So I thought I had figured myself till now. But I was clearly wrong...
So the last few days have been incredibly confusing as I reflected on my gender identity. I'm definitely a boy, that's for sure. I wouldn't want to go by any pronouns except he/him. The they/she stuff simply isn't me.
I don't want to dress up in a feminine manner (I don't think I would be comfortable in skirts and thigh highs and what not...). Like... I haven't tried that yet, but I really doubt I would be much interested in it. I like my current wardrobe.
HOWEVER, I want a feminine-ish body. Like... not boobs or anything. I find boobs quite repulsive. BUT I would definitely love to have a more feminine butt/dick. I like tucking, WHILE loving my dick.
I hate body hair/facial hair. The only place that I like hair on is my head. And while my hair is long-ish, it isn't girl-like long. Like... the intention is not to look like a girl.
I dunno, it's weird I suppose... Here's one way to put it. If estrogen didn't give me boobs, I would LOVE to take it. I would love to have a higher voice, better head-hair, and a girlier butt and dick. BUT I would still identify as a male while being in male-like clothes.
What the hell am I? I'm definitely not trans. I don't think I'm a femboy, as I would hate doing makeup/wearing skirts n stuff. I'm so confused.
Sounds like you're a regular person with thoughts and preferences for how your body looks, like all people. Don't think it's about being trans, sorry to disappoint. Just my 2 cents though.
I think a lot of people have desires for their body that they don't meet. I certainly do.
But as far as your post: sounds like you're a cis gay dude and you're pretty certain about that. That's about as many labels as you're probably going to strictly need for most interactions. Though I can't speak to the gay community as far as labels go.
You also don't necessarily have to use the femboy label or dress differently to be more feminine in a way you want to. Hope that helps.
You might be non-binary, keep in mind you can still use he/him while being non-binary. Gender has no rules, be whoever you want and use whatever pronouns feel best.
Generally we use Enby or Non-binary since NB is used to mean Non-Black which is more of a POC thing.
But there's no harm in a little self exploration. Non-binary is generally under the trans umbrella since the general meaning of trans has to do with not feeling like body and gender are aligned. Agender for instance is still not aligned with the physical sex of a person so someone who hold that they have no gender, fluid gender or multiple genders are still trans... but there are people in our communities who feel like the word trans doesn't resonate and they identify as non-trans non-binary. Sometimes the more loose term "genderqueer" is applied to mean this type of the middle ground. There's a flag and everything.
Btw the whole voice thing has more to do with vocal training than estrogen. Estrogen doesn't actually change your voice. If you want to get started "Voice Feminization training" is where to start.
https://youtu.be/BfCS01MkbIY?si=cs_FxCA13ZwkNoNI Hairless faces are also not an estrogen thing. That is usually achieved via electrolysis or laser hair removal... It takes a while to achieve but the hair lightens by degrees.
There are also cosmetic surgeries to enhance certain features without relying on horomones to do the job for you. These things are generally stigmatized by wider society but it is an option for a more targeted transition.
Estrogen will change your metabolism and fat distribution to be more in line with phenotypic female presentation but looking beyond sex as a binary you start seeing that there are plenty of phenotypic female folk out there without big butts, belly folds or boobs. Genderqueerness is all about mix and match, doing what you want. The tech is there for everyone who wants it.
How do you feel about just being queer? More and more it’s becoming an ambiguous term for people that don’t clearly fit into any other category. It would give you the freedom to define yourself however you want without worrying about ‘fitting in.’
The other option is to kinda just makeup your own term. Obviously that will make it hard to find others exactly like you but I don’t think that is strictly necessary. I think you could relate to a lot of different identities within the LGBT community.
Ultimately though, I think people tend to focus too much on labeling and grouping themselves. Who cares what ‘label’ you have, just focus on what makes you feel like you. To quote Schitts Creek, ‘Like the wine, not the label.’
But there are also benefits that come from having a label, like being able to find community or role models in the folks who share it.
I'm still searching for something more specific than "nonbinary" which fits well. "Androgyne" is the closest I've got, but it was enough to lead me to tittyboy chatrooms where I met another trans amab enby like me for the first time.
No matter how weird we might be, there's always similar folks out there we can relate to. Finding one's tribe can grant a feeling of belonging that is in desperately short supply for unusual folks. 😺
Honestly as I read this I was thinking “this is someone who knows what they like” then I got to the end and you asked what the hell am I and I thought “wait I thought they just explained that…”
If you wanna label all that ‘femboy’ then do it! If you wanna present more fem and not call it that that’s equally fine. Honestly you sound like you’re worrying yourself over feeling like you need a term to define yourself - you don’t.
Idk, from my perspective you sound like you know exactly what you want. If someone needs you to define yourself just tell them I’m a gay guy who likes to look fem. Good enough, imho.
I bet that you could exercise your way into your dream butt if you put the sweat and time into it. You can remove body hair with laser and electrolysis (though it’s expensive). And if you want a more feminine voice and you’ve been through male puberty, practice and intentionally speaking in a higher register isn’t technically the only option but it may as well be. (Currently learning this with my SO who is mtf)
Honestly do you have a therapist or the ability to see one? Might be worth talking through all this with a professional that you trust.
No, it's not like I need to define myself for anyone. It's just that a similar term would help me find people's experiences similar to mine. Cuz whenever I look up femboy stuff, it's just girly clothing, makeup and workout. I don't relate to the clothing and makeup in any way whatsoever.
I have an okay butt, but it's just muscle-ey. Like... It's a manly butt? The butt in my head is more fatty, which is a result of fat distribution controlled by estrogen.
The point is, while I may not perfectly fit in any category (assuming that there are strict definitions, which isn't true), it would be better if I could see what people similar to me are like. Rn, I can't see people similar to me in this context.
Oh n for the therapist, the answer is nope, cuz no money.
Ahh I get ya. Yeah I’m just a boring token cis guy so I’m not gonna be much help in terms of community - I’d say maybe hang in these circles and engage with what you want to engage with? If you’re not into the girly stuff just respect that others do and they’ll probably respect that you don’t
Seriously though, if you’re able to see a therapist I’d highly recommend it - even if it’s not for lgbtq stuff, talking through your worries with a person who’s trained to guide people through such conversations is super valuable imho.
I know it’s expense as frig but if you ever get the opportunity jump at it.
I'm definitely not both male and female. I'm not "in between" either. I'm comfortable being a boy. I want to dress male-ish. I want to keep my male parts. I want them to be feminine though. Uggh fkin hell... See what I mean? I just sound like a dumass lol
There's only so far labels can take you. Each aspect of gender is it's own spectrum. Some aspects of gender can fall completely towards the male side, others can fall completely towards the female side. Understanding yourself means understanding all those different parts, and labels are just a way to summarize to make it convenient to share with others.
Seriously, I'm enby and I've been on hormone therapy for 8 months, and your description is just a few degrees manlier than myself.
I use any pronouns and have a girly butt and itty bitty titties, but I've also got a fancy moustache, short hair, and a wardrobe that's mostly jeans and t-shirts. The only makeup I wear is nail polish and the occasional bit of eyeliner. You can totally be nonbinary or a gender-nonconforming guy and still keep the masculine aspects of your presentation, there's no rule against that! 😄
IIRC, they're even testing out some new forms of hormone therapy that can give you soft skin, fairer hair, and a girly butt without growing your tits, but you'd still need to do voice training since hormones don't raise your register.
Right now, I don't have anyone to share this experience with. I know I'm not alone, but I can't just find people like myself by repeating the post above over and over again, can I? That's why categories exist, so that you can describe stuff in less words.
You described a regular person who, like all people, has mental and physical preferences, some masculine and some feminine. We are all like you. If you need a category to describe that I’d say person is fitting.
You are you, and only you can say who that is, because gender is altogether just a collection of recognizable brands that are each subject to change from time to time and place to place.
You can wear one of these brands now if it suits you, and still change your mind later if you feel like it, or confound the branding entirely by arranging your own style. It really is up to you.