I saw that there reports he didn't fuck a couch, then someone shared an interview where he said he did... Did Republicans even try to dig shit on this guy?!?!
I'll have you know I find Wet Ass Cushion to be incredibly offensive. I've interacted with many of them in my day and never have I met a cushion that wasn't artificially wet. The couch orgasm is a myth.
Back in my day, that would have been impossible without some kind of penile injury as you probably would have needed to slam that thang pretty good on every key. People now-a-days are spoiled because their keyboards are so sensitive. You could even sneeze and type something from a microphone type writer.