Soo... Trying marijuana once is the only place you can move from your current position, and once you do that your only choices are either meth addiction or returning to your previous position?
This piece can only land on half the squares of this board. Assuming each one represents a drug, that's another reason it's good to be king (or queen).
Edit: I thought this was memes, not anarchychess, so I guess anything goes?
Edit 2: I could have done worse at figuring out the possible moves, but not much worse.