Is it possible to get over this deep set aversion to kissing?
Is it possible to get over this deep set aversion to kissing?
I experienced a gay sauna for the first time a couple of days ago. I was anxious for a few minutes, until I got a feel for the place and let my towel expose me a bit. I had two encounters and both were fantastic. (If you're following my previous post, I'm in the very beginning stages still...) However, both times, my partner expected kissing, naturally. But I have always had an aversion to tongues and kissing in general. This confirmed it. Interlocking tongues with another human is not my thing. It feels disgusting and I was cringing a bit during that part. (I say this but I was the bottom...) I felt strange saying that I don't kiss, but maybe that's acceptable just like any other boundary. I am wondering, though, if it is possible to get over it.
If you’re not into kissing anon dudes you’re just not into it. There’s nothing wrong with that; in most sauna scenarios if you let people know your limits they will respect them. So next time a dude leans in to lock lips tell him “no thanks; let’s just suck dick instead.” Or whatever you’re there for.
Human sexuality is a complex thing. I'm pan, and I've been with my share of guys over the years (I am a guy). Am not going to get into the weeds but suffice to say, I've done all sorts of things with guys, however kissing is something that I don't tend to, because I find the sensation of kissing stubble or a beard unpleasant, and asking someone to shave directly before they kiss me seems unreasonable!
So I'd say if you straight up find it unpleasant, that's probably not likely to become finding it pleasant via repeated exposure. Just my opinion of course. You can always be straight up with people and say "I'm not into this, I'd rather we did x instead" and it's their call if they're happy with that or not.
As others have said if you don't like kissing then you don't like kissing and importantly others should respect that boundary.
Would it be possible perhaps, if you are with a person who respects your boundaries and overall makes you feel safe you could be more open to kissing, however and this is big you don't have to "get over it" and you should only try that if you are doing it for yourself and not others.
Replying to your comment rather than OP's post because I strongly agree with your reply and what I have to say is just an add on.
OP, speaking from experience, if you do decide that you'd like to "get over" your aversion to kissing, it's generally counterproductive to force yourself to do the thing that makes you uncomfortable. Even if it is something you want to work through, having "I don't like kissing" as a boundary can be useful as a baseline.
For a while, I felt uncomfortable with my own discomfort with kissing, because I had internalised the idea of sexual interactions existing on a sort of hierarchical ladder, where sex was just a levelled up version of kissing. Under this view, my aversion to kissing someone on the lips didn't make sense if I was more than happy to have sex with someone, even oral sex.
As part of unpacking all of that, I tried to logic my way through it, but that didn't work either. I couldn't explain to myself or others why I didn't like certain things, but I realised that with a consent respecting partner, I didn't need to explain. Once I found myself feeling safe, it was much easier to try things that I hadn't liked previously, because occasionally I found myself thinking "I'd really like to kiss them right now" and I'd articulate that (articulating it is important, because it's okay for boundaries and preferences to be dynamic, but the other person needs to know where they stand). This kind of experimentation is easier with a longer term partner, but exploration is perfectly possible in one off encounters too.
And finally, if you do explore your preferences in a safe environment, and find that you still don't enjoy kissing, that's fine too, you're entitled to have boundaries and preferences. You're not broken for having them, even if sometimes you'd rather "get over it".
I can't say for most people, but I would totally get it and have no trouble respecting this boundary if you just were honest about it. Some things humans do is gross. Sometimes even too gross for other humans. 😅
Your experience was the opposite of mine, no kissing taking place at all, just pure focus on the johnson.