The satire misses the mark since cars already have strict mandatory visibility requirements by law. In the EU, you must have working headlights, brake lights, turn signals, daytime running lights (since 2011), fog lights, reverse lights, and reflectors. Driving without any of these gets you fined, points on your license, and fails vehicle inspection (TÜV/MOT). These aren't optional safety suggestions like cyclist hi-viz - they're legal requirements with real penalties.
Huh? Could you explain once more why this doesn't work?
Keep in mind that cycling also has a lot of visibility requirements, it is illegal to drive without lights at night, you need to have reflectors front, back, in the spokes and on the pedals. This also results in fines and points on your drivers license. Keep any remarks on enforcements for yourself, car drivers don't check or even fix their headlights the moment they break either as my last few drives showed me.
Comparing the optional wearing of hi-vis west to the optional painting cars a brighter colour makes sense when the goal is to mock the immediate question "well, was the cyclist wearing hi-vis?" that always seem to pop up when a crash happens.
State dependent. Maryland for example legally requires a front headlamp and a rear reflector in low visibility conditions. Also must have a bell or horn but can't have a siren (?).
It's less state dependent than you think. The feds have the last say in the safety equipment that comes on your car from the factory. They write the regulations on safety equipment for all highway vehicles.
What is interesting is that the NFPA, (the US National Fire Prevention Association), which writes the guidance for US public safety departments, has learned that you can have too much flashy-flashies and woo-woos and sparkles hanging on your vehicle. We used to hang as much as that stuff as we could on fire trucks and ambulances. Now, new rigs are toning it down to reflective chevrons and marker lights on the back end to prevent dazzling and confusing traffic as they approach a scene. The NFPA national tracking has shown a marked decline in tertiary accidents.
Reflectives and markers are important, but you can do too much can have worse outcomes because of it.
It’s less state dependent than you think. The feds have the last say in the safety equipment that comes on your car from the factory. They write the regulations on safety equipment for all highway vehicles.
You're right that they regulate the safety equipment that is required to be on from factory, but the states nearly copy/paste those and make them statutes in their jurisdictions. I have never seen a federal traffic cop. It is the state's law enforcement arm (the various state troopers, county deputies, and all the forms of police) that enforces the traffic code. What gets people tickets (rarely) is that the states don't ctrl+a, ctrl+c, ctrl+v the requirements, so some don't get added into the state codes, and they can add on stuff. One example off the top of my head is the third brake light. Federally required after, oh, 1984 I think, but not required in my state. The cops can't stop you if it is completely removed and made to look as if it was never there, but they can stop you if it is broken, because the statute reads that way. For the opposite example, I think we regulated the ground-effects lighting recently.
If you need a rear light or not actually varies state to state. The reflectors are fed policy and that's why all bikes sold in the US have them. The siren thing seems to be because kids were rigging sirens to their wheels attached to a chain and being a general nuisance at some point in the 50s. That said, that's about all a car would hear that's not electronic. That or an canned air horn.
As someone who has sat behind the wheel of an ambulance and various firetrucks, even those sirens aren't enough to get other people on the road or sidewalks to pull their collective heads out of their arses long enough to pay attention to their surroundings and get out of the way. And it is possible to over drive the sound also. But cars tend to be so well sound insulated these days that it's doubtful any bicycle siren is going to really be loud enough to get one's attention.
We finally installed a "rumbler" on some of the vehicles to assist the siren and lights to get attention. A rumbler is a large speaker installed behind the grill and aimed downwards to the ground. When you hit the switch, it would emit a very low pitched note that would literally cause the ground to rumble and quake ahead of the vehicle as you drive. They have a limited usage life, so you only used it as needed to wake someone up long enough to get them out of the way.
But I'm personally of the opinion that bicycles should carry more lighting than they do. A headlight, rear facing marker/brake/turn signal lights should be a standard requirement for new bicycles. It would increase safety for everyone.