genuinely the funniest thing I've read in a while. It's like shoots beam that gives you anxiety level funny to me.
Also, I was 100% on board during the first paragraph. Not just for a laugh, but genuinely just intrigued to see where it was going. Don't you know this is meant to be bad writing? (Seriously though, great job!)
as you notice I shoehorned your points / requirements in later to make it even worse
Bad Character Ideas
He was called the great terraformer. Since he never had gone outside and touched grass, he became frightful of any kind of insect or living thing that he was NOT isolated from through a wall of concrete. That is why he formed the world according to his will: the forests where converted to deserts -- no more insects to interrupt him. The towns where covered with walls of all shapes and sizes. Brick or Concrete where the material used. In premium cases Granite. Human activity had to spread to the farthest reaches of nature, to wall of and isolate nature from human activity.
he did originally quite poorly by being the previously mentioned bad food critic.
he earned very little money, but won a lottery, which enabled him to become powerful.
By using his charisma, combined with his lucky wealth, he became the worlds first global emperor.
Bad Setting Ideas (connected to the above)
The terraformer has done his work and covered the world with a setting of his antinatural ideology. The hero of the story loves walls, but also loves nature (he is a moss biologist, so moss is his favorite living thing). So he starts growing moss on all the walls in sufficiently shadowy and wet regions of the world that still remain. He breeds a new kind of moss, that spreads beautiful flowers, hidden, but present to the homeless people, who live in these places.
the special moss starts to grow in a moldy place: The "Origin" house. The house -- an officebuilding in the epicenter of hell, as the homeless call it, where the great terraformer lived before becoming the global emperor.
Bad Plot Ideas
Another (homeless) hero called Hobo is inspired by the flowers and starts to use his bare hands tear the walls down (he is a mutant). Flowers spread everywhere, sickening THE great terraformer, who sends his shadow legion to stop him. But it is in vain. Some things (like the decline of an evil empire) can not be stopped, as he will soon have to accept.
as the world of the great terraformer ends (in his personal view of course) he falls in love with Hobo.
The disgruntled younger sibling of the “Chosen One”
What do you mean by bad idea?! this is a great idea! Admittedly you are aiming for a comedy of some sort, or a subversion of Fate, or are otherwise deliberately flipping a trope, but this makes a great idea for a potentially interesting character point of view. Same with the Taxidermy-obsessed medical girl. I want to read a story about a goth magical girl now, I'm already sold.
Cowboys and digimon.
Well, Jim Butcher already did The Lost Roman Legion and Pokemon (the series is called Alera), I don't see why this couldn't work.
And aren't all office buildings already an extension of purgatory? ;)
The love story feels too much like some bad anime tropes, I wouldn't want to read that. A heist on the Vatican vault on the other hand, that sounds interesting.
That's the ones that provoke some thought in me.
And if no one writes about the goth magical girl, I might do it myself.
Adding on- I believe you could make the "have to be married but hate one another" trope well if you made both the characters as adults. It'd be a nice way to wrestle with the themes of what we have to give up as individuals for the world around us. Though the trope itself seems more commonly used as an "enemies to lovers" thing, which can have it's place (if very much overdone at this point).
Hate to love is the harder sell generally, unless the hate is built on misunderstandings. But that's sort of been overdone too.
My serial starts off with a circumstantial convenient marriage rather than love, but at least it kicks off with everyone trying to make it work.
Honestly, I was going to try and trope-flip some of the Harem sub-tropes, but I found that just having three people was enough and nixed the idea of adding more romances to the group.