This version from the gospel of John is far more interesting than the others, what with all the whipping.
And not just any whip: Jesus made it from a leather thong from his own sandal, switches (small, thin branches) from a nearby tree, and broken pieces of pottery on the ground! That’s a very nasty whip!
Satan won't be catching anything. He's going to be chilling on the sidelines with us as we get front-row seats to Jesus getting his ass beat by a Bible thumper who is mad about Jesus not voting for Trump.