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sjmarf Sjmarf @sh.itjust.works

Test link: https://lemmy.world

Posts 312
Comments 149

Anon's daughter loves Metal Gear Rising

Image Transcription

(A 4Chan "green-text".)

married, with a six year old daughter

wife hates violent video-games and doesn't want me playing them with daughter in same room

my little girl loves some of the violent stuff, but I do draw the line obviously

she absolutely loves, loves, loves Raiden, Sam, and the Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance cast of characters. Mostly likes Raiden and Sam over the rest of them.

get a phone call from school, saying she was in a fight.

have to leave work and address this mess

principal explains to me that she punched a boy who made fun of her, stood over him and said, "Show me a good time, Jack."

I almost, almost started to laugh and had to brush it off like a cough.

had to ball my fist over my mouth, excuse myself.

"Anon, do you have any idea where she learned this?"

"No sir, but I will talk to her about it."

We made it five steps into the parking lot before l lost my shit, imagining my daughter standing over some little shit with her arms spread saying, "Show me a good time, Jack."

got her ice cream, had a heart to heart, and had to play it down when wifey got home

Kids are a treat sometimes.

4
They don't want you to know
  • They don't want you to see the tongues licking the dishes

  • Anon helps a turtle

    Image Transcription

    (A 4Chan "green-text", titled "Altruism", with a close-up photograph of a turtle on the pavement)

    Riding bike through town

    See something strange on the side of the road

    Decide to stop and investigate

    It's a turtle tucked into its shell

    Hold finger in front of shell

    Turtle pokes its head out, sniffs finger, and then retreats back into it's shell

    It's a hot day, and there are no bodies of water nearby

    There's a river a few miles away, decide to take the turtle there

    Ride bike with one hand while holding the turtle

    People look at me strangely

    Don't care, the turtle is all that matters

    Turtle pokes its head out when going fast downhill

    Probably the fastest the turtle has ever gone

    Finally reach the river

    Set the turtle on the shore under some shade

    After about 10 seconds the turtle crawls into the water

    Looks back at me before submerging and swimming away

    Feel more emotion in that moment than I have in the last few years

    Despite my mistakes and shortcomings, a creature's life was made better by my existence

    Is using our time to help others the real answer?

    29
    Anon chats with an elderly woman
  • I would say “Merry Christmas” is used more often here, but “Happy Christmas” is used a lot too. The Queen used to say “Happy Christmas” in her speech every year, which might have something to do with its popularity here? I didn’t know it wasn’t used in the US.

  • Anon chats with an elderly woman

    Image Transcription

    (A 4Chan "green-text" titled "The elderly is wise", with a black-and-white portrait photograph of an elderly woman staring into the camera)

    Be me, lonely guy in Britain

    Get in the public transport to get back home

    Sit next to a lovely old lady who smiled at me

    Have a little talk

    She tells me really interesting stuff and we have some laughs together

    She tells that this day se would've been celebrating his brother's birthday but he is gone

    We keep talking

    She tells me a heartwarming advise:

    'I could stay indoors and think about bad things, instead, I decide to go outside, see things, smile at people, they smile back at me, there is no point of being sad and angry at home'

    Actually I feel like if I listened some sort of prophet

    She gets to her stop and leaves, we say Happy Christmas to each other

    Elderly deserve respect, I'll probably join as a volunteer to some kind of organisation that helps them.

    19

    Anon shares music with his sister

    Image Transcription

    (A 4Chan "green-text", with a photograph of a lake in the early morning)

    be me

    22

    visiting parents

    see younger sister for first time in years

    13yo TikTok kid who listens to the same 5 songs

    spend day driving around and listening to music with her

    have drinks with dad that night

    spend night in basement office

    room is below hers

    hear her listening to a bunch of the songs I played in the truck

    I feel accomplished as a big brother.

    2
    Joan Jett Rule
  • Another picture:

    And a better shot of the yellow pin, since it's at a weird angle:

    A yellow pin reading "Keep the feds out of our beds".

    Link to the music video in which the jacket appears (albeit without the pins).

  • Anon's new puppy

    Image Transcription

    (A 4Chan "green-text", with a drawing of Pepe driving whilst looking down at a puppy on the passenger seat)

    be me

    be loser who drives a delivery van all day

    work is fucking boring as fuck

    get new puppy

    puppy is sad when I go to work

    have idea

    I will take puppy to work with me

    Next day put puppy in van

    Puppy sits shotgun all day, does not piss or poop in cab

    Take puppy to park during lunch break

    Puppy waits patiently while I make deliveries

    Drive home

    Realize work was fun with my little puppy buddy

    Have never had this much enjoyment of work

    Thank you puppy

    11

    Anon makes mom proud

    Image Transcription

    (A 4Chan "green-text", with a pencil sketch of a girl looking at a flower)

    finals are near

    cant concentrate on studying because a lot of stuff in my mind lately

    first exam is on thursday, history.

    fuck.png

    talk to mom

    i love my mom

    "i used to love history, fem-anon. stayed up until 4am reading everything i could, it's beautiful"

    she motivates me to study thanks to her passion

    read first topic

    hey, this ain't that bad

    be thrown aback because dates and weird ass names

    mom comes in room

    "i made you some roasted chestnuts"

    be one of my favourite winter desserts

    "continue studying sweetie, good luck! i know u can do it!"

    im gonna do this for you mom. im gonna have the greatest grades i can achieve. i love you mom. i'll make you proud, i swear.

    6

    Anon is grateful

    Image Transcription

    (A 4Chan "green-text", with a photograph of a grape vine bearing two luscious bunches of green grapes)

    be me

    live in california

    extremely hot lately

    out for a walk because i need exercise

    taking dirt path

    come across a short Mexican man selling fruit with his son

    browse his fruits, they're all ripe and juicy

    man and son are both just smiling at me

    I realize i don't have my wallet

    try to explain that i have no money and start to turn to leave

    hear them talking in rapid-fire Spanish

    then the man hollers "Senor! quieres uva?"

    don't know what "uva" is but i say yes

    he hands me a bunch of green grapes like picrel

    i try again to say i have no money

    then the son says "he know, he say you look hungry" in broken english

    thank them over and over

    eat the grapes on my walk

    literally the best grapes i've ever eaten

    if i ever see them again i'm going to pay them 5x the cost of those grapes. thank you senor uva

    5

    Anon is a wizard

    Image Transcription

    (A 4Chan "green-text", with a picture of Pepe wearing a blue starry wizard hat and holding a star-topped wand)

    at a stop light

    light is red

    "go green.... NOW"

    still red

    "go green... NOW"

    still red

    "go green... NOW"

    turns green

    my-face-when

    8

    Anon befriends a mantis

    Image Transcription

    (A 4Chan "green-text" titled "Bug Bro", with a photograph of a praying mantis)

    15 year old daughter suddenly got an extreme interest in mantises

    decide to buy her one

    she cares for it like a baby, honestly surprised at her responsibility over her pet

    she wants me to hold it but I don't wanna

    eventually she wears me down and I do it

    the damn thing looks me in the face

    when it's not focused on the tricks she makes it do (jump from hand to hand, etc)

    daughter tells me it can eat all sorts of meat

    what the hell

    feed it a piece of steak

    IT EATS IT FROM MY HAND

    have been bonding with the mantis ever since

    I never thought I could get this invested in a bug.

    7

    Anon's mom starts writing stories

    Image Transcription

    (A 4Chan "green-text" with a picture of Wojak)

    my mom left school at 16 due to poverty

    never showed much interest in books, music etc

    retired last year

    has since been reading through all the books I left in boxes at home

    her enthusiasm for reading is so pure l feel bad for not enjoying reading that much these days

    she kept asking me if I was writing a book and said she could "never do that"

    picked up the hint and encouraged her to give it a go, without getting my hopes up

    that-feeling-when she sent me a story she wrote about two rabbits who become friends

    that-feeling-when it made me cry and feels more honest than anything I've written

    How to cope with this feel bros?

    l love my mum so much.

    3
    Anon's brother gets him a present
  • He definitely gets the seal of approval

  • Anon's brother gets him a present

    Image Transcription

    (A 4Chan "green-text", with a picture of a seal plushie)

    Title: my Christmas experience

    be me

    an 18 year old autistic kid who likes stuff animals

    tell my older brother about these round seal plush toys from japan that are really cute

    brother probably not paying too much attention I assumed so I forgot I told him

    ast forward to December 25th

    brother hands me a flat package

    I think it's a shirt or something

    I open it up I find a very flattened small version of the seal pillow I told him about

    I am very happy and tell him how much I love it

    thanks brother

    2

    Anon talks to quiet kid

    Image Transcription

    be me

    (A 4Chan "green-text", with a picture of Pepe wiping a tear from his eye)

    in highschool

    decide to give the quiet kid a chance, he seems alright

    my friend and i approach him

    "hey dude yeah wassup u alright"

    he has like no one to talk to he gives in

    6 months go by, we are talking like usual

    since i like to talk to lots of different people, people always come to talk to me

    also, since quiet kid has no one he just kinda sticks by me most times

    overtime, we talk less; other people see that he is likeable and hang out with him at school

    eventually, we stop talking

    no problem, my main intention was for him to have friends anyway

    fast forward months later

    schools ended

    check his instagram story

    its him and his friends from our old highschool hanging out

    see it quite frequently now

    proud of him

    mission passed, glad that he actually has friends now

    0
    Anon dates blind girl
  • Definitely doesn't deserve a permanent ban imo, I don't think they were trying to cause offence.

    @[email protected]

  • Anon dates blind girl
  • The modlog says it was the sh.itjust.works automod. The comment content didn't contain any keywords that could have tripped it, so I'm not sure why it would have been set off. Maybe the automod is set to permanently ban recently created accounts that have a significant number of downvotes.

  • Anon dates blind girl
  • Maybe Boost doesn't display that it's been removed? When a comment is removed, Lemmy stills sends the content of the comment to the frontend - it's up to your client to not display the content. The comment is definitely gone on the website frontend.

  • Anon dates blind girl
  • I didn’t remove it; the instance admins (the modlog says “automod”) did. They also got permanently banned from sh.itjust.works, apparently. I personally don’t think it was that bad - it sounds more like misunderstanding or ignorance than intent to cause offense. You’re welcome to look at the modlog to see what it said

  • me_irl @lemmy.world Sjmarf @sh.itjust.works

    me_irl

    41
    Anon dates blind girl
  • It says "doesn't use the internet", not "can't use the internet". Whilst the internet has become more accessible over time through the use of screen readers etc, accessibility is unfortunately not considered a priority for many apps and websites. It's trickier to navigate the web as a blind person because websites are primarily designed to be looked at, not heard. It's not unreasonable that she might just not want to use it, even though she could learn to.

  • Anon dates blind girl
  • I'm aware of this - unfortunately, Lemmy doesn't allow transcription of the post image in this way, as it isn't part of the post body markdown. In Lemmy 0.19.4 or 0.19.5 (I'm not sure which) they added an actual alt_text field to posts for this (see here). Once sh.itjust.works updates to that version, I'll start using that field :D

  • Anon dates blind girl

    Image Transcription

    (A 4Chan "green-text", with an image of giga-chad doing a thumbs-up)

    Dating a blind girl

    All of her friends are blind

    Love that she holds my arm when we're out

    Love that she eventually got used to my apartment and can now navigate around by herself

    Love that her guide dog is super friendly and is always on the job to help her.

    Love that her family sees me as a great person because her being blind doesn't bother me

    Love that she doesn't use the internet because it's too much hassle

    Love that she requests I read new books for her in my voice and record them so she has her own boyfriend audiobook library.

    37

    Anon plays Luigi's Mansion

    Image Transcription

    (A 4Chan "green-text", with a picture of Luigi)

    be me

    9 at the time

    playing Luigi's Mansion for the first time

    get to the piano ghost melody

    develop crush on her

    force parents to buy me a keyboard and take me to piano lessons ›eventually get really good at it

    fast-forward 3 years

    playing the piano at some department store while waiting for my mom to finish shopping

    girl from my school sees me

    "wow anon i didn't know you played that good"

    turns out she's also a piano fag

    get her number

    fuckyeah.jpg

    fast-forward to today

    still with her

    going to college

    probably gonna major in music

    my-face-when this all started cuz i had a crush on some ghost bitch from Luigi's Mansion

    thanks Luigi

    6
    App development
  • The photo on the left is with makeup; the photo on the right is without. On the leftmost image the lips are more saturated and have more defined edges and there is more shadow around the eyes.

  • Samesies.
  • It’s a milk bottle warmer; you can see the milk bottle sticking out of the top.

  • Life Pro Tip!
  • On macOS you can hold down ‘e’ to do this, too.

  • ⠓⠕⠞⠀⠎⠥⠗⠋⠁⠉⠑⠀⠙⠀⠝⠀⠞⠳⠣
  • It says "hot surface do not touch" in full, actually. Braille uses single characters to represent some common letter combinations ("touch" is "t" + "ou" + "ch"). The words "do" and "not" are each contracted to a single letter ("d" and "n" respectively).

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_Braille#Contractions

  • Which is which?
  • Birds have peckers

  • Fatherly hazing
  • My father (who was in the armed forces) once got asked to fetch "the keys to the indoor mortar range"