On “Safe” C++: An Odyssey of Sneers
On “Safe” C++: An Odyssey of Sneers
this post has been making the rounds on Mastodon, for good reason. it’s nominally a post about the governance and community around C++, but (without spoiling too much) it’s written as a journey packed with cathartic sneers at a number of topics and people we’ve covered here before. as a quick preview, tell me this isn’t relatable:
This is not a feel good post, and to even call it a rant would be dismissive of the absolute unending fury I am currently living through as 8+ years of absolute fucking horseshit in the C++ space comes to fruition, and if I don’t write this all as one entire post, I’m going to physically fucking explode.
fucking masterful
an important moderator note for anyone who comes here looking to tone police in the spirit of the Tech Industry Blog Social Compact: lol
Of course, this brings up the title of this section. The C++ Alliance. Shortly after making a shitload of money from the massive rise of value in bitcoin in the late 10s, Vinnie Falco proceeded to purchase the C++ Slack under the name of this non-profit organization.
Wait a second, record scratch, stop, what on earth does "purchase the C++ Slack" mean? Since when are we trading Slacks? What's the value of a Slack? Can I buy someone's Slack? How many users do I have to get on my Slack before it's worth something on the open market? What the fuck does this mean???
I had no idea so much of C++ and the Committee was so closely linked to the military industrial complex. Like people who design fucking murder drones just casually send their requests to them and they read them and care? And Bjarne Cplusplus, the inventor of C++, helped Lockheed Martin on the F22???
No, seriously, sorry, I cannot put myself into a hypothetical headspace where someone sending me a letter "hello, we need this feature to kill civillians better, thanks" isn't interpreted as a prank, since if it weren't then the only acceptable response would be to return a pipebomb to the sender.
ackshully F22 is not a civilian killing weapon, americans are very cagey about it, foreign sales are forbidden, can't operate from aircraft carrier, has been only flown and maintained by americans. its final task would be air defense of north american airspace in ww3 scenario. the civilian killing machines would be drones like MQ9 and since we're talking about turkey, bayraktars. that, and older multirole jets like F16 and helicopters and whatever ground attack aircraft they have. turns out things are much simpler if you're just slinging PGMs from above, or outside MANPADS range, against people that can't fight back otherwise. these things would be useless in normal war
i guess lots of code in f22 goes into radar, some other sensors (ir for example) and comms (link 16, communication to missiles etc), a place where i suspect c is a good choice
good thing Rust is only run by Palantir
I am about halfway through but it'd really help if someone could maybe do a TL;DR about the C++ features that are mentioned in this post.
Like what the fuck are profiles? Modules? C++ has modules? Half of my current job is in C++ and I have no idea what any of those things are. Which seems to be a common problem with C++, e.g. I've recently learnt that something for garbage collection used to exist, but it was scrapped and removed from the standard before I've first heard of it.
It's hard to understand the reddit comments linked without this context and the post itself is like an hour-long read.
EDIT: Okay I see profiles are explained in a section later, but modules are not? Also they're explained in opposition to "contracts" which I've also never heard of and jesus fucking christ, this language is a hellhole
EDIT2: I'll add
operator .to the list of plot important characters that get no introduction if you're not familiar with the C++ Extended UniverseOh, is this something about memory safety and how people twist themselves into pretzels trying to justify using C++
opens article
Unfortunately, this post has mentions of rape and sexual assault.
Oh for fuck's sake, why is it always this
Dan asked me “what’s the fastest Big O notation?” and hey, to my credit despite not having a college degree, I knew the answer from self studying! “Oh, I know this. O(1) Constant time”, I said over the phone. “No, see it’s O(0). The fastest program is the one that never runs. It’s clear you don’t have enough experience for this role. So let’s test you on your sysadmin capabilities. Maybe you can redeem yourself there”.
There is something about the simultaneous pedantry and total ignorance in this that is enraging. Everything is O(1) space because there are 1081 atoms in the universe, and everything is O(1) time because of the heat death of the universe, don'tcha know. Also did I just solve the halting problem?
The definition of Big-O literally contains a clause that says the function is non-zero (for sufficiently large x) so please go fuck yourself
Computer scientists hate him: solve the halting problem by smashing all running computers with a sledgehammer.
another absolutely fucked thing about the gotcha interview is, they never stop at just one. if you somehow read the interviewer’s mind and asspull the expected (not “correct”, mind you) answer, they’ll just go “huh” and instantly pivot to a different instant-fail gotcha. the point of the gotcha interview isn’t candidate selection; the point is that the asshole interviewer has power over the candidate, and can easily use gotchas to fabricate technical-sounding reasons for rejecting suitable candidates they personally just don’t like.
shit like this is one reason our industry is full of fucking assholes; they select for their own by any practical means. it’s reminiscent of those rigged, impossible “literacy tests” they used to give voters in the south (that is, the southern US), where almost every question was a gotcha designed so that a poll worker could exclude Black voters at effectively their own discretion, complete with a bullshit paper trail in case anyone questioned the process.
(also, how many of these assholes send candidates down a rabbit hole wasting time answering questions unrelated to the position when they don’t get the gotcha right? I swear that’s happened to me more than once, and I can only imagine it’s so nobody asks why most of the interviews are so short)
It’s a long read, but a good one (though not a nice one).
- learn about how all the people who actually make decisions in c++ world are complete assholes!
- liking go (the programming language) correlated with brain damage!
- in c++ world, it is ok to throw an arbitrary number of highly competent non-bros out of the window in order to keep a bro on board, even if said bro drugged and raped a minor!
- the c++ module system is like a gunshot wound to the ass!
- c++ leadership is delusional about memory safety!
- even more assholes!
Someone on mastodon (can’t remember who right now) joked that they were expecting the c++ committee to publicly support trump, in the hopes he would retract the usg memory safety requirements. I can now believe that they might have considered that, and are probably hoping he’ll come down in their favour now that he’s coming in.
I can now believe that they might have considered that, and are probably hoping he’ll come down in their favour now that he’s coming in.
I’m betting there are some juicy logs of something like this happening in the C++ Alliance Slack’s secret
#unfilteredchannel, given that its typical content allegedly consists of abuse directed towards marginalized people, coordination of harassment and misinformation on community platforms, and various other fash shit. it’s weird that a Slack so closely associated with the “professional and respectful” ISO C++ committee would host two (including the diet version,#on-topic) of what are essentially chan-style trolling channels for people who think they’re adults on an official Slack. maybe it shouldn’t be too surprising, since one committee member felt comfortable posting an extensive, unhinged COVID conspiracy rant on the WG21 mailing list — with a community like that, it’s just a matter of time before the assholes in charge go mask-off.and for anyone who hasn’t read the article yet, the above isn’t even the worst shit you’ll learn about, it’s a fucking rollercoaster (and there are some details alluded to that you’ll only pick up on a second reading too)
Eepy Status*: about 20% of the way through. This is all I have to share so far:
Bjarne Stroustrup? More like, Blarney Should-Shut-Up.
*yes, short for epistemic status. Don’t like it? Good, mission accomplished.
Edit: Eepyness: 60% of the way through.
This is a masterclass in tea spilling. So many shots fired at fucking everything. I am in awe.
Eeps: 90%. I have found something to disagree with:
Everybody loves Puerto Rican music (please get on this, you’re missing out)
I cannot stand reggaeton, so this is a no from me.
It's like an old-timey quilt. You have to build in an imperfection to show humility.
I start every new day by screaming
this is the remix, as required by law
I know next to nothing about C++ but I do know that I heard that closing line in the original voice and got goosebumps.
c++ is lost izalith