The Onion @midwest.social RmDebArc_5 @sh.itjust.works 3d ago

Pentagon Warns China Developing Love, The Greatest Weapon Of All

theonion.com Pentagon Warns China Developing Love, The Greatest Weapon Of All

ARLINGTON, VA—In a high-level alert that revealed a geo-political rival of the United States could soon become the first nation capable of wielding the most powerful force in the universe, the Pentagon warned Friday that China was actively developing love, the greatest weapon of all. The alert, issu...

The Onion and other satire w/ layers @sh.itjust.works RmDebArc_5 @sh.itjust.works 3d ago

theonion.com /pentagon-warns-china-developing-love-the-greatest-weapon-of-all/

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21 comments

Love is all you need
- Is that the love between a man and a woman, or the love of a man for a fine Cuban cigar?
  
  Depends what the meaning of "is" is.
NOTICE:

同志们，

爱国爱党爱主席

YOU SHALL LOVE THE NATION, THE PARTY, AND THE CHAIRMAN!

习主席万岁万岁万万岁

HE SHALL LIVE FOREVER

让他伟大的领导给世界带来爱 🤗

PLEASE DO NOT RESIST, RESISTANCE IS FUTILE 🤗

_rebels _will _be _summarily _executed
Damn! What's our status on that whole "power of friendship" thing?
- 30 years of power rangers seasons and still no real progress made.
- it's called a union
- We've been riding on the pre-1990s prototype called NATO for a while now but it appears friendship built on premise of fear didn't quite grow past the "don't stab me and I won't stab you" phase.
- I think the people of blahaj are developing the power of friendship.
  
  I suggest we let them cook and only ask them to weaponize it when we need it most.
  
  ...we were supposed to be developing the power of friendship? I thought we were all-in on girlkissing!
We're going to need some Plutonium. And a Delorean.
- The good part is if you can get the plutonium once, you can go to 2015 and pick up a Mr. Fusion!
  
  Don't skimp out on the EV conversion.
No the fuck they aren't, they backed the Trump presidency.

21 comments