So for the last 8 years I take a medication that blocks out opiates (in case of a lapse). It has been hugely beneficial in moments of weakness. There's no point if you literally can't feel the effects.
It used to come in film form that you take everyday, but now there's an injection you take once a month.
I started taking the injection about 3 months ago and it's played absolute havoc with my body and psyche.
For some reason, on Friday, I just felt normal. Motivated, confident and ready for whatever is ahead.
I guess it finally kicked in properly.
I've decided to seek a better employment opportunity. Where I am now is am absolute shitshow. My skillset is better put to use elsewhere.
If this is the LAIs I've heard they have been a godsend for people who've needed it. Awesome that you are feeling it kick in for you. Good luck with your next opportunity!
I'm not gonna lie, I didn't realise that Israel and Palestine being at war again was such big news because I kind of thought they were always at war...
Thankyou @[email protected] for starting the thread today - the whole computer shut down and Bot#001 was unable to work. The computer has now been rebooted and I gave Bot the morning off to recover from the ordeal of being temporarily homeless.
I went out for most of the day with a long time friend, talked about lots of stuff, good food, good sun, good walk... but not long after that ended - still feeling really on the edge of something in the background.
emo rambling
Fragile and unmoored and yearning for seeming opposites: security and change, belonging and independence, careful analysis and spontaneity, work and rest... really odd place to be in. Writing down a to do list to gather my thoughts into action sends me into a spiral...
I've put some calming ambient music on headphones and am going back into some paper books for a while. "See if it gets better tomorrow morning" is not something I can rely on forever though.
I once had an ex tell me my mind was like a machine with sharp teeth and soft lips, it was powerful but also dangerous; it always needed to be chewing on something substantial or it would very soon start chewing itself, very painfully. This was 8 years ago, you'd think I would've found lasting ways to deal with it by now.
But every so often I'd feel like my brain reset itself and I have to relearn some things from scratch and make sure the right programs boot up in sequence. I guess this is one of those times again. Sigh. This is so tedious and my current psych isn't able or willing to go there. In fact I think she's kind of gently suggested I see someone else for a different modality. Gotta start the ride again.
This resonates with me in a pretty significant way, and I suspect some of the things you mentioned resonate with a lot of people. I hope you find your way to what feels right for you soon. I hope we both do.
Thank you for the lovely comment! I feel like I've fallen and gotten up again enough times that I know I'll make it through and find something that feels right - this time without the massive shackles from before of visas and all that jazz - but it's the TEDIUM of the brain-wipe that is exasperating. And not always predicting what stressful situation prompts that.
more thoughts
I realise maybe there's an art to recognising and sitting with transitions - both the concrete external kind (eg moving house, leaving a job, ending a relationship, diagnosis with an illness) and the more nebulous, internal kind (eg when you realise you've fallen in or out of love, or outgrown a way of life, or feel a calling towards a new mission, and so on).
I think I am OK with processing the former, but am still learning to follow my instincts with the latter and not push it aside. If I don't acknowledge what is changing in me, and give myself the time and space, it short circuits my brain 🤔 and I must reestablish my values and intentions - followed up with actions - so that I don't feel so unsteady and conflicted.
Living and working alone has its pros and cons in terms of working through internal transitions, and this time I'd like to go into this next phase a lot more aware of how to move with where I feel ready to go to but not let it sink me. Keeping some routines, ensuring I've always got food, make sure someone checks in on me every week at least.
And an idea I saw elsewhere - have a "menu" of items that fulfill different sensory, relationship or purpose based needs on hand for when it all feels too difficult.
I'm not sure if any of that is in any way helpful, but your response did prompt some insights so thank you again for encouraging me to think!
I once had an ex tell me my mind was like a machine with sharp teeth and soft lips, it was powerful but also dangerous; it always needed to be chewing on something substantial or it would very soon start chewing itself, very painfully.
This so… poignant. I think I’ll be mulling this for some time…
For myself, my brain has been the most challenged it has been this year and it’s only in the last month or so that I’ve regained some calm that it almost seems both alien and too good to be true… but today I’m on the emo train.
I reach for the calming ambient music and headphones also, but it too has its limitations. Grateful nonetheless as it has gotten me through some tough times. Sending positive energy.
Yay! I'm really happy to see how you're going with your foray into gardening. That mint is absolutely going ham, before you know it you'll be needing to transplant it. May everything continue to prosper and give you joy :)
Ooh you're right... I'm going to need to learn how to do a transplant soon. I was never very good at operation, but I should be good as long as there's no metal and electricity...
Put the mint on concrete. If the roots get through the pot into the dirt, you'll have mint forever, it tends to take over. Spite plant it if you get evicted. Keep the mint in a pot, a big one if needs be, but a pot.
Good point. Not sure about a pot, at least for the moment, but I'll definitely move it onto the concrete and a little bit away from the edges. Luckily if it does start spreading, we don't really use the section of garden it'd most likely spread too because it doesn't get much sun, so I could probably poison it if it ever came down to it
Looking excellent! Almost time to tip prune the mint (and use the prunings for something!) to keep it bushy with lots of sprigs. Rosemary takes longer to grow - really really likes sunshine - so it all looks good.
Yep! I've never grown anything before so I didn't know it was going to grow that much and so quickly. Luckily I do love mint, but I've never had fresh mint so I might need to find some inspiration for what to put it on/in
The Minipeelers just presented me with all their cash savings and asked me very nicely if they can have new Halloween costumes. Elder wanted a Scream costume with retractable bladed knife and Miniest wanted a Headless Horseman costume 😂 We have a party at home every year, just our household and no trick or treating. Looks like it's gonna be crazy this year!
Side note: somewhat dismayed by the girls and women's costumes. The girls costumes were all "cutesy little skirt" type things, and the women's costumes were all sexy nun/nurse/dead person/anything with a short skirt and thigh high stockings. Miniest is a classic "tomboy" (for want of a better term) and I'm overweight and middle-aged.. we ain't no shortie skirt wearers and I'm more than happy to leave that look to those more appropriately aged/proportioned to wear it!
We have an adult sized skeleton onesie that Mr Peeler likes to put on for a time. Retro daggy horror movies and junk food are enjoyed by all. Later on when the kids are finally in bed we watch the late movies like "Vampyros Lesbos," "Patrick," Rocky Horror etc. If it's Kitch or B-grade and Aussie, we love it!
Edit: For the headless horseman costume they could have a long oversized shirt or tunic with their head sticking out of the middle. Supporting the ‘upper body’ at the top might be tricky… a pillow stuffing it would flop back and forth.
Maybe glue the shirt on a small cardboard box as if the box was wearing it, cut a hole through both in the centre for the face window, then lower the box onto their head like a helmet. The sides of the box will sit on their shoulders (you may need to cut curves into the edges for comfort and stability) and the length of the shirt will cover their body.
For arms you can stuff flesh coloured stockings and stitch straight lines for fingers, and just sew or glue them into the sleeves and to the shirt for ‘holding’ the kid’s head. Crumpled paper can be glued to the box through the neck hole and reddened with poster paint for the stump.
Alternatively they can just wear a pumpkin on their head
Went down to Bonbeach for the anniversary farmer's market, but spent too much time getting out of bed it seems. Literally ran out of food on three stalls while I was in queue, with one cutting off right in front of me. 😅
This morning I looked at the scheduled exercises and thought, nope! The routine very quickly turned into a whole lot of exercises that are beyond me and would probably lead to me injuring myself. I was a wuss and wasn't willing to risk it, so I went back and restarted a routine I did a while ago, the total body shred. It gives me a workout, breaks a sweat and is doable, plus I noticed the best results with it.
I think we need a third option in Referendums: the "yeah, nah" vote. For people who agree with the general idea, but not the specific version presented. If the yes and the "yeah, nah" vote combined equal a majority, there should be a compulsory period of community consultation to come up with a better proposal to go back for another vote. Or just a preferencial system where more than one choice is presented in the first place.
I'm planning on voting yes already. It's more that there is so much splitting of the vote through arguments that this specific version is not right for various reasons, but voting "no" generally leads to an end to proposal for change, not to a further conversation about how to improve things as many people seem to hope. The same thing happened with the Republic vote - support for a Republic in general was and remains quite high, but support for the specific model put forward was not high enough to get through. There needs to be stability in the Constitution so you don't want it to be too easy to change, but IMO the current system works against change too strongly, leaving us with an outdated document that really needs to be updated.
Ok my place is in a state where I'm happy enough for my married platonic friend to visit tonight.. I'm done lol
I'd scrub a few more things if I were trying to impress but it's pretty good how it is. Feels good too.
My PC is still a bit of a mess with wires but fuck it.. that's a job for Ron.
Edit: SHIT I HAVE NO CLEAN SPARE TOWEL WASH WASH WASH. I absolutely do not have time to dry this thing.. I'll have to duck out to the laundromat or something. I can't even tell her to bring one coz she'll be on the train by now lol
I know :(
I've been meaning to sort all of this out for ages. There's a Nvidia Shield TV Pro on top of my PC and PS4 and a Switch behind the PC which aren't helping with the mess. I also for the life of me can't find my bluetooth keyboard to go wireless for that. I've apparently hidden it too well. Mic, speakers, webcam, fan and all of the usual stuff.
I actually do have an unused hand towel from my towel set which COULD be a valid substitute but it's a bit dodgy. The hand towel is pretty large but it's not quite a "bath sheet" like my proper ones.
Never have! Honestly I haven't used the espresso machine for... I don't know how long. I really should get some beans and fire it up again. Also that kahlua bottle is empty, one of the ones I poured down the sink the other week because I'd had it for years. The only thing I ever made with it was espresso martinis way back in 2019 as shown here:
I have three weeks of glorious freedom from work ahead of me. I really need to get stuck into finishing the garden beds while the weather is fine so I can do the summer vegetable planting. I have been a bit slack over the last week, and I can't blame it all on the weather.
The Northern Territory's tourism minister says "all Australians have a social responsibility" to visit the NT, as new figures reveal visitation is struggling at the territory's famed landmark of Uluru.
I'm sorry but if you have to guilt people into tourism then you've missed the mark.
As is the case with Australia more broadly, tourism is obscenely expensive here for the average worker and unsurprisingly it's better value for money to fly somewhere else (i.e. south East Asia).
I always struggle with the word count. The first draft is usually a lot over, and cutting out the waffle always makes a big improvement. Having cut the waffle out I am still over, but the only other things I can cut remove full concepts which I don't want to do. It's a pretty relaxed subject in regards to things like word count though, so I think it will be fine as is.
I know my mistake was getting a tram outside the convention centre. But being that walking takes me forever, it's the only option I have. But man. I FUCKING HATE IT when people don't move out of the way for people getting off the tram. Like I have to push through people who have bags and stuff but I just want to get off the tram for the love of GOD. I just, ugh.
Spent all day mounting things in the garage. 8mm through very good brickwork. Giant shower and 8 hours later and still all i can smell is hammer drill motor ughhh
Been awake since about 4:15 - brain isn't out of 'go, go, go!' mode evidently. Cold didn't help. 🥶
Anyway after a long snuggle with Zooks I got up, eyed off the sunrise which we hadn't seen since the neighbours built the extension and lit a fire. Planning on taking today at its own pace. Meanwhile Sammi is in my lap enjoying the fire.
Oh man. Thankfully I’ve only slept in and not all day this time, but had some fairly bad nightmares. I had been doing so well with a loose kind of routine as well.
I’ve been looking at fashion photographs a lot and think I could efficiently replicate an effect on one of the tops (the shiny glittery stripes resemble the rough texture of a crayon brush, and I discovered the liquify tool which might work to create their flowing lines).
What’s stopping me is I don’t want to put the work in to the basics like drawing a figure. Being self taught = not solid in the fundamentals. Also feel like it’s a waste of energy if it doesn’t produce a perfect finished drawing. Plus lazy.
Oh… Melbcat is using the ’I need something’ door jump/bang and leading me to the back door. She wants to go outside in the sun but she’s going to get eaten alive by fleas if she does.
I can spray the garden with beneficial nematodes to eat the flea larvae but it’s $40 for an application, sometimes the bugs can just die in transit, and the visiting intruder cat is just going to bring more back in.
And if I set her little pipe frame cage back up I’m afraid he’s just going to approach it and they’ll punch on through the mesh.
I don’t know him and don’t know if it’s safe to approach even for a spot on. (Tablets are right out.) He seems friendly to humans but you can’t know if they
might panic at being touched and latch onto your arm.
I could feed him a flea tablet designed to be tasty but it’s expensive. And dosing would need to reoccur each 1-3 months plus regular yard treatment. Also I’d have to guess at his weight and assume he isn’t getting dosed at home for sure (unlikely but you know - he could be getting treated at home and still getting bitten because they’re in the environment).
It’s just that people around here let their cats roam and don’t properly look after them. Because I care the problem becomes mine.
Finally getting stuck into this spring cleaning today after completely failing to launch yesterday. I still have about 5 hours until my friend arrives and I'm doing very well! Taking a bourbon break (my first) but I think I'm well on track for time.
It was embarrassing how much dust was on things. I hadn't properly opened all the windows for a long time and that sunlight really highlighted how bad it was. Bit more tidying to do, rubbish and cardboard to take out and then I tackle the bathroom and the floors, then that'll do. Oh and make the bed with the sheets and pillowcases drying out on the balcony.
Petcircle is stocking the Weruva beef and pumpkin wet food! 👀
It’s very low in phosphorus so is good for cats with kidney disease. I was desperately hunting for this food when Melbcat was first diagnosed as food allergies meant she couldn’t eat the prescription food.
So expensive though, especially as she’s eating a lot more wet food than usual and is turning her nose up at cheap sardines. It’s twice the price of the cheaper usual option. The blood test after her thyroid procedure said she doesn’t have kidney disease anymore?
Even so I’ve added a few tins to the cart to see how she tolerates it. If she does I know we have a kidney friendly option as she ages.
I’m a bit annoyed that I didn’t get bigger pots. The round carrots require less depth but are wider, so after thinning I’ll probably only get a couple. I really hate thinning.
But the pots have to be small and portable. I need to bring them in easily when needed and even raised beds would be a bit much. I’m trying to keep this low pressure and manageable
Little side note for pantser cookers like yours truly. I did a fast strudel (frozen pastry sheets) today and didn’t have nuts, but used my LSA mix and that actually turned out nicely. (I also used oats, well UT Ancient Grains instead of breadcrumbs that seemed fine, too.)