Matchless in the Digital Age

Don't use dating apps, they're not worth your time.

If you're a guy you're going to be doing all of the messaging and conversational work almost all of the time.

Just go get a hobby that involves meeting up with people and something will happen organically. Also you'll be happier and get better interpersonal skills.

But all of my hobbies are total sausage fests
- But make friends with someone that has female friends.
  
  That's the only route in, in that case.
- Might be worthwhile to investigate if you like sausage then...
- What are your hobbies if you don't mind me asking?
It’s how I kinda met my girlfriend and our 1 year anniversary is coming up in a few month so I must be doing something right

But we had two college classes and we’re both like “this person is so weird I should hang out with them” and we had a lot in common and eventually our friendship turned into dating

Try being on the apps for a year without a match. Really helps boost the old self esteem.

Nothing brings you back down to earth quite like dating apps.
Do young people not go places to meet new people anymore? I haven't been single since dating apps got real popular, but I still feel most people who partner up probably aren't meeting on the Internet.

I haven't been single in a long time, but any time I go out there always seems to be single women looking for company, at least enough to try hitting on a dude with a ring.
- Less walkable communities, less free time, and more remote work lead to isolation. Our capitalist society was not designed for meeting people, it was designed to make people work
- Where exactly am I supposed to meet people, the grocery store? I could go to bars but I don't drink. People always say to join groups or meet people through hobbies but all of my hobbies are complete sausage fests. Dating people you work with is usually a bad idea but that doesn't matter anyways because almost all of the people I work with are men. People say just meet more friends but I already have more friends than I can keep up with. Actually most of those friends are even women. But none of them are around my age, single, and interested in dating me.
  
  I'm starting to become convinced that single women who are my age don't actually exist. I'm not sure what bank vault the government is keeping them locked up in but it certainly isn't anywhere I go. The dating app minefield is the only place I've even been able to find women who are around my age. Like I legitimately don't know where they all go. It's baffling. They just don't seem to exist anywhere outside of dating apps.
- It’s a matter of perceived convenience and a low threshold I guess. A dating app needs you to be strong and put yourself out there once and after that you’re automatically presenting yourself to possible partners indefinitely. And you can do it from home. Less work, less anxiety, basically no effect when getting rejected because you don’t even know.
Pretty much all of the dating apps are owned by the same company and they're all a scam. They want your to pay to subscribe and then pay to boost your account or they're otherwise practically useless.
Thousands of potential matches took one look and realized you were too amazing for them to have a chance, decided they'd rather swipe left than be swiped left on, or see the disappointment in your eyes when you met.

I’m tall, attractive, have a great job and own a house, and I still don’t get matches. Once I gave up and started looking in real life I didn’t have a problem.

I don’t trust apps because they have a vested interest in keeping you swiping.

Also, there is a culture of not being satisfied. It's kinda like a gambling. "This one is nice, but maybe I can do better" and people keep rolling through people they would be good with, because they're looking for perfection. There are so many offers after all and besides, it works in the movies and the television series! There must be that one perfect soulmate and nothing else can be there in this world.
- I’d say it’s not even delusional thinking like that. It’s “all I have to go by is a picture and a description, and nothing stands out to me.” Add in the existing heavy weight in availability in one direction for women looking for men and you get a situation where a catch is meh.
  
  The best trick to getting dates in my experience has been to make people who could be attracted to you feel good when they’re around you. No tinder profile will make you feel good.
- I think xkcd did a "what if" about finding your soulmate. from what I remember, if you were on a conveyor belt, seeing ten people a second, and you'd know your soulmate the instant you set eyes on them, it would take 20 years on average to find them.
  
  edit: my numbers were a little off. here is the actual page
- Imagine how many matches a good looking girl gets. It's not even like this can't be true, because they can literally go through thousands of matches. And since you just see the photos and profile they can pretty much filter everything out that doesn't fit a high standard. That's literally the system of apps like this. Why settle for some average guy, who might or might not be nice, when they have tons of above average looking people to choose from?
  
  Not that it's impossible for average guys on those apps, but the chances are just low because of those facts, as even average girls will have so much more matches than them. One can try, if they dare. But I'd stick to something like local interest groups. At least that gives you some sort of basis / topic to learn to know each other, without immediately going for the goal of finding your dream partner. And even if that doesn't turn out to be more, you could still end up making some good friends, which is also a very healthy thing that a lot of people need.

5'7" for fail units.

Literally just a bit under average height unless anon is Dutch or something.
- OP is single because he's an absurdly large hobbit

I've always found to have more luck on dating sites like Plenty of Fish and OKcupid than I do on the more modern dating apps.

I don't know if any of them do this today, but I really liked the ones that had personality quizzes and matched people to you via personal compatibility.

Those personality tests netted me several relationships and 2 consecutive marriages.

To me, I see that as highly effective.

I want one based of Spotify recommendations.
- That's actually a really good idea.
  
  You can tell a lot about a person by the flavor of their earworms.
- There is one that does that but its mostly focused towards alt/goth/metal people.
OkCupid is terrible, it's basically just Tinder at this point, in fact the literally all owned by the same company anyway.
- That's really sad to hear. It was a uniquely user driven platform back in the day.
  
  Its fall was like when pre-2023 Reddit became modern Reddit.

What's khv?

Kissless, handhold-less, virgin
- And he's worried about that at 19? Gotta bump those numbers up. Those are rookie numbers. Wait until you're 40 and in the same boat.
Kissless, Hugless, Virgin or Kissless, Handhold-less, Virgin. (Khhv = kissless, hugless, handhold-less, virgin)
- I lost my virginity with 17. They need to learn some patience because finding people just gets worse the older you get and 19 is still way too young to radicalize themselves into some sort of incel. For Americans, half of them lose their virginity between 16-20 years, with 90% of them until they're 22, so if he's 19 then he's still completely in the average statistics. And if he doesn't manage to find a girlfriend by his 30s, then it's very likely not his looks that are the issue here.